Great Week Last Week - Need my last 10%

All - I had a great week last week. I had so many wins.

• Finally accepted tension as the cause of my head/eye issues at 100%
• Able to go out to places where I had perceived light sensitivity and feel fine.
• Feel the tension in my head, sore temples and gauge it get worse as my stress grew during a sink install
• Sleep all week normal again
• No panic attacks for two weeks now
• Enjoy TV shows and normal tasks again

I was finally able to associate my issues with my lack of addressing FEAR. I was so caught up in analyzing my childhood and digging around in my past I failed to realize that while my past was not ideal, I had accepted that already.

My issue which was pointed out by my wife and seconded by my therapist was I had a pretty easy go of life as an adult up until now. No death, sickness in my family, no job struggles or money issue. I had never struggled in life so my toolbox was void of any real world experience to handle FEAR. Not the fear of a home invasion, money, kids getting kidnapped etc... I am able to acccept those scenarios as possibilities that may or may not happen.

For me, I was not able to accept the FEAR of possibly being sick which is going to happen. I had no measure of adversity in my life to draw off of. After reading Balto's post, listening to Claire Weekes Audios and reading the bible I now know I was allowing the FEAR of my head and eye sensations to run wild. Focusing on the What ifs, will I ever.....

So now..I am applying multiple tools to retrain my thinking. I am using positive affirmations, reading the bible and handing this over to God. I also realize my thinking was 'Out in the future' and worrying about things that are not realistic and worrying about the what ifs.

Using this I have been able to get almsot back to where I was when I first started to focus on this back in November.

So I need to get the last 10% done. I still symptom check, still allow my mind to imagine I have light sensitivity even though I didn't have it all weekend. I still allow my mind to think that my sore temples won't go away. All of this but I don't let it get to the high anxiety level anymore. Now its just nagging and annoying.

Anyone have any advice for a person at the level I am...almost over the hurdle but just can't get over the hump. I havelived with this for 3 months and its hard to imagine not having it if that makes sense. I imagine anyone else would deem the head tension and constant eye sorenes as a 1 out of 10 but its happening to me and I can't break away even though I have come so so far.

 

Hi Pingman

Congratualtions on your breakthrough !

I'm at a similar place to you in my healing, as well was a raft of other symptoms too numerous to mention, my almost constant companion has been a tension headache, light sensitivity, eye floaters and dark spots in my vision. I also suffer (suffered?) from frequent migraines.

I too didn't realise until very recently how much fear was fanning the flames.

What I'm trying to do, and what you might like to try is to do nothing at all. I'm just telling myself I know it's only tension, my body knows how to heal, so I'll just let it take care of itself.

I've had TMS for 9 years and I've been healing for just under 2 years. I've had my ups and down, but I have been gradually healing all that time. I've had some symptoms that just disappeared without me even realising it until weeks later.

You may be creating tension by wanting your symptoms to be gone too badly, thus allowing your focus to remain on them. Just accept that they may be round for a little while longer while your nervous system rebalances. Everything you're already doing seems to be working for you. One thing you could add is some visualisation of yourself 100% healed, imagine how great that will be. Think of yourself doing all your favourite things effortlessly in a beautiful safe place.

We'll both be fine if we just remain aware of what Balto said about our emotions causing the problem, and fear keeping it with us.

I'm with you all the way

 

You did great Pingman, many people suffered from tms/anxiety for years and years because they couldn't accept Dr. Sarno and Dr. Weekes' teaching. Many, even after they found Sarno and Weekes, they still couldn't heal themselves.
Dr. Weekes very clearly stated that Fear of your symptoms is what keep us sick with MBS. If you analyze Dr. Sarno's teaching, he pretty much say the same thing. He theorize that we unconsciously created symptoms to distract our mind from the pain that come from some strong, negative, and unconscious emotions. If you think about it, the symptoms can only distract you if it can hold your attention and your symptoms can only hold your attention if you fear it or worry about it. We human have a very high tolerance to pain. Most of the tms pain or discomfort don't bother us much, it is the fear of what could happen, the fear of the unknown, or the fear of some thing terrible will happen that can hold our attention. If somehow we can get rid of our fear of the symptoms, the symptoms loose it's power to hold our attention then it loose it's purpose, it will just cease to exist. If you can keep up the good work you have done: "NO FEAR", in time, all of you symptoms will disappear.

