Does this sound like conditioning?

Won't bore you all again with the full litany.

Basically, I am finding it increasingly difficult to partake in my usual running activity. I have tried to drastically reduce and at times totally stop running (for a couple of weeks) but whenever I go out for a run now my left hamstring is increasingly tight and my left quad tightens. I went for a run last night and only did 2 miles but sort of struggled through. I was sort of half expecting to feel the effects this morning and sure enough upon waking my left quad feels like a have done a marathon...not really painful but that feeling of being overly exerted...now, I used to run marathons and not have this happening so it is just not logical...of course, all my daily pain is lower left side back ache, piriformis and upper leg pain so it all fits together. What is of course strange is that this feels so localised really...never below the knee and never on the right. Its also weird as to how my whole body feels ok this morning but my left quad just feels so fatigued and cramped up.

I really don't know what to make of it all. On a structural level I can imagine that there is some alignment/impingment issue but then when I look at the pain pattern and timescale that doesn't seem logical...I think if I look at this from a TMS perspective it sort of makes sense because the feeling in my left quad now is like a lactic acid type build up thing which I believe is basically an lack of oxygen.

What is annoying is that up until quite recently I could run and it would actually ease the discomfort but this just doesn't appear to be happening now...I think I'm just full of fear and doubt as my 'western' brain and thinking is telling me that this is a physical/structural issue that is deteriorating but then I suppose this could be a classic conditioning thing going on. Losing the ability to run due to my pain was always a deep seated fear and now it seems to be happening.

Thanks for any thoughts and comment.

 

Oh Huckleberry….I so understand! My biggest fear (that still pops up) is leg issues that have kept me inactive. And lately my shin/gastroc/achilles issues are flaring again.

FEAR, Dr. Sarno points out, is many times the more devastating aspect of TMS. You already recognize you're packing a lot of fear. And also, you're using visualization because you can imagine that there is an alignment issue. That just sounds like conditioning to me. I'm all to familiar with that script having heard it umpteen years from PTs, Chiros, sports trainers, etc, etc. Imagine a healthy/smoothly operating muscle instead. I love what SteveO said he imagined when he was running…he pictured himself running on downy cotton.

Last night on the call, I was able to ask the folks about their history/victories on dealing with muscle cramps. (That's what my leg will do, complete with huge knots that are easily felt.) Be assured, I was told, THIS IS TMS! And YES, YOU CAN CONQUER IT! (Forgive the shouting. )

This morning, after I dropped my hubby off to work I decided to give my brain a good talking to. I'm sure if someone observed me, it would have been amusing to watch. (Or concerning.) I turned into an old time camp revival preacher, shouting at my brain and my leg to KNOCK IT OFF!!!

Then after I primed the pump, I told every other symptom the same what for. At full volume. Especially telling fear to get the hell away from me. I'm tired of fear dictating my choices…my life!

Hang in there, Huckleberry. You're on the right road!!! You really are! (Can you hear my shouting my cheers for you? Once I start this shouting stuff, it's sort of fun!)

Sending you warm thoughts...

 

North Star is right, Huckleberry. It looks like you still think your pain is from something structural.
It's not easy to convince yourself it is 100 percent from TMS, repressed emotions, but that's what it will take to heal.

You need to discover what those emotions are, and when you run, visualize yourself second behind the
leader in a marathon, then pulling ahead of him to the finish line.
You're still a winner. The TMS pain is to get you to be a Super Winner, because you will learn so much more
about yourself and living happily and pain-free.

 

Thanks so much for the replies...yep, I really am stumbling at the first fence with this as I am still not accepting the non structural diagnosis 100%...heck truth be told it's probably about 50/50.

The problem for me is that I've known about TMS for about 4 years yet I still don't really feel any closer to accepting it as my diagnosis. It is so frustrating as I fit all the boxes and it feels so right but it's purely on an intellectual level. The percentage of doubt just seems to totally over ride the ability to accept it on a gut level. I'm not really sure on how to progress.

 

Solution? Knowledge therapy and persistent endless repetition.

 

Thanks for the reply...got to be honest I'm all knowledge therapied out. I've read so much on TMS and MBS I'm one of those who has basically become paralysed by analysis. I think what Monte Hueftle has to say is quite true in that the constant hunting for more and more knowledge is TMS in itself...as you can probably tell by my posts I'm in this rut.

 

Thanks for your thoughts Walt.

Regarding the running I have taken the decision to take a break from it for a while. I had actually spoken to my TMS therapist about this previously so it's not a snap decision.

I'm not stopping my activity as I'm going to continue my hiking but what I'm finding is that I'm just not enjoying running now as I feel it's actually causing me more stress and inner tension. I've examined my reasons for stopping and I'm quite happy that it is for the right reasons...I think the problem with running for me is that I'm constantly evaluating and worrying and am just unable to relax into it. With my hiking I find that more therapeutic for me.

My therapist did touch on the idea that TMS can often serve to threaten our identity as it affects a physical activity we hold dear. This is quite true for me as I have sort of defined myself as a runner/hiker so it is going to be quite strange. I'm sure once I've got a handle on things and the urge returns I will dig the trainers back out but for now I'm just going to concentrate on hiking some hills and stopping to smell the roses.

 

Huckleberry: It occurred to me after last night's Tuesday book discussion webinar that you might want to check out the two chapters of Steve Ozanich's Great Pain Deception TMS recovery autobiography we covered last night: Chapter 36 - Trouble Healers: Unconscious Resistance to Change and Chapter 37 - Is it Gone Yet? Uh-You Still Here? Yes, Steve, like Monte, does counsel just getting out there and living, but he also goes over a big list of all the unconscious strategies that "trouble healers" employ to avoid getting real and doing just that. He likewise advises that you quit monitoring your progress and just engage life directly. Easier said than done, huh? Our discussion should be posted up by Becca in a few days. You might want to listen in after reading those two chapters.

 

Cheers Bruce I will look out for that.