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Emotions causing tms to worsen

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, Sep 29, 2014.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Hello all

    I am new to forum, just a brief explanation i finally have accepted the tms explanation due to going on 4 yrs of my doctor and nuero telling me they can't find anything and the numerous drugs and supplements which were nothing but a bandaid. I read mind body and divided mind over and over and it finally sinking in.....on top of it all my wife says she is leaving me because I am always in pain....maybe a blessing in disguise? But since her telling me I can't stop the sadness and the pain....what do I do. HELP
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Boston, we're glad you found us here. When "they can't find anything wrong" this is the right place to end up, so give yourself credit for being here!

    This is a sad outcome for you right now - you may need professional, or at least personal help to get you through this time - such as individual or group therapy. However, I will take a guess at one of your issues, simply because it's an issue for so many of us with chronic pain conditions, which is self-acceptance and self-love. This is something that is in short supply in our lives, and I suspect that since your wife's announcement, you are loving yourself even less than ever, if not actively blaming yourself for everything.

    Part of recovery from TMS requires being aware of, and accepting, the mechanism for pain, but you must also give yourself permission to not be in pain, which means that you must be willing to accept and love yourself. As for your marriage, if you don't love yourself, it's hard to accept that someone else might love you - but now I'm suggesting complex relationship issues that can't be resolved on this forum, which is why I'm thinking that you may need a professional to help you sort them out.

    Human relationships are HARD and very imperfect. You said that perhaps your wife leaving is a blessing in disguise? You kind of tossed that comment out there, but it may be a truth that you've been hiding from yourself! If that's the case, you will find relief in acknowledging how you really feel and what you really want. You'll need to resolve your conflicting emotions around the relationship, as well as the role that your pain has played.

    Hanging out here, you will come across many resources to help you, starting with the (totally free) Structured Educational Program, which will introduce you to writing and journaling exercises, designed to uncover the repressed emotions, current and/or past, which are underneath your pain. The SEP will encourage you to post here as a way to express yourself.

    Good luck!

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) and Ellen like this.
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Boston Red Sox.
    Jan is right that since nothing structural has been found, your pain is from TMS repressed emotions.
    When you discover what those are, you are going to be free of pain and be a much healthier, happy person.

    It looks to me like your wife is one of your repressed emotions, maybe the biggest.
    If she keeps saying she will leave you because of your pain, or acts on that threat, she is not the loving wife you want or need.
    The marriage vows say to stick together through good times and bad.

    I've been a lifelong bachelor and never regretted not marrying or having children.
    I have been a good friend to married friends and am godfather to six of their children.

    You need the support of this TMS group of people and we have all become friends. You might
    start the Structured Education Program which will lead you through the TMS steps toward healing.

    Meanwhile, this is wishing you peace in dealing with your pain and your wife. My hope is that she changes her mind\
    and rides this out with you. But if not, like you say, it may be a blessing in disguise.
    Boston Redsox and JanAtheCPA like this.
  4. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Last edited: Sep 30, 2014
  5. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    You are right Walt she is one of my biggest pain feeders and as been for awhile....I am working with a tms therapist I find this site a god send to all of us who are suffering with pain.

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