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Day 1

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Mermaid, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi All

    I was around on the forum a lot just over a year ago and almost got to the point of writing my success story, I was so much better. Anyhow, I've had a major relapse, so I'm starting again from the begining. I have no doubt that I'll be fine. I came such a long way before, I know what works for me, I just need to re-focus.

    I think the main thing that caused the relapse was my mum being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and all the sadness and mixture of emotions it created. If I'm honest (as I must be to beat this again), the feeling causing the most rage is fear that it could happen to me and facing my own mortality.

    Also, because I felt so much better I planned quite a hectic summer for myself to make up for all the fun I'd missed, not realising that I still had some residual fear of getting sick again and ruining everything. I promptly self sabotaged and ruined two trips with migraine and panic attacks !

    I'm reading all my TMS book again (I have a huge collection). I know I'll be fine I'm an old hand at this, I'm going to root out the last stubborn remains of TMS once and for all.
    stephanie1 likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Mermaid. As we said about World War II: "We did it before (WW 1) and we will do it again!"
    Same with your relapse and going back to TMS basics. You will win over your symptoms, most likely brought on by your mother's Alzheimer's and you worrying you will get it when you are older, and also about your mortality.

    I'm 85 and never thought much about "the end game" until I turned 80! Now I think about it a lot, but went online and found some inspiration.
    I will look for the quotes about mortality and add them here. I mainly use the mantra: "The best is yet to come!"

    I'll post this because my computer has a way of freezing or sending my email before I finish writing it. One thing I look forward to in the next life is
    Mermaid likes this.
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Here are some words on mortality from a wide range of men and women throughout the years. I think they also can be applied to any symptom from TMS.

    “I thank my God for graciously granting me the opportunity of learning that death is the key which unlocks the door to our true happiness” – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791) Austrian composer.

    “For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.” – Johnny Carson (1925-2005) American television host, comedian.

    “The years seem to rush by now, and I think of death as a fast approaching end of a journey – double and treble the reason for loving as well as working while it is day.” – George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) (1819-1880) British novelist.

    “Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.” -- Woody Allen (1935- ), American movie writer, actor, director.

    “Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.” -- Earl Wilson (1907-1987) American author, journalist.

    “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” – Marcus Aurelius (121-169 BC) Roman emperor.

    “The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” -- Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist, actor.

    “It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all things than a hundred years never contemplating beginnings and endings.” – Gautama Buddha (563-483 BC) Indian founder of Buddhism.

    “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld (1954- ) American actor.

    “Death is the beginning, the birth of births, a rebirth, a second chance to fix all mistakes. Death is the beginning.” – Marc Lampe (dates unknown) author.

    “Death is but the next great adventure” – J.K. Rowling (1965- ) British author (Harry Potter).

    “Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American author.

    “I look upon death to be as necessary to our health as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American patriot, author, printer, inventor.

    “Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.” – Socrates (469-399 BC) Greek philosopher.

    “I have good hope that there is something after death.” – Plato (424-348 BC) Greek philosopher.

    “Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies or the cost of their funeral.” – Francois-Marie Voltaire (1694-1778) French philosopher, writer.

    “If you brood about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience.” – Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902) Indian philosopher, yoga teacher.

    “Once you accept your own death, all of a sudden you’re free to live.” – Saul Alinsky (1909-1972) American writer, community advocate organizer.

    “Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955) German theoretical physicist.

    “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

    “She did but dream of heaven and she was there.” – John Dryden (1631-1700) British poet.

    “Remember that you have only one soul; that you have only one death to die; that you have only one life… If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing.” – St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) Spanish Carmelite nun.

    “Death, the last voyage, the longest, and the best.” – Thomas Wolfe (1900-1938) American author.

    “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” -- The Holy Bible.

    “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” -- The Holy Bible, Romans 6:23.

    “Wither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God; where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.” – The Holy Bible.

    “In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” – Hannah Arendt (1906-1975) German-American philosopher.

    “We sometimes congratulate ourselves at the moment of waking from a troubled dream; it may be so the moment after death.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) American novelist.

    “Most women do not grieve so much for the death of their lovers for love’s-sake, as to show they were worthy of being loved.” – Francois La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author.

    “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian philosopher, nonviolence protest advocate.

    “There is no death, only transition. Knowing that we are spirit incarnated on Earth to discover our true self throughout physical form, and knowing that Spirit does not die, then we can understand that death is nothing to fear because it is then really only a transition and a ‘return to home.’” – Deepak Chopra (1946- ) Indian-American physician, holistic health advocate.

