Food Intolerance & GERD

Hi, I thought I would take issues one topic at a time and seek advice.

I am a vegetarian with the exception (isn't there always an exception?) of Pacific-caught salmon or local fish. That exception is a couple days every couple-or-few weeks. I have been repulsed by meat since about 16 years of age (I am 49 now). My mom's 3rd husband (violent alcoholic) played on this and did deliberate cruelties involving slaughtering chickens (normal when they get older and no longer lay eggs) and putting the carcasses in my bathtub, throwing severed feet at my face, and slaughtering two geese my brother and I rescued. Years before, when I was 12, my mother's boyfriend slaughtered our show bunnies (my brother and I each had one) and served them up for dinner. Those are examples.

Anyway, my body rejected meat. Which I am completely okay with. I consider that animals are my friends, not my food.

The issue is the rest of my food choices. My beloved vegetable and fruit choices have been narrowing down for the last 4 or 5 years. Apples are the only fruit left that actually soothes my body. Carrots don't cause any issues. Quinoa and apples are my two best friends.

Breakfast NEVER bothers me. Diced apple, couple spoons of quinoa, some raw oatmeal, grapenuts, sometimes flax, honey, cinnamon, sometimes elderberry syrup. My body loves it.

Lunch ... my favorite meal of the day .. has become my dreaded meal. I did try my breakfast meal for lunch, and the reaction was very mild (a relief!). I have tried all sorts of variations with my vegies, including vegie broth.

The result of all this has been steady weight loss. In THAT aspect, I do not mind. I've had weight issues since around age 16. Bulimia was also a factor for many years. This was a deliberate choice as moms husband #3 would force me to eat food I didn't want, so when I was alone, I would get it out of my body. Soon it became secret eating and purging. However, that eventually stopped in my early 20's. My weight always fluctuated depending on my feeling of safety. Overweight meant safe but filled with self-hate, less weight was risky, but diminished the self-hate. All THAT has also passed. My feeling of safety is at an all time high, and my weight is healthy for my body type.

That said, my husband thinks (and complains) that he is hugging bones. My wedding ring had to be taken in and reduced by a full size because it was falling off.

Now I would just like to be able to eat my favorite lunch meal! The years have whittled down my choices (I adoooooore bean and cheese and rice burritos and miss them terribly) to a small pan full of sauteed (in coconut oil) mixed vegies.

But it hurts. Just a few bites into it, and BAM, the gut is twisting and writhing in nearly sweat-breaking pain.

Why do I think this is TMS? Because the symptoms severely worsened days into coming across the TMS concept. The last few weeks have been agonizing.

I do not eat dinner but I snack on apples, and later a bowl of popcorn. No issues here.

I will add that I have very low blood pressure (sometimes too low). After eating, I often get very cold as my resources focus on digestion and pull way from my extremities. Raynauds is an old and persistent companion.

Writing this out very well may be helpful.

That said ... I am very grateful for the path that led me to this forum.

^_^

 

Lily Rose, dear one,
I'm glad your path has led you to this forum, too. I believe you are correct in assuming your food intolerances and GERD are TMS. Based on the history you have shared in your post, you have strong associations between food and repressed emotions--and perhaps PTSD. Are you seeing a therapist? Sometimes we need that extra support to work through really difficult issues--I know I did. There are several options available on this site for structured programs to work on independently, but if you are able to see a therapist, I highly recommend it. The kind of childhood trauma you describe above is really difficult to work through alone.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. You will find lots of kind, compassionate and knowledgeable people on this site who are here to support you on your healing journey.

 

Hi Lily Rose. Beautiful name. Just as you are.

I would be journaling about the things from your past to get them "out". You were treated cruely.

My opinion is food intolerance is = to an intolerance we are feeling in our lives.

I do agree the weight gain can be a safety issue too. I have seen my weight fluctuate according to what's going on in my life or what I'm feeling

Best wishes!!

 

I used to journal extensively, but I had 'forgotten'. About seven years ago, I -found- a box of journals from my teens and 20's. I was horrified by the contents. It literally made me ill to see the words. I couldn't bear it, so the next time we had a burn-day, I had my husband toss everything into the flames. I didn't even want to watch. It also provoked a wish to erase myself. To remove any trace of who and what I was. To never let anyone know what lay beneath my surface. When family members bring up the past, remembering benign issues, my mind walks parallel to that time with a totally different and darker memories. Things they know nothing about. I dread the 'do you remember when ...' conversations. Yeah. I remember. And photos ... oh the agony of seeing photos. I want to burn them. All o them. Back to that erasing thought.

While the journaling put the memories on paper, it didn't get them 'out'. Rather, it embedded them deeper.

Perhaps I need to rethink the process of journaling.

Perhaps I need to rethink a LOT of things .... *nods thoughtfully*

As for food ... yeah. I don't let anyone prepare my food, either. Subway is safe, as I can watch. A vegan friend is okay, because she finds food sacred. On rare occasions, Thai or Mexican food, but with caution.

Ahhh what tangled, complicated webs are woven within our minds!

With gratitude for the support,
^_^

 

IMHO, all food issues are TMS. I have quite a few of them. It's an open book - a work in progress. Child abuse is probably the #1 cause of all of our TMS issues.

 

Lily Rose,
I'm so sorry for the way food was used against you.
Awareness is one of the gifts of this program, but it's a challenge as well.
Blessings to you as you journey.

 

Awareness is becoming everything.

Being on this forum has made such a shift inside me .. the hope is bursting open.

always with gratitude,
^_^