Day 29 Unsent letter to myself

Today we are supposed to write an unsent letter to someone who wronged us, expressing our emotions and releasing the emotions. However, as I was journalling, I started writing a letter to myself. I expressed deep regret that I put so much pressure on myself. I apologised for not being there for myself, for letting others treat me badly, for making myself a door mat, for putting so much pressure. I told myself that I'm deeply sorry and that it will change now. I've got you now. I will look after you and that myself can rest and recover and heal.

I found this exercise very therapeutic. More so than writing another rant to someone who wouldn't care about how I felt. I'm planning to write letters from everyone who wronged me, deeply apologising and regretting their behaviour.

The way I see it, if my subconscious can't differentiate between real and perceived threat, may be it will not differentiate between real and perceived apology and heal itself? Any thoughts?

 

That is a very interesting question Rainbowdash! After all, when we say affirmations out loud, we really are trying to change the focus of our unconscious brains with a statement that, at the same time, we are trying to believe with our conscious brains, right?

But is this the same thing? When I think about your planned letters, I think about the many times I've obsessed over some incident that riled me up, or even something I hear on the news, which, as we all do, I play over and over in my mind, with me presenting cogent and witty arguments and the other person ceding victory to me.... in other words, it's a totally unrealistic scenario, and I know that for me, it's not helpful.

In the end, the only way to stop this rather pointless exercise is to either confront the individual (in person, or with an unsent letter - and I could write a letter to the editor but I rarely do) OR, which is what I usually do, I simply change MY mind and MY reaction to the situation, and move on.

Doing this work is all about changing your thoughts, your inner messages, and your perception of your place in the world and relationship to the other people in it. In my opinion, constructing a dream scenario that will never happen is not likely to be a useful technique.

But I can't wait to hear what others might think.

~Jan

 

Hi Rainbow, I did something similar. I was listening to Louis Hay tell me to say to myself hundreds of times a day "I love you and I approve of you". I did do this for several days and found I gained more self-acceptance through it. Then I found myself imagining all kinds of scenarios -meetings, family gatherings, even strangers in the grocery store- saying "We love you and we approve of you". Since feelings of inadequacy are a big thing for me, I found this immensely helpful. It helps me realize that most people I come across are not judging me and that most people are pretty accepting in general. While I can see Jan's point and do think it's very important to change our thoughts and inner messages, I see your letter idea as one way to do that-to leave yourself with different feelings about past events than you have now.