    “Death – the last sleep? No, it is the final awakening.” – Sir Walter Scott (1771-1982) Scottish novelist.

    “Death is nothing else but going home to God, the bond of love will be unbroken for all eternity.” – Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian Roman Catholic nun, savant of the poor and destitute.

    “I believe there are two sides to the phenomenon known as death, this side where we live, and the other side when we shall continue to live. Eternity does not start with death. We are in eternity now.” – Rev. Norman Vincent Peale (1898-1993) American minister and self-help author.

    “Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions, and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, ‘Did you bring joy?’ The second was, ‘Did you find joy?’” – Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998) American author, educator.

    “As a well spent day brings sleep, so life well used brings happy death.” – Leonardo DaVinci (1452-1519) Italian painter, sculptor, architect, inventor.

    “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx (1890-1977) American comedian, actor.

    “You live on Earth only for a few short years which you call an incarnation, and then you leave your body as an outworn dress and go for refreshment to your true home in the spirit.” – White Eagle (1840-1914) Native American Ponca Indian chief.

    “So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.” – Tecumseh (1768-1813) Native American Shawnee Indian chief.

    “I intend to live forever – or die trying.” -- Groucho Marx.

    “Be calm. God waits you at the door.” – Gabriel Garcia Marquez (1927-) Colombian novelist.

    “Nothing can happen more beautiful than death.” – Walt Whitman (1819- ) Author, poet.

    “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne (1907-1979) American actor.

    My favorite and most comforting thoughts on accepting my own mortality come from Irish writer C.S. Lewis (1898-1963) who said,

    Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.

    That’s what I call wisdom, and acceptance. More of Lewis in my chapter on faith.

    My own conclusion and advice to myself: If you believe in God, you should not fear death; you should welcome it.

    I’m trying to take my own advice, and that of Buddha, whose philosophy on death could be the best one on life -- living our lives emotionally, spiritually, and physically without pain:

    “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

    I’ve also wondered, even worried, about whether I’ll see my beloved doggies in heaven. Martin Luther (1483-1546) assured us that our canine and feline and other pet friends will join us there when he wrote: “Be thou comforted, little dog, Thou too in Resurrection shall have a little golden tail.”

    Billy Graham gives us some comforting thoughts on our mortality: “I’ve read the last page of The Bible. It’s going to turn out all right.”
    readytoheal, Moppy and Mermaid like this.
  4. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Walt

    I was hoping to hear from you, you were such a huge help the first time around. It's great to know I've got you in my corner again. Many thanks for your wise words and the quotations you posted. I know it's futile to worry about such things, but we all do it. On a more optimistic note my dad's 86, and he's in great shape, and still has an aunt who's 98, so I' m hoping I've got his genes, who know !

    God bless :joyful:
  5. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Mermaid,

    Welcome back, with all your sense of wisdom, and understanding about your life. I think your fear itself, not just the rage about death, but the fear of it, jumped out at me from your post.
    As you say, you're investigating so that you can solve the pain and panic symptoms, and also so that you can learn more. If we know more, and we can bring this wisdom into our relationships, we offer the world a little more beauty before we go... a little more understanding for ourselves and those around us.

    Andy B.
    Mermaid likes this.
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Walt,
    Love your collection of death quotes.

    Here is a "death poem" which is a tradition in Zen practice.

    Empty handed I entered the world. Barefoot I leave it.
    My coming, my going-
    Two simple happenings
    That got entangled.

    – Kozan
  7. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    It is so nice to have you back on the Forum, but I am sorry to hear about your relapse. But I know you will soon recover again. Relapse is part of the picture for most of us. But you've got this....Just take your time and be kind to yourself along the way.
    Mermaid likes this.
  8. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Ellen

    Even though I know exactly what's going on I seem to feel more hopeless this time, like the fight's gone out of me. I woke up so sore this morning, all my old FM symptoms are back, my ears are ringing and I feel so depressed. I've struggled into work when all I feel like doing is staying under the covers crying. Experience has taught me that "wallowing" makes me worse.

    I turned 50 in the summer and I think my crazy hormones aren't helping either, my emotions are all over the place. I have a lovely husband, a great job and want for nothing, but I still feel lost and joyless. I feel like I've worked hard all my life and worn my nervous system out doing it, so now I can't enjoy what I've acheived because I'm too sick. I get angry at myself for being so "stupid" which fans the flames and makes me worse.

