You dont even know.

I need to know when I’m putting pressure on my-self, when I’m being self critical and when I fear past, present or future thoughts.

We haven’t been taught to notice the abusive ways we treat ourselves as we grow up. If we’re neglecting what we really want in life most of the time. We will have to settle for a backache because we were not taking notice that we were being deprived of this inner need either. We were not taught in school to recognize or identify destructive behavior. Our parents don’t know how to say your being abusive to your-self, because they have the same traits, unaware to them.

Our friends can’t say when we are neglecting our peace or patience, our time management or relationships or even bills because they have never been told or taught either and so we are all unaware of this hidden battle of shame, guilt and self punishment hidden in the shadows with no acknowledgement or light to shine on the truth except the pain. Now days if a friend says he feels bad we feel bad too. The conflict of Id and ego unaware to us doing what they know best to do. Keep sending messages of pain till we finally do understand. That’s why we learn to recognize and distinguish the flames of destructive behavior.

Learn to recognize all of these behaviors through awareness. You will feel a sharp pain in your side then you will automatically think though conditioning “ah-this is because my sister and mom argued with me this morning”. Then as if by magic, the pain resides, or someone gives you an evil eye in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. Instead of getting mad at yourself you will instantly notice what just happened and after plenty of practice in awareness thinking, you will decide it is not worth the turmoil and pain to be mad at this person you don’t even know.