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Feeling your feelings

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by kkcarlton, Jun 28, 2017.

  1. kkcarlton

    kkcarlton Peer Supporter


    Last year around May I had been back pain free for several months. I was out walking my dog one day and about 5 minutes from my house someone was in their garage with their dog. The dog was not leashed, he ran out to me and my dog. In an effort to keep the dogs apart, as mine does not do well when on the leash, I got bitten in the stomach, left index finger, and right middle finger. I ended up at the ER. Four days later I had surgery to repair 2 torn tendons in my right middle finger. The pain after surgery was awful. I was in a full hand splint for 6 weeks and had physical surgery twice a week during and after the hand splint. The whole thing cost us around $2,500. The owner of the other dog was not liable because it was my dog who bit my finger. It was also sometime after this incident that the back pain slowly started coming back. I never made the connection and started down a rabbit trail of adrenal fatigue, hormonal imbalance, and mineral deficiencies.

    It was suggested that I write an unsent letter to the owner of the dog. I did this a little while ago. I wrote about being angry, the pain I endured, the money I had to spend, etc.....and I felt nothing. It's like I was telling somebody else's story but not mine.

    How do I get to the point where I am able to feel my feelings?

    Thank you!
  2. birdsetfree

    birdsetfree Well known member

    What a trauma you have been through. I am not surprised your mind has sent you some physical distractions. As long as you keep reminding yourself that your back pain and other symptoms are a result of the emotional trauma, then they will settle down. Be patient and relax, give yourself time to get over it.
  3. kkcarlton

    kkcarlton Peer Supporter

    Thank you. All this happened 4 months after my mom passed away. She lived in Germany and I went over three times between October 2015 and May 2016. The first time I went I left 2 days after my husband and I had just moved into a house we bought. I stayed 6 weeks, came home for 4 weeks, and went another 6 weeks. I regret coming home those 4 weeks instead of spending that time with her knowing she would die. The interesting thing is that I want to share all this with people but I don't know why. I don't like pity and I don't like attention. When people say that's a lot to deal with I minimize what I went through and feel like I should be over it already, but the truth is that it was a really, really hard time.

    What is even more interesting is that I had been dealing with chronic back pain when I went to Germany the first time. It was while I was there that the pain went away, which I still don't understand. I did get on adrenal support during that time and my magnesium levels came up, but with all the stress, I was surprised the pain went away.
  4. birdsetfree

    birdsetfree Well known member

    I'm sorry for your loss. What a sad time for you. I think that the pain went away when you were in Germany because your full focus was on your Mom. Also you left a lot of your triggers behind. I would say be compassionate with yourself to allow those feelings to surface.

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