Day 1 Going to cancel my surgery and put in my time here!

I posted this on the support subforum but then found the SEP so after doing my day one work I will repost what I wrote there.

I am a 59 year old female who has had back issues going back to my teens. I had a laminectomy 25 years ago and have had issues on and off since then. I was advised to have a second surgery about 20 years ago when having severe sciatica and an MRI showed three herniated discs, but due to a delay in getting a second opinion I got better and cancelled. Somewhere on my back pain journey I discovered Dr Sarno and read one of his books and really saw myself as a typical personality type for TMS. I realized that prior to the issue that lead to my first surgery my father had died unexpectedly and my husband had started a new business. No wonder I was feeling anger and anxiety! I used his techniques on several other occasions and was successful in getting over the flare ups. For quite some time I didn't have any real problems.

Last year I suddenly started to have pain that felt like my hip joint. I went to a chiropractor, no help. My next stop was a spine clinic where there is a chiropractor, PT and a nuerosurgeon. They diagnosed me with sacroilitis and I had massage therapy and PT. I had an MRI which showed the same findings I recall hearing from 20 years ago, nothing new. I had an injection in my SI joint and also did spinal decompression treatments on a table. After a couple of months I finally got better gradually. I had tried to use my knowledge of TMS but for some reason (probably my subconcious fear of confronting the real issues) I didn't really give it a chance. I was fine last summer, took a trip to Japan and Korea. Went on another long flight at Christmas and walked all over and during that time had zero pain. In January the hip pain came back and continued to get worse. I had another injection in my SI joint, no help. Had an injection in my spine, no help. The pain was so bad I couldn't sit so I had to work from home. It became unbearable at times. I was popping Vicodin. I had another MRI which had to be done under sedation because I was in too much pain to lay still. The results were no different than last years MRI. The neurosurgeon said he thought the opening in the bone where the nerve exits the spine was narrowed and the cause of the pain. He said he could do a foraminotomy to relieve the pressure. I went ahead and scheduled it as I was desperate.

The more I thought about it the more I started questioning why I suddenly was having these problems when there didn't seem to be any big changes from a year ago or even 20 years ago. About three weeks ago I downloaded "Healing Back Pain" and really started seeing what I feel is the true cause of my pain. After reading and giving myself time to think about some big personal issues that have happened in the last couple of years I started to feel much better. I went from spending all day and night in my recliner to being able to sleep in my bed and getting up and around the house. I have been feeling 70% better but I have these lingering doubts I am trying to overcome. My surgery is scheduled for this Monday and I want to cancel but of course I am feeling anxiety and now my pain level is going back up. I feel like that cartoon where there is an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other!

I guess I am looking for a pep talk! Thanks for letting me vent. I feel calmer from just writing this all down. I need to make a call and cancel the surgery but I am still conflicted. Any insights are welcome.

 

Dear Makena,
You can always reschedule surgery but you can't take away that choice once you've done it. I encourage you to take a month and work diligently with the program and the psychological aspects of the symptoms and see what happens.
Best of luck!
Andrea

 

Makena, you've made a wise decision. As Andrea says, give TMS a chance to heal you.
Surgery should be the last option. Think psychological, not structural.

You're bound to feel some pain because of the anxiety over the decision to put off surgery.
Your subconscious wants you to be in pain to remind you to discover the psychological cause(s) of your pain.
When you've learned them you will heal. Dr. Sarno says we don't even have to resolve those psychological issues,
just recognize them.

 

I woke up stressed and I could tell I had been grinding my teeth all night! I had an appointment for a hair cut, the first in months because I had to cancel due to pain. I went and sat through the color and cut with only some minor discomfort. When I got in my car I called and cancelled. I feel a big relief.

 

Hi Makena,
Right here you have great evidence that you are suffering from TMS. I was scheduled for surgery, and gave myself "three months" to find a Dr. Sarno cure. I was so glad I did!!! Good luck and keep us posted.
Andy B.