Typical TMS but I can't get out of this slump

I just moved across the country to start my masters. Needless to say, a major life event, esp in the face of covid. My lower left back started hurting 2 weeks ago when I got on the road. It subsided some during the roadtrip but now that I'm here and starting my work, it's been increasing in severity every day, to the point where it's becoming hard to hide from my brand new advisor/lab mates.

I have no doubt in my mind that it's TMS but I can't seem to shake it. Looking for tips/words of encouragement. Sometimes just starting this conversation with people who understand can help. I'm talking to my brain, saying I know what it's doing, I'm not focusing on, I'm doing my normal activities as much as possible... what else??

 

My Dad left his career as an engineer in California, to go get his Masters on the East coast. My mom said they had to stop about halfway and check him into a hospital because his ULCERS (that they never really found or treated) got so bad he couldn't sit up.

That story was really helpful when I started recovering myself from back pain (same thing). I never knew my dad, but I have a feeling we're a lot alike.

The pain wants your attention AND it's telling you a story.... the resistance/pain comes from fighting the story "Hey sparrow... you really need to stop what your doing and go back to the safety of your previous life... this is scary and we don't know the outcome, so lets curl up in a ball and cry and go get a job at Foot Locker"

"Hey sparrow... the world is a scary place and your not that smart anyways... remember all of those other things we failed at? Well this is gonna be just like them so why don't we just close up the shop and move back in with our parents"

"Hey sparrow... lets go home!"

These are never gonna be conscious... these evil destructive messages are inside all of us and I know them because I have been partying with them for 21 years now. I actually chit chat with them in public. I assume people think I am crazy but I am also pain free
It took a lot of quiet and scribbling to find them, but once I did I always use Reductio ad absurdum. That voice needs to be heard to be destroyed....like most whiny brats, LET it have the attention it wants, and it will become ashamed and slink away.

The voice- "Hey Marc... you really don't know what the fuck your doing on this job and you can't possibly support yourself let alone a family so why don't we go score some dope and go home? We can try again tomorrow"

Me- "You know what, you are right! I am a total d-bag and have no reason to believe that I would ever be successful at anything...so, I am gonna stay here and fuck this up spectacularly so when I am telling my sob story to the other homeless Bums in my homeless encampment , I have a real doozy of a story"

Believe it or not I got this idea from Emmet Fox and he wrote it in the thirties. I began using it when I had enough TMS knowledge to look at a situation I am in and guess what the Rage/fear/shame inducing part of it is. It is particularly tenacious and whiny when I am trying to better myself... when I am trying to move forward in life, Music, Baseball...anything that scares the 5 year old out of his comfort zone.

It might sound absurd, but this Reductio ad absurdum works spectacularly... and after you learn about your own story better you can go into great detail... You WILL start automatically knowing the instant a symptom begins to distract you.

...and (forgive me for this DR. Sarno) I am a huge disciple of 'the symptom has an indicator of the life situation'... anytime I have a low back issue, it is usually about 'supporting myself'. Learned that from browsing Louise Hay's encyclopedia of mindbody crossovers. I have had so much anecdotal success even though I can't prove it 'scientifically'. Low back/hip/sciatica was the symptom that brought me here and it was in one of those 'moving up in life and taking more responsibility' times. Like the one your in.

just a thought.

peace

 

These are SO accurate, SO good!

I also believe this. Looking back on my previous "random" bouts of debilitating back pain, I see that they were totally associated with major life events. (Actually, one was during the very first time I moved across the country to the side which I have now just left!)

Everything you've said here is just so great and useful. Going to refer back to this and the resources you gave as I continue to work through this. Already since posting this the pain has lessened, seems like that will often happen after I make a post, or divulge it all to someone, as if it can't take that level of exposure...