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Foot pain and progress

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by gailnyc, Apr 5, 2013.

  1. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    My foot pain has improved enough that I've been able to give up the wheelchair at work--I am now using a walker, which I'm hoping I'll only need for another few days before I feel comfortable enough to walk on my own. Also, for the past week or so I've been taking a very short walk in my neighborhood every day that is just a walk and not me trying to get somewhere or run an errand. The first day I did this I literally walked one city block, but as soon a I did I experienced pain, even though I often walk a city block on my way to doing an errand. It's as though my subconscious knew I was doing this just for me and not out of necessity, and didn't want me to!

    My first week of doing this I slowly increased to two blocks, and consistently had pain, either in my right hip or left big toe joint. I kept telling myself it was just TMS and miraculously the pain just went away.

    I am now up to doing a ten minute walk every day, and today I increased it to 15. Every time I increase I get some sort of pain. Today the pain was in my right big toe.

    My right foot, which is where the pain has been since last August preventing me from leading my normal active life, is particularly good at making me nervous because I can actually SEE structural changes in it. I don't believe the structural changes are enough to cause the pain I've had, but my mind finds them handy to focus on and distract me from psychological issues.

    My right big toe and second toe are smooshed up against each other, and there is a larger-than-usual callus on the left side of my big toe (the side that rubs up against the inside of my shoe). Today after a mere 15-minute walk the callus was really hurting, as though there were a blister on it! Normally it takes a much longer walk for me to develop a blister, but I thought maybe my feet are especially soft after so many months of minimal walking. (I should add that my sneakers are wide and not at all constricting in the toe area.) When I got home I spent a bit of time checking my foot but there was no blister--just the usual callus there. Now (a few hours later) when I press down hard on it it does not hurt, so I am confident again that it was simply another form of TMS pain that I had during my walk.

    I see that I have made enough posts on this forum to have been given the "TMS Guru" title, but I am no guru! I can see that I have many months, if not years, of challenges ahead, due to my TMS personality. The fact that I can actually see physical changes in my foot is something that will probably distract me again and again. I guess I must keep reminding myself of all the pain I've had in the past that proved to be "fake" and has since gone away, and that this too, no matter how "different" it seems, is TMS too, and not related to how weird my foot looks.
  2. EricMd

    EricMd Peer Supporter

    Sounds like you are making progress despite "structural changes". I see people with terrible looking arthritic hands whose function IS impaired by the deformities and NO pain. The subconscious will keep trying to plant doubt in your TMS belief but fortunately you are smarter than it. You will win. My TMS is trying to give me knee pain because my back pain is getting better. I had no injury to my knee but it hurt none the less. I decided to skip instead of run which should have made it worse but I skipped down the street without pain. Luckily the subconscoius mind hasn't studied physics. Keep walking.
    gailnyc likes this.

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