    I like to spend as much time as I can outdoors, but the weather's been awful here, it's rained almost none stop for two months; I can't remember the last time I saw the sun. I know this has had negative effect on me too.

    I got better last time by brainwashing myself about TMS, meditation, breathing properly, reprogressive relaxation, EFT, positive affirmations and exercise. Is there anything else you think I could add.

    I guess I'll just have to be patient and hope that I can come out of this again.
  9. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    You can come out of this again. For me, TMS recovery is a way of life, and it is easy for me to fall into old ways of thinking and being, and then the pain is there to remind me that I need to make some changes. You have all the techniques covered. I know one thing that I have to pay attention to often is the issue of personality traits. I read a lot of perfectionism in your post, and the belief that things should be different than they are. Those are two stumbling blocks for me, too. I keep the quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn in my signature line, because I do think it's the most important concept for healing. Acceptance is key. Resistance creates tension and pain. When I have a relapse, as soon as I stop fighting it and accept that this is where I'm at today, it begins to lessen and then leaves. Accept that you feel sad, want to stay in bed, that it's been raining forever. This is the way life feels right now. It will feel different at different times in the future. Life is change.

    Wishing you peace of mind, and the body will follow......
  10. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    I cried when I read your post, every word of it was exactly what I needed to hear, I felt the relief physically. It's weird how my brain can still take me down the wrong path when I've already come so far and learned so much.

    Heartfelt thanks for getting me back on track again. God bless you.
    Moppy and Ellen like this.
  11. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Mermaid. Ellen's reply to you is so wonderful. My mantra lately is: The best is yet to come!

    My mother lived to be 92 and was not sick, she just fell a few times and broke one hip. then the other.
    I asked her nurse at her retirement home why she fell and the nurse said, "She kept looking around to see who might be admiring her."
    Yes, Mom was always fussing about her hair and clothes. But that made her Mom to us.
    Mermaid and Moppy like this.
  12. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Walt

    You always cheer me up. Your Mom sounds like she was a great lady.
  13. Lavender

    Lavender Well known member

    Like the others who have responded, I am sorry to read of your relapse and of your mother's condition. I remember when you were on the forum and offered such kind words of caring.
    Mermaid likes this.
  14. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Lavender,

    How are you doing, I hope you're improving. Don't let my relapse discourage you if your still having problems, I'm already coming out of it.
  15. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Mermaid. Glad to hear you are bouncing back from your relapse. TMS can be a stinker, but it doesn't last forever. It may just seem that way!
    And Lavender, it's such a pretty flower and has such a nice aroma. I have a lavender spray and put a little on my pillow before bedtime.

    I'm making an early New Year's resolution: When I would like to scream, instead LAUGH!

    And I like what Bates said to Anna last night in Season 5, episode 7 of "Downton Abbey":
    "Where I see problems, you only see possibilities."

    Merry Ho! Ho!
    Mermaid likes this.
  16. Lavender

    Lavender Well known member

    Walt, with all the secrets of the Downton household, it’s a wonder that the characters don’t all have TMS!
  17. Lavender

    Lavender Well known member

    Hi Mermaid,

    So nice to know that you are coming out of that relapse and most of all that you immediately recognized the event that prompted the set back. Sorry to report that I have not improved. 5 years now. Have applied all. I show up on the forum looking for success stories so as not to lose hope. Each time there would be a significant date on the calendar, such as Christmas or perhaps a change in seasons, my hopes would rise and I could convince myself that things would change. Lately, however, these landmark dates only underline how much of life I have missed. ( Self-pity, I know…. I’m trying!) It’s not only the 24/7 pain all over, but the fact that walking exacerbates it. As you mentioned about your life circumstances, I too led a very vibrant life before all this happened, loved skiing, kayaking, brisk walks, and now I am pretty much housebound.
  18. Mermaid

    Mermaid Well known member

    Hi Lavender,
    So sorry to hear you're still having problems. Please don't give up hope, the progress I've made has been very slow. It wasn't "things" that had to change it was "me". It's very difficult to do and so easy to fall back into old habits. I didn't expect to change the habits of a lifetime overnight. Once you truly KNOW you have TMS you stop worrying about it so much, which takes a huge amount of stress off you, and gives your nervous system a chance to cool down. I've probably suggested this before, but give Claire Weekes work a try, it was a huge help to me.

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