Dr. Weekes' thinking is a little different than Dr. Sarno. She didn't think anything happened years ago in our past can trigger symptoms in our body. She think stress, chronic stress or traumatic events is what trigger the symptoms, then our fear of the symptoms took over and keep the symptoms alive. I believe her and I cured myself of all MBS I ever had, and I had ton of them. If you love your body, if you confidence of your body and your mind, if your thoughts are more positive than negative... you can not get MBS.

we all don't like pain, but you have to realize the different between tms pain and normal physical injury pain. Broken leg, nasty cut, hit your head falling down the stair, dog bite, tooth cavity... real physical pain hurt but the different between them tms pain is they don't produce FEAR. They hurt, they bother us, the pain may be too intense to sleep, too painful to move... yet we don't fear them, because we know exactly what they are, what caused them, and they WILL heal.
TMS pain caused fear. We don't exactly know what caused them, we have lots of doubt, we affraid the pain is a sign of something very wrong, we affraid it will turn into something worst, something permanent, something incurable... that fear of what is going to happen is what keep them alive.

Keep analyze the teaching of all these tms teachers and you will find the confidence to stop your fear. They pretty much preaching the same thing: "no fear", don't worry about our health, don't focus too much on ourselves, go out and get a life...

- "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." Marie Curie.
- "Fear cannot take what you do not give it." Christopher Coan.
- "Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself." Samuel Butler. (maybe he had tinnitus?)
- "Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is." German Proverb.
- "If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all thinking, damages his personality and makes him a landlord to a ghost." Lloyd Douglas.
- "He who fears something gives it power over him." Moorish Proverb.
- "He who fears to suffer, suffers from fear." French Proverb.

Exposure therapy is also very important. Keep doing what you fear. Do it longer and longer each day. Mentally prepare yourself before doing it. Tell your mind that you will feel pain or discomfort but that is OK, it shall past. Going through tunnels and high bridges trigger panic attack in me. I kept driving through them. I ask a trusted friend to go with me at first "just in case"... slowly and slowly the panic just leave me and now I actually enjoy going over high bridges and tunnels. Be persistent and PATIENCE. Never allow time to scare you back into sickness. It take a long time to think yourself sick, it will take sometime to think yourself well. We all heal at a difference pace.

The 10% you've talked about could all be "conditioning". The bridge and the tunnels are my "conditioning" trigger. Going to party, meeting someone I dislike, dark sky, coffee.... and many many more are my triggers. You have to figure out what is your trigger and deal with it. Deal with them compassionately, deal with them patiently, deal with them confidently,... no fear, no discourage, no hurry... and they will all pass.

Good luck Pingman.

 

Thanks so much Balto and Mermaid. I can't believe how much better I have gotten so quickly once applying the FEAR strategy. You are so right about the difference between real pain and TMS pain. I have experienced my share of real pain from sports injuries and the had no mental impact on me even though they were so so so much worse pain wise.

I am lucky to have found so much good information so quickly. Only having to live with TMS for 3 months I think will make it easier for me to get back on track.

I think TMS can manifest from repressed issues but I also think your comment about Dr. Weekes theory rings true with my TMS. It is also in line with what my therapist thinks. Before my TMS popped up in November I had been stressed about a health issue as well as some large work projects and family/holidays etc.....

I started to become overwhelmed with the health issue which caused the TMS to start in my leg. I then associated it to Multiple Sclerosis based solely on the internet and failed to listen to my Dr. The obsession and stress became terrible, I still was working on the stressful projects and then the stress I added to the family dynamic caused it to blow up. For me..the stress became chronic quickly. My leg pain went away but when the head tension came in and I associated it to MS, I started shaking in bed at night and not sleeping. The FEAR came at that point...would I ever feel normal again?

That same FEAR is much much smaller now. I have no more anxiety per say by I do FEAR that the tension won't leave before my vacation in March. That is what I am conditioned to think now...I must remember that I caused my body chronic stress for 3 months and it is not going to reverse in one week. As long as I stay patient I will recover.

Your post really helped me get over the hump becuase it was so relatable to me. I got sick of feeling sick becuase I realized how much less my pain was than your pain and you were able to overcome it so why couldn't I. Again, I appreciated yuor post. It tipped me over the edge along with the Claire Weekes audios that Eric sent me.

