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Day 5 and I am angry

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by ken v, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. ken v

    ken v New Member


    After 22 years of chasing doctors, various treatments, medication, and physical therapy, my lower back/SI joint pain has only gotten worse to the point now where I had to resign from the classroom after 25 years as a science teacher this past January. Picked up Sarno's book and read it last week and started the SEP program 5 days ago because, as others have said, my symptoms, experiences and traits are all over that book and this website. I must have TMS. It just makes so much sense to me. Spent the the last 4 days filled with hope. Tried to ignore my pain and face the overwhelming fear I have of activating my pain as a result of any activity (sitting, walking etc..). Well Day 5 is here and I am "lit up with pain like lights on a Christmas Tree" and had to laugh at the Day 5 suggestion of going out and doing something I enjoy. I did that yesterday and boy am I paying for it today. Not giving up just letting you all know I am ticked off about it.

  2. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Ken, and Welcome!

    You have probably found the answer to your pain issues. We've all been through hell here so we understand. I was a teacher and couldn't teach for several months because of whiplash, years ago. Now I understand the source of the pain. The learning in you will blow you away if you are patient, and commit to the process. I had 8 doctors ready to operate on my feet, and I could hardly hobble to the bathroom, for years. Now I climb mountains with a backpack, again.

    Good luck. And you have a right to feel angry!! I get that you have searched for so long, suffered so much, and now begin with great sincerity to start something that you think is finally the answer...and OUCH! Allowing your disappointment and anger, and frustration is, to me, part of having self-compassion. You're allowing you to have your real feelings. And self-compassion is pure gold.

    Also, here is good article on Fear and TMS.

    Andy B.
    Simplicity and IrishSceptic like this.
  3. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Ken. Andy's reply to your post says it all... from hobbling to the bathroom to climbing mountains again is fantastic proof that TMS healing works.

    I had a similar experience with doctors who are quick to cut. One wanted to open my neck because of a tiny pimple there. I insisted on a culture be taken first and over his resistance it was taken and found to be nothing but a tiny water pimple.

    Think TMS first. Frustration and anger are very common causes of TMS pain. It's also normal to feel some pain after getting back to exercise. Just believe Dr. Sarno that physical activity is not harmful. You might try some of the easy exercises on Youtube. I like the ones for seniors... sitting and standing...
    they get me moving more.
  4. ken v

    ken v New Member

    Thanks Andy and Walt. Its Day 6 of Sep and I have had a great day. Pain levels are way down after I figured out by accident that my increase in pain was probably caused by repressed sadness/anger that built up over the fact that I was not going to be able to go walking with the kids and our friends as they trick or treated because I had built up so much pain and fear about going. Love Halloween night and fear had convinced me that I couldn't go because walking around would launch me into days of pain and limited mobility. As I watched my family and friends walk off one dad stayed behind and asked me what I liked so much about Halloween (because he didn't like it) After explaining why I liked it, I found myself getting really angry so I went inside and had a good cry. Pain levels dropped a little and by the next day the pain had dropped to manageable levels again. Whether it was because I had a cry or because the pressure of going trick or treating had passed - I do not know. Probably the latter.

    So I march on. I've got to tell you though. My biggest obstacle is the fear as described above. I do not get my worst symptoms as I am active, but only in response to having been active earlier in the day. I am always fearful of being active. So when I read I just need to go do things I want to do and ignore the fear - it is very difficult.

  5. riv44

    riv44 Well known member

    When I first read Healing Back Pain, I cried.
  6. ken v

    ken v New Member

    Its Day 11 of SEP and after a week of amazing progress I am again in pain. Last week I made the goal of taking back some of my life which resulted in me being able to attend my daughter's volleyball games two days in a row and attend my son's basketball practice 2 days later. I also went to the store shopping for the first time in 6 months. The best was Saturday when I was able to attend my sons b-ball practice, my daughters soccer game and my son's football game with only minor flares of pain.

    However , after attending my daughters volleyball practice Sunday night, I immediately went into intense flare up mode. As I am learning to think pyschologically, I searched for emotional reasons for the pain and found several.
    Journaled about them. Felt some emotions - most of them anger. While this made me feel better inside it has had no effect on the pain. Know I am not supposed to "care" about the pain. But it is still overwhelming and now fear has me worried that all I thought I had learned last week is for naught.

    Any advice?
  7. David88

    David88 Well known member

    Hi Ken,

    Give it some time. You've had TMS for years, and you've only been at the SEP for a couple of weeks. It takes time for the new ideas to sink in. Keep working through the SEP, and don't put pressure on yourself. Progress is not linear. Challenging the pain will stir up emotions, and may make you feel worse for a while. Just keep at it.

    I've been working on TMS for years, and though I've made lots of progress, I still get tripped up sometimes. We're human. Part of healing is learning self-compassion. Give yourself credit for taking on TMS with determination, and for the progress you already made.

  8. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Ken, attending all those sports events, sitting on hard benches, may not have helped your pains, but they were great in morale-building, that you bit the bullet and showed your kids you love them by watching them play. That has become such a big part of parenting today.

    It's funny how different we men can be. You love Halloween, your friend hates it. I never married and would have made a terrible father because sports do not interest me, so I would not have wanted to watch my kids play. I am 85 and grew up in era when parents seldom watched their kids play sports.

    As for crying, I think it's a great emotional release and more men should try it.
  9. riv44

    riv44 Well known member

    Walt, you would have been a terrible father because you hate sports? Now, now!
    David88 likes this.
  10. David88

    David88 Well known member

    Only sports fans can be good fathers? Surely you don't mean that!

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