Day 1

I am on day 4 but decided to come back and write my story.

I had chronic back pain for 8 years, which started in 2004, over this time I spent thousands on physio and alternative treatments, I was told the only thing that would help was surgery, so glad I didn't go down that route. In 2012, I read 'Healing Back Pain' and discovered the TMS Wiki programme, both helped me to become pain free. It took about a year from first reading Dr Sarno's words and I have been mostly pain free since, if it has come back into my back or leg, I journal and it is gone within a few days.

Today my TMS has come back, I have had sciatic and back pain for 6 weeks and it is not going anywhere. I can't work, I can't stand for more that a minute without excruciating pain in my leg. I have had a very stressful summer as I lost an aunt who I was very close to when I was younger and so I can see that because of this, and along with my unrelenting striving to be a better partner, a better mother, better at my job, have more money, more time, more energy, there has been a build up of tension and internal rage which has led to TMS. Unfortunately this time this knowledge is not easing the sciatic pain, I struggle to find exceptions to the pain because every time I stand for more than a minute it really hurts.

Looking back over the last few years and re-reading 'The Mindbody Prescription' and 'The Divided Mind' I now realise that my gastritis and suspected ulcer were probably TMS, and the painful chest cramps which resulted in a trip to A&E in the middle of the night were probably TMS, and my knee pain which has stopped me running is probably TMS. At the time I didn't realise this so I didn't journal or release my emotions in anyway, so I think my TMS symptoms this time are not just due losing my very special aunt this summer, but also because of all my other stresses over the years. When I think about it there have been many more symptoms, and so maybe if I had journaled each time they appeared I wouldn't be in agony now. This leads me to question whether TMS ever really goes away?

 

I don't think it 'goes away'... I think that if we have the character traits to exhibit stress as tms - then once we 'cure' the main problem (whether back pain, fibro, cfs etc) we are still the same people... We need to keep and eye on our psychological well-being. Be aware of our 'triggers', check in with ourselves regularly to see how we are feeling and reacting to the everyday stresses that life brings.
We don't suddenly become non stressing people BUT we do learn how to identify our own stresses, how to deal with them and how to be more resiliant...
Most of all - we learn to be kinder to ourselves.... maybe that is a step we sometimes 'miss' or omit....?
It isn't curing a disease(or dis-ease) it is understanding ourselves moving through life in a more compassionate (to ourselves and others) way - we will always be more sensitive... but we can turn that to our advantage rather than our foe..!

 

This is what I struggle with, i.e. how being so sensitive can be to our advantage - are there any advantages other than being more compassionate to ourselves and others? (It's true that I haven't been very compassionate with myself in the past, but I believe that I've always been pretty compassionate with others.) I think I'd benefit psychologically if I could see other positive things in my being a super sensitive 'empath' (for want of a better word/description).

 

I think hecate105 is dead right about this when she says in answer to your question:

Checking-in with myself on a regular basis throughout the day has, for instance, shown me personally just how (unconsciously and habitually) tense I so often tend to be, so I think it would be likely to be important to continue to do this even after symptoms have disappeared in order to stop recurrence...Once a sensitive person almost certainly always basically a sensitive person, albeit we can learn how to deal better/well with the stresses that life throws at us.

 

Thank you so much for your comments hecate 105 and bloodmoon, i really appreciate that you took the time to comment on my post. I guess i already knew deep down that it doesn't really go away, it was just hopeful thinking on my part. I will definitely take on board what you have both said...I'll try to be kinder to myself. It keeps coming back to this for me, I know I need to be more compassionate and accepting of myself, without pressuring myself but I have resistance and I haven't worked out why this is....and I'll also try checking in with myself throughout the day and become more aware of my triggers. I used to have a mindfulness bell that would ring at random times of the day to remind me to stop and take a breath, I'll download this again. There are many things that I have done in the past that have helped, I do them for a while, feel better and then stop doing them....like a treadmill if i stop I go backwards.

I guess another thing is that I haven't had a scan on my back yet so there is a tiny niggle at the back on my mind that it may show up something....

Thanks again.

 

Ah ha - great minds think alike - I use a mindfulness bell to stop and take a deep breath or two! It's such a good way to stop oneself from getting caught up in things thoughts-wise too. I like the treadmill analogy!