Hello, My name's Andie, I'm 23, I'm a fifth (and final) year college student and part time reporter. I've dealt with pain since about age 16. December is when I learned it is TMS, and I cried and cried as I learned that I am not crazy and it is not in my head. My appointment with Dr. Howard Schubiner (Unlearn Your Pain author -- I'm from Michigan) was eye-opening and I broke down a few times throughout the 2.5 hours with him just because everything he said made perfect sense. I could finally stop searching after years and years of medications, pain injections, physical therapy and surgery, all of which brought on anxiety and depression that I am still fighting. He put all the pieces of the puzzle together for me. TMS for me started with headaches and migraines. Then soon after I developed severe pelvic pain (and broke my right pubic ramus because of it). Then started the pain injections, bone scans, meds etc. etc... I carried a donut cushion around my senior year of high school and was excused to stand up and walk around whenever I wanted or lay with a heating pad in a special room because sitting was so excruciating. I went to physical therapy and had internal therapy to loosen the muscles, which helped but wasn't a cure. Somewhere in there I also developed chronic constipation and motion sickness. Pain was manageable after PT. The pain came back full force my junior year of college and I actually took the semester off and sunk into a deep depression. I had a laparoscopy surgery that fall and nothing was found. I had MRIs, took meds, etc. etc. (I'm sure you guys know the drill with all of this). Then anxiety kicked into high gear. One day when my dad was in the hospital I began sobbing because my hands started hurting terribly. I know everyone thought I was crazy but I knew it was real. Pain then spread to my arms and legs and I'm still fighting it. The journey is not over, though, now that I know what the cause of all these problems is. That's why I am so so glad to see that there is support out there. I've read tons of success stories in Unlearn Your Pain and read to the part right before Day 1 of 28 starts to reprogram the brain... I want to do it so bad but something is scaring me and I'm not sure what. The idea of bringing to the surface all of the life events/personality traits that have caused and continue to cause my pain is so hard for me. Almost 8 years ago my grandfather committed suicide, and that is when my issues started. I know that now because of Dr. Schubiner. That is the main issue, and they branch out from there. He said a lot of it for me is my desire to be perfect, worrying all the time, caring what others think of me, etc., and I know I'm not the only one. I always have pain, it just fluctuates based on life events. But I need to go through with this. I WANT to. I just need more courage, I think. Now from family I am dealing with the fact that I have relief "but choose not to go through with it." It's not that I don't want to — I do with my whole heart. But it's so much more complicated than that. I'm just wondering if this makes sense to anyone out there and if they could give me advice for going through with the book, which is a lot of journaling and "talking" to people who have caused me these issues. I want to get better. This pain/motion sickness/anxiety has basically robbed me of 8 years of life and I am done with it. I have had suicidal thoughts on a few occasions and am currently battling depression, but I know I am stronger than that. The fact that this forum exists makes me so happy. I have a lot of support in life, but to communicate with people who actually know what I'm going through and/or are going through the same thing will be helpful.