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Daniel L. Deadlines and pressure

Discussion in 'Ask a TMS Therapist' started by Scouser, Sep 11, 2014.

  1. Scouser

    Scouser New Member

    This question was submitted via our Ask a TMS Therapist program. To submit your question, click here.

    Question
    Deadlines, what is a healthy compromise ?

    I'm having problems with this, I'm aware I put all kinds of pressure on myself to meet my self imposed deadlines. I think this is linked to lots of other issues from my past.

    Also if I didn't have a deadline my projects could go on forever. Let me explain in my spare time I write compose and arrange music and it can be quite easy to go on forever with a project, because when one is a "perfectionist" I can always say if I just do this or do that I could improve upon it.

    I realise this seems a pretty insignificant problem, but instinctively I feel this is playing a part in my TMS I have wrestled with this idea and ways to find a happy medium, but so far can't find a solution..

    Any ideas ?
     
  2. Daniel G Lyman LCSW

    Daniel G Lyman LCSW TMS Therapist

    Answer
    Great question. I know it’s difficult to find a happy medium when the way you’ve lived your life is to put pressure on yourself to achieve goals, but you want to decrease that pressure so that you feel better about yourself.

    I think the trick lies in asking yourself how the pressure you put on yourself feels. Ask yourself, “Does this pressure feel good?” If the answer from your gut is a resounding “NO,” then you have your answer. 99.9% of the time people say that putting pressure on themselves doesn’t feel good. So what do you do at that point?

    Many of my clients are worried that if they don’t put pressure on themselves that they won’t be productive. I don’t believe that’s true. If you don’t put any pressure on yourself to achieve a goal, you might find that you innately WANT to work towards a goal. When you find that you want to work toward a goal, it’s not putting pressure on yourself, but rather something that feels good.

    Here’s the simplified version: Somewhere along the line you learned that pressure is the only way to achieve, but that's a fallacy. You can achieve goals in a timely manner without putting pressure on yourself – it’s all in how you look at it.


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    Eric "Herbie" Watson and Forest like this.
  3. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree with Daniel Lyman. I'm a perfectionist and work for a super perfectionist book publisher.
    He'd eat me alive if I let him, with all the work he loads onto me. I've learned that if I work half as hard as I do,
    I still do more than most people. So I've learned to pace myself. It's the only way, or I'd go nertz from him.
     

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