Day 10 - repost from yesterday's Genera Forum Post

I posted this yesterday in the General Forum because I thought it was more appropriate but maybe not. I thought I was on Day 10 but today is actually Day 10. I was on Day 9. Although I thought about the journaling topic I just didn't feel like writing so maybe I need to go back to Day 9. I went to a local therapist (not a TMS therapist_ but she seemed to think I was doing okay. I left with a mindfulness exercise for my anxious ways. I know I need that but that isn't going to solve my problems I think. So I am not going back. After that I didn't feel like writing. I took a day off & watched a movie.

So here is my post from yesterday as I mentioned:

"I am on Day 10 of the Structured Education Program, am 36 years old & about to start my 2nd semester of nursing school. Needless to say, all this information has SHAKEN my world. Part of the reason I went back to school to pursue nursing is all these pain problems I had. In case you are wondering, the other 2 reasons I decided to go back to school are that I didn't like/believe in what I was doing so much anymore (I worked in pharmacy & already didn't believe that pills are the way but a plant based diet such as Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live is) & also that I just didn't think my career was "good enough" (queue the TMS personality). Anyway, since I already didn't feel I was going to be a mainstream nurse I still think my calling within the field of nursing will find me. Just the reasons I am going back this semester are different than the reasons I started. I find it funny that I quit my pharmacy tech work because I didn't believe in it & now I am in a similar boat with nursing. Just about a week ago I was literally crying to my husband about how can I possibly go on in nursing. Again, I truly feel my path is within nursing...it is even clearer to me now.
I was just in the kitchen cooking and listening to the Stress & Pain Conference YouTube video where Dr. Schubiner mentioned we need to get Oprah & Dr. Oz behind us. So how do we make that happen??? The message needs to get out there more! Although, I feel I saw something like this on Dr. Oz a couple of years ago & thought it was nonsense at the time. Am I behind & something was on Dr. Oz f

I also received an email from my school regarding an essay contest in which the topic is "Is there a story from the history of the health science or public health that has inspired you in some way or that has shaped your understanding of humanity's quest for scientific knowledge & the development of effective clinical or public health practice?" Um, HELL YES! Normally I would delete these emails but I feel compelled to write on this (2500 word limit). Given my typical TMS personality though I can find myself diving into this obsessively to make the perfect essay with all the facts (even though I am not worried about winning the $5o0) that this can end up taking me too much time. So I am torn if I should take this on 10 days into this recovery program. The due date for the essay is Oct 12th but of course I would want to get most of it done before school starts Aug. 24th (if I decide to do it). I am reading The Divided Mind right now so I have some ideas floating in my head. I am thinking of a topic on "When Was the Mind Taken Out of Medicine?" BUT maybe I should just drop it & focus on recovery & school starting back up.

In addition, my school sent an email just a couple of days later regarding a new Mental Health Committee formed & they are accepting applications for various positions. I am interested in the Outreach Coordinator position (it will focus on developing & supporting programs to improve student wellness, including mindfulness practices, especially academic curricula). It just seems like such important work. But again, I wonder if I am thinking of too many things. I usually take on NOTHING extra while in school because I dive into my studies as an artist would dive into a new painting. I just don't like to put the extra burden on myself...HOWEVER, I am trying to lead a more balanced life. It can't be all school.

I know my priority had to be on recovery.

So back to this Dr. Oz thing...how do we make this happen? I will happily volunteer to go on the show "

 

I think many people trying to heal themselves go into some sort of caring/curing/helping career. I know several people who are nurses that suffered greatly from fibromyalgia (TMS!) When I had to give up running a plant nursery I retrained as an alternative therapist. I so wanted to help other people - but also I realised that I needed to heal myself before I could be any real help to others. It took me years to get to the point where I 'found ' Dr Sarno and realised I had TMS. But if I had not undertaken the entire journey with all the soul-searching and wondering along the way - I would not be as empathic and compassionate as I am now and I would have far less understanding of other peoples pain and suffering. So I think being in a caring profession - even when you can see that it does not hold all the answers - is still a really valid and helpful thing to do - it allows you to be there for others , but also gives insights into yourself and your own problems.
Only you can decide what you have time and energy for. The essay looks interesting and you could use it as a piece of 'work' to help you integrate the TMS lessons. By writing clearly for others you may get more insights yourself - especially if you can identify your TMS tendencies and characteristics when you are writing it! Used as therapy it ticks 2 boxes - helping others and helping yourself... As to the councillor position - again you need to decide how much time you can give and how you can integrate the work required into your day to day work as well as your TMS recovery. If I may suggest - ensure you factor in time to just be - to walk in nature, read, ponder and be mindful yourself, without any other pressures and commitments.
Your priority does have to be on recovery but only you can really work out just how to get there... good luck!

 

Thank you for your kind words. I think you are right. I think the Outreach Coordinator may be too much for me at this time. Nursing school is intense & now I have my recovery (self-discovery) I am working on as well. I may not be quite in a position yet to give others help on something I myself am still learning & discovering. I just didn't want to pass up the opportunity. I am sure others will come my way if I have faith. I was thinking the same on the essay contest. It will be a good recovery tool while maybe educating others at the same time. I still have time to think about it all. I love walking in nature...been doing that every morning lately.