I was reading about destructive behaviors and boy do I have them! Let's recap. They are criticism, putting pressure on yourself, and fear. At lunch today I was talking to some co-workers about how my oldest daughter drives me batty because she is so forgetful sometimes, and one of my friends got up from the table and left without saying good-bye. I immediately blamed myself for my topic of conversation, and started belittling myself for complaining about my daughter. I started to ask myself, "Was I complaining about other things during lunch too? Am I overly negative, such that people don't want to be around me?" When I write it now, none of that really seems to make any sense, logically. I have many friends, and I talk about all sorts of things! Even if I am negative more than I should be, that's not a reason to beat myself up. It's a time to re-examine what I'm thinking and talking about, and why I am. I feel like every time I do one of these exercises they were written specifically for me. I guess us TMS'ers have many of the same problems! Pressure on myself, pretty much all the time. This is constant. Last night I went to 5 different stores to return and buy things. This is such "All or nothing" thinking. I knew it was irrational, that some of it could wait, but I had been putting off many of these errands, and I was being hard on myself. "Gotta get it done or it won't get done" is the motto going through my head so often. Fear. My old friend, that I want to shake. Like shake until it's stupid head falls off shake!! I hate living in fear. I know meditation helps with fear but I haven't been doing it. I am very mad at myself this week because I haven't been taking care of my body like I should. I've been exercising (yay!) but I haven't been meditating or sleeping enough (boo!) which makes me more tired then I usually am. I'm beating myself up over what I haven't done. I wish I could just give myself some room to be human.