Day 11 Flair up/extension burst?

So today i decided i'm not going to journal. Not because i can't do it but because i want to take a day break from it. I figure taking a day off isn't going to kill me. The last week has been sort of depressing i'm thinking that the stress of it has caused a flair up of pain. I think i may be experiencing extension bursts as well. I'm not 100 percent sure what that is but i think it's where you're close to the breakthrough and the pain comes on strong in a last attempt to continue the pain. Well it's been almost a month that i've returned to the TMS theory and i have to say the first three weeks were almost flawless. I've been able to return to typing a lot and i've been playing more guitar here and there. My pain at work hasn't been crippling and i've been able to get through it with little concern. I've even had a lot of days where if i wasn't doing anything i would have no pain in any sense. But this last week has been a nightmare. I know i have TMS i know it's the cause of all my pain and concern. I realize a lot of the triggers to my pain. The perfectionist attitude and the repressed stress i was feeling when all the symptoms started. I really don't think i've missed much so far in my discovery. I just still seem to have pain right now. With that being said it isn't bad enough to where i'm backsliding as far as activities go i'm still typing and i'm still doing all my regular activities i'm just experiencing a lingering pain. Let me discuss my week to give an idea of why the pain might of returned. For starters i've been having more issues of panic attacks and that's been a big concern. I don't even want to go out into public lately because i'm afraid i'll have a panic attack and i have had a few. That's been enough stress on me. Plus me and my girlfriend have been arguing over it. She wants to get out and do more now and i just can't stand it at the moment. I love doing things it's just i don't enjoy the panic episodes that come with it. She wants to move to a bigger city soon and i've been worrying about that because i don't feel ready. I'm terrified enough of the small crowds i don't like the idea of coming out of my comfort zone right now. If anyone has read my posts lately my father died of liver and kidney failure on apric the third. He had a small dog named carma and i promised i'd take care of that animal well for my fathers sake. He loved that animal very much. A Few nights ago i let her out to use the bathroom quickly because she didn't really get to go out much during the day. I should of known better because recently shes had a tendency to be defiant and run off. Well she ran off and wouldn't come back when i called her. I went out a few times more that night and called for her but she didn't come. By bed time i had forgotten that i let her out in the first place. I went to sleep and didn't even think anything of it. Usually she would just come back and sit at the door until i would eventually let her in. Well when i went up the road the next morning i found her dead on the side of the street. I feel extremely responsible for that animals death. It was a horrible situation and i wish i would of used better judgement. I just keep wondering what my father might think of the situation and it's depressing. Another issue is i've been going to see a psychiatrist lately and he has diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. He keeps giving medicine i don't want to take and the only reason i'm considering it is for my family which is concerned about my mental health. I was mainly arguing with him today because i was more concerned with the anxiety than any issues that come with bipolar. He continues to insist when i have my bipolar under control i'll have my anxiety under control. Last night was my peak in weekly pain. I was aggravated i had to see him today and i couldn't sleep because someone stayed on the phone all night. I started thinking what's the use i'm just gonna be in pain forever. That wasn't helpful. Well i'm going to stop typing today because i am starting to get a slight pain in my fingers but that's ok because i've been able to type a pretty significant amount just on this post. I think with recent events it's understandable why my pain has made somewhat of a return.

 

jwiles. It's okay to work the SEP at your own pace. Don't push yourself.

Your late father's dog may have kept running away because it doesn't know your father is dead and has gone out looking for him. This happened to a neighbor's dog who even went out in a blizzard to go to the house they had lived in a year before, and sat on the front lawn deep in snow and howled for him. We found him and returned him to his master's widow.

My first dog got out of the house without me knowing it and got hit by a speeding motorcycle and was killed. I felt awful but knew it was not my fault. You need to forgive yourself and not feel you were responsible for your dog's death. I then rescued a puppy from an animal shelter and we had more than 16 wonderful years together. Same with the dog I had after her. And I'm having another wonderful life with a dog I got right after the last one died after another 16 years. Annie is 14 now and we are lovers.

I hope you can avoid medication, even if the psych says you are bipolar. I know several people with that and they manage fine to live and work. Some very famous and successful people are bipolar. You may just have TMS repressed emotions.

 

About dealing with anxiety about crowds and other things...
I highly recommend the book by Dr. Claire Weeks: Hope and Help for Your Nerves.
You can probably buy a used copy at amazon.books for just a few bucks.

 

Hi Jwiles,
I think you are referring to "extinction bursts." What that means is when a pain is about to become extinct - because you are successful! - your unconscious mind will fight back. That's a great thing because it means you have your unconscious "on the run." You are about to extinguish the pain! Hope that helps, Sunny

 

Re bipolar: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/28/magazine/i-dont-believe-in-god-but-i-believe-in-lithium.html

You might find it helpful. My mother is bipolar. I would get a second opinion from a different psychiatrist...really important you do this before starting the meds, OK? If you are bipolar, it is not the end of the world, you can lead a good life, and the medications can really, really help you.

 

my psychiatrist is unreasonable anyway. I probably will get a second opinion

 

Good for you, jwiles. Stick with your gut. A counselor or psychologist or psychiatrist should be someone you trust and you should feel like you have a therapeutic relationship. I've learned the hard way not to treat any professional as if they are "God." I've dealt with outstanding professionals, and some that I would never recommend to anyone. It's important to reject bad professionals and bad information, just as it's important to keep reaching out for assistance that you feel is necessary to heal and to accept valid information (whether or not it's what you wanted to hear!) Your inner wisdom is very important in this process!

It's also interesting that you mention anxiety. I read (somewhere) that anxiety and pain serve the same purpose - both are defensive mechanisms. So, I am treating my anxiety just like another pain symptom and talking to my anxiety just like I'm talking to my pain - and it IS working. Maybe think about this and see what makes sense to you. Best wishes! Sunny