 

I think my conditioning trigger has to be my false interpretation of light sensitivity. I have tested it out now many times and I know I can't be sensitive to light. I have went out in bright daylight shining on the snow....looked at lighst directly without issue. I do still think about it when I walk into a a room with sun light or go outside. I think this might be the whole reason I am keeping my tension hanging around. I had two eye Drs check the back of my eyes and an MRI so I know structurally I can't be light sensitive.

 

Pingman, Balto, thank you. last week I was somewhere close to Pingman in terms of my recovery and it had happened quickly for me. Then something or things set me back huge a few days ago, I have a sense of what they were but the biggest problem was I spun off into the hole of fear, projecting I was doing something wrong, thinking I hadnt made real progress, yadayadayada.

I was about to write a post asking for ideas when I saw this thread and wow! it was just what I needed. Balto pointing out that injury pain hurts but its just an annoyance snapped me out my fear. I have had plenty of stitches sprains slings and casts but was never afraid of the pain that came with them and my body did heal.

Someone once told me that when you make a choice the universe moves to support you. This site continues to reinforce that point.

 

David - Balto is spot on with his description of how real pan tendsto impact us less than the thought of a mental inducd pain. Like you, I am 100% convincedI have no real physical issues but the FEAR that the mental induced pain wo't go away until I get my mind right is almost worse in sme respects. Its scary to thnk that you hvethe mental ability to cause these somatic issues.

But thn I try and top an reflect on all I know and think ok....I can gt bette because

• I have no structural damage
• My mind created the issue from stress ad negative thiking
• My mind can just as easily reverse th issue with relaxation and positive thinking.

I am slightly different than some people on here because all of my TMS has always ben related to Health Anxiety. It is aways a post reaction. My TMS never starts first, its usually an irrational negative thought about my health that spawns a mimic TMS symptom of what I am worrying about.

I know for 1000% certainty I have created TMS and seen it fade as quickly as I set my mind at ease. Unlucy fo me this go around I found issue wth my head and eyes that is harder to ignore than th other times but I feel like once I win this battle I might have it licked for good.

 

Got another 1% back today. Decided to go out and grab lunch. Very sunny today in Indiana, reflecting off the snow. Didn't wear any sunglasses. Listened to my music in my truck...had zero eye issues. The light sensitivity has to be in my head. I think am am in the conditioning phase. Have to condition my mind to believe again I am not light sensitive.

 

How have you been doing Pingman, We haven't heard from you in a while. I know all is well.
Bless You

 

Hey Eric - Things are pretty much back to normal now. I have been so busy with work, kids practices and enjoying the warm weather I actually forgot about the forum!!!

I am still amazed that I was able to sink to the place where I was and how hard it was to pull yself back out. It was a rough 5 month patch in my life but I do think it has made me stronger mentally, made me more compassionate toward others.

It took awhile to figure out what the cause of my TMS was. I eventually found what I believe to be the cause which was my constant seeking of approval or assurance that I was in fact ok. Other things triggered the issues intially but like all of you said, my constant obsession on my sensations alloed them to manifest into real pain. I realized toward the end that while I ecognized it was TMS...I kept asking my wife 50 times a day if she thought I would return to normal and be ok. Like many of you said...I was feeding the beast...telling my subconscious I had an issue and to keep up th defense. You were spot on wth the affirming in y mind I had an issue,

So I quit finally asking her and started living again. I still get muscle spasms in my thigh and calf on and off when I am sitting in my chair at night but I don't worry anymore Anything worse would have maniftested by now so I just keep on watching TV. I also have the dang floaters still sometimes which popped up during this stressful period but if I ignore them they too go away.

I think I finally realized nothing is promised in life...but you have the opportunity to make of it what you choose. I finaly decided I am stronger than I had been acting and decided to fight and fight and quickly Iwas free.

I hope everyone is well andI hope you all know how much each of you helpd in my recovery.

 

Pingman you are awesome brother, you got it now. I am so proud of you. I have my heart pounding and tears in my eyes as I write this. You have the keys you need now, never stay away to long. Stop in and check us out with a Hi from time to time. You did it my friend.
God Bless You