I moved my parents to my city 4 years ago because my Dad was having kidney failure. Well, I physically and mentally fell apart trying to be the perfect daughter, perfect caretaker, so responsible, so conscious, so hard working, so driven then my physical therapists suggested I read Dr. Sarno's book. Then my world opened up and I finally had a better understanding of myself then I ever thought possible. I have gone through the TMSwiki program. 95% of my pain is gone for the 1st time in my life and the depression is gone most of the time. I journal regularly trying to stay on top of all those thoughts spinning in my head. My ongoing challenge is my parents, 88 & 87. Over the last several years I have backed out of almost all their health issues and they are trying to manage them by themselves. I know this is not going to last long and in the last few weeks several situations have come up that, yes, send me into the pain orbit. My Dad mentioned to my Mother "just doing away with it all." My Dad says if Stella were handle this none of this would have happened. Of course he knows my Mother tells me this. It took me 2 days to be able to sleep and get my pain back to a manageable level. The another situation comes up with my Mother being so depressed. Again my body is throbbing with pain all over. I have journaled and journaled and beat my plastic bat seeing each parent's head as the target trying to discharge all my anger. I am so fearful of the future. I keep hoping a car will hit them and they will both be gone. I know this is perfectly normal so I am not feeling guilty about my thoughts. I am so angry at them both. I hate having this constant burden hanging all over me. Longevity is in my family so they both could live for a very long long time. They are both in my thoughts constantly. Get out of my head. I use all the tools in my toolbox; meditation, journaling, walking 2X each day, beating my bat but the last few weeks have been very challenging because of all my TMS personality traits plus guilt, fear, worry. Thanks for reading. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.