Befriending your nervous system to heal

Hi, everyone-

I’m currently working through The Pain Reprocessing Therapy Workbook, by Vanessa Blackstone and Olivia Sinaiko. It’s based on Alan Gordon’s healing methods.

What’s cool about it, is it teaches you to befriend your nervous system. You learn how your nervous system is trying to protect you, and instead of fighting it, you work with it to understand when and how it started to be over-protective and why. You treat it kindly. Like a friend. Then you slowly teach it that “you’ve got this.” You’re safe.

The workbook is simple and short. I like it. If you’ve had any experience with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, you’ll relate to it. (I have.) The book uses those methods to find your over-protective “parts.” But, you don’t necessarily need any IFS experience to do the workbook. It’s self-explanatory.

I’m feeling hopeful with this. I can work with this. It makes sense. I’ll let you know how it goes.

 

P

Please do Diana, and given how important similar work (I only now know about IFS after I have healed but it makes so much sense and I feel is so compatible with TMS work) was to my own full recovery, I am excited for you

 

Thanks, @Adam Coloretti (coach)!

How did it work for you? Is it too complicated to share here?

This workbook is putting the missing pieces on IFS together for me. I had the Parts figured out, but not how they were expressing their fears and sadness through my body. The past couple days, just paying attention to them, I’ve gotten some relief in my symptoms. It’s been great! And it really affirms to me this is going to help me. There’s a lot to explore, but I’m going to take my time and really focus on each Part one by one.

 

Hi Diana, no that is fine no problem The main thing for me was allowing myself to feel the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that I had deemed too shameful. Anger was my big one, I never allowed myself to feel angry in the past. I had (through past experience) decided that anger was a character flaw, something that meant I hadn't dealt with a situation maturely enough. The truth, however, was that was an excuse not to feel anger as I didn't deem it safe (which was rooted in childhood experience). It's all about removing the shame and feeling that it is ok to feel everything.

I am so glad you have gotten some relief! I definitely think you are on the money here and digging for gold so to speak as it relates to your recovery. IFS is all about acceptance of all and self-compassion too. Happy to help further if I can too

 

Hi everyone and @monica-tms (you asked about this):

Since working in the book, I have been getting more frequent moments of no pain and less symptoms. (But also some really strong moments of pain.) The pendulum seems to be swinging wider. I take this as a sign of movement, and a good sign of progress.

I’ve been able to embrace that my nervous system is my friend, trying to help me. This is creating a bigger sense of peace and harmony in my being overall. And I’m asking the parts of me (my inner children) what is wrong when I’m in pain. And I’m waiting for answers and hearing them. But it takes a little while—maybe a day or so, until they will answer. Their answers come clearly to my mind. They are stuck in the past on survival strategies. And, according to this Workbook and IFS therapy, they are the ones causing pain.

By way of example, the strongest (loudest) of them is a part that is always yearning and craving people. She contemplates who she can or should contact. Who she should seek out. She does this Constantly. I must have done this as a child. I must have focused on who I could bring into my chaotic world to help me. Almost All of the people she wants have proven to be unsafe or unkind to me. But she just obsesses on it. The rest of me and the other parts don’t want her to do this. (Conflict = TMS).

I’ve been in an all-out campaign to comfort her and reassure her that even on a deserted island, we will be ok. Better to be alone than to be abused. Better to make new and better friends. Better to find alternatives to hurtful family or friends. My inner Self (the mature wise adult in me) can be patient with her and provide her with this comfort. And I’m also applying my faith, to show her that a Higher Power is reliable and has “got this” too, with me. When I get all this across to her, the pain subsides. I’m still working on it.

Whatever the parts are hurting over— or missing— I try to provide it to them. I’ll say “I’m here for you,” etc.

The other thing I really like is you pretend you are a spaceman and you are “exploring” your body objectively. You go into the galaxy of your body and just take notes, scientifically. Describe the sensations elaborately with curiosity. Each time you do this, explore it fresh again. No presumptions. This is somatic tracking and it strengthens new neural pathways.

You also write a script for how to talk to yourself to help you jump from a fear track to a new track.

There are more techniques. The book is filled with them. I haven’t tried them all yet.

(This book came to me via @BloodMoon who highly endorsed it and persuaded me to get it. So I’d like to thank her for that!)

I’ll add more findings shortly.

 

Fabulous that you're finding it so good!

 

I definitely agree that the gaps getting wider in terms of good and bad is a good thing Diana

Absolutely your nervous system is trying to help you/protect you. I have a few thoughts in case they helped and wanted to see if they landed (by no means a criticism):

1. I completely understand the importance of community and friendship; that being said you (the mature wise adult) are the best person (as you have alluded to) to comfort your inner child. Your inner child is creative and spontaneous, yet wonderful and a gift from above. Like you said her obsession with others I think is because she thought she had to in order to be safe (and she likely did). Now, however, she has you, and no better person too as you know her better than anyone else (you are her).

2. I get what you mean about asking what is wrong when in pain, and that's likely a good insight. I wanted to present a counter to say that I absolutely think it can be seen as an expression of the inner child, but often (myself included) there is a lot of shame around our expression when we were younger. So at times it may be just that the pain is the inner child expressing themselves, and the only thing they need is to be heard (trying to fix may imply to them there is something wrong with them and their emotions).

3. I think it is great that you are connecting to your faith. You are still the miracle that you were when you were born, a perfect image of that Higher Power.

I think you're doing great though and the above is just food for thought (it may not add anything and you may already be doing/agree with it)

 

Hi, Adam,
Thanks for this reminder! (I appreciate all of your comments, btw.) I am from an alcoholic family, so unfortunately fixing is my natural response to everything. (I’m trying to work on that.) You are so right, my inner children just want to be heard —and probably for the first time. This is an easier gift to give them. Just listen and witness the feelings they have. I’m touched by what you said that my inner Self is the best person for them.

 

No worries Diana and that makes complete sense! You are doing very brave work (that most people never do out of fear) and you should be proud of yourself

 

Started the book this weekend. I worked through Chapter 1 so far, didn't do anything TMS-related yesterday. My symptoms have gotten a lot worse so I'm hoping for some clarity working through this!

 

Today’s message from Dani Fagan is right on this topic of befriending the nervous system.

“You need to rest, even when it feels wildly uncomfortable to do so”. She states it’s about trust. Trusting your nervous system knows what to do… but it needs a chance to do it…

 

Sorry your symptoms got worse! That always happens to me when I find something that’s going to help me.

 

Exactly that's likely as good an evidence of TMS as there is (even though it is painful and it sucks). You are likely starting something that goes to the root, so the mind is struggling and pushing you away from it with increased symptoms to protect you (that is one theory). It is uncomfortable to address your feelings and emotions in this manner, so it makes complete sense to me why that would cause a flare (but the answer and cure is in the fire so to speak so keep going towards it! ).

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with the book, Diana. Those are really interesting and important insights. I especially liked the part about pretending to be a spaceman - I think that approach can make somatic tracking feel a lot easier, especially if one finds it difficult to view the symptoms objectively.