Update and Welcome February!

Hello all,

I figured it had been some time since I last updated. Apart from having stress with job and doing a bunch of repairing, remodeling, and de-cluttering, I have felt pretty good. This is huge, since every winter before that, my ribs and shoulders, and neck, etc...would hurt so bad, but not this year! Today is my 6-month work anniversary, and we just merged with two other parent companies, so it’s been a little stressful, but I am loving every minute of it.

Interestingly enough, I did have TMS resurface for a bit under the guise of allergies - weirdly enough. It felt just like spring and fall allergies but it’s January! Anyway, had the sneezing, watery eyes, stuffed up, runny nose, post-nasal drip, the works. I didn’t have a cold though, because of the itching. Couldn’t figure it out, until I saw my therapist, which btw, I am now only going to once a month! Anyway, I remember telling her prior to that this year was going to be my last and that I wanted to focus on a major phobia of mine - seeing dead people. After a dramatic experience of being forced to kiss my dead grandmother when I was 7, I refused to go to funerals and would never look at a dead body again. This has caused me great anxiety, but I now realize I have to overcome it, because my own parents are getting old and will pass, and if my husband dies before me, I have to be able to see him in a casket.

So, I told my therapist this and she said we would work on it, but that it would take time and maybe even doing things that are uncomfortable, such as seeing dead people. This scared me, and shortly after, the allergies began. It’s almost as if my brain is leaking panic through my nasal passages, because other than that, I am fine. I wanted to see what my Feelings Buried Alive Never Die book said about that. I learned that along with TMS symptoms, your brain will find a way to express that which can’t be expressed through your weaknesses. Mine happen to be allergies. Apparently, when you don’t want to face something that causes great panic and anxiety, your body will find a way to express it, because it knows it can’t hold it in any longer. Sounds weird, I know, but this was enlightening to me.

Basically, my acknowledgement of this need to overcome my phobia stirred up TMS, and since it had already given me past symptoms, it tricked me this time. Allergies have been with me since childhood, so of course, I just assumed I had an allergic reaction from my husband sawing through our wall to prep for a door being put in, with the dust. Even though he took precautions to ensure it didn’t filter through the vents, I thought I was just overly sensitive. Little did I know, it was TMS.

So, to sum up this long post. TMS can appear in weird ways. But, now that I know that’s what it is, I just go about my day and work through this prepping of this intense therapy I’m about to face. I know I can do this and it will be OK.

With all of my TMS symptoms, allergies is nothing and will soon depart as well. Amazing that I can type on the computer daily without pain and have been getting fit for the upcoming spring and summer for when we redo our backyard deck both up and down, which will be a HUGE project, and accomplishing my goal of hiking.

I hope you’re all doing well. I appreciate those who have PM’d me and hope I have been able to help. You ALL got this! It’s a journey and it’s hard, but it sure is damn worth it!