Thrive to Thrive

Hai guys!

Something that came up last week that I wanted to share was my realization that ever since I came back around to TMS in relation to my acne, I've become pretty obsessed with doing X for the *sake* of healing.

More specifically, I could feel pretty strongly that part of my healing will involve being around people more / not being so nervous to show my true self to others (a self separate from the "pretty fit chick" I was previously only comfortable showing). As I previously mentioned, the month I really dove into e.d. recovery (absolutely terrifying for me) is the month my acne started. To speak symbolically, I believe my acne surfaced in part to hide / protect me - quite literally - because I was finally surrendering the mask I had been hiding behind all those years and attempting to really step into an authentic version of myself.

Ok so upon making several realizations and connections like this, I started viewing everything I did through the lens of healing- almost trying to manipulate the way I lived in order to facilitate the most potential for fast-paced healing as possible. I get that a big part of the healing process IS doing the things we have been scared to do due to symptoms (so for me, simply being around people more despite the status of my skin), but I realized I was starting to live in an overly-obsessed way; almost trying to FORCE healing to occur and then becoming hopelessly frustrated with the slowness of it all.

When talking about this all with my husband he suggested I take some pressure off; to stop trying to MAKE healing happen and simply go out and live my best life (still despite the status of my skin) because doing so will simply give me the best life- regardless of whether it speeds up healing or not. In other words, "thrive to thrive," not JUST "thrive to heal."

Can anyone else relate to this?? I think I've felt frustrated / like I have to be more forceful or something because my back / hip / knee pain practically healed overnight after learning about TMS, but my acne has not. Def feeling like I need to stop focusing on making healing happen and instead focusing on being my best self, living my best life, and trust in the process of healing to consequently unfold in its own time.

 

I'm afraid that's the control freak in us with TMS. We want to "help" and take charge of it instead of letting go, which is required to heal. Learn to trust your body to heal. Read about the body's ability to heal. Trying to control says fear to the body and it will hold on even more to guard you. Read about fight, flight, freeze response on Google and you will understand more about this. Then just let go and tell your body or subconscious it's okay to let go. Then go about your business and forget about the body. It's a habit and habits can be changed.

 

Yeaasss thank you Bingo!! Ugh man that control freak can be so sneaky and strong.. But I completely agree with everything you said, and appreciate your suggestion to look further into fight/flight/freeze response. Def feeling like the biggest thing moving forward will be letting go, telling my subconscious it is OKAY to do so like you said, and then going about my business.

I think a big part of the reason why I have found this so much trickier this time around is because I can also SEE my symptom, whereas before I could only feel it. Every day I look in the mirror, put on makeup, wash/touch my face and the bumps, which has made it more difficult for me to ignore in comparison to my back pain.. Maybe some other people who have experienced symptoms of a cosmetic nature could weigh in on this- how they helped themselves ignore the symptoms they could see every time they looked in the mirror?? I would be very appreciative of that as well, thank you!!

 

I have nothing to base this on, but could it be the mental toxins are coming out of your body and manifesting on your face? I know when you do a detox for awhile your skin will be worse because all the toxins are being pushed out. The skin is the organ for that. Might work to think of it that way and just say you are being cleansed from all mental toxic thoughts. Use it instead of being afraid of it. Just a thought.

 

I really love both of your posts on this thread. They are insightful and wonderfully honest and I commend your spirit and commitment to healing. Pretty much everybody is stupidly intense at first for the reasons @Bingo2500 points out. It's part of the learning curve whereby we experientially learn to treat ourselves with kindness, gentleness and compassion.

As for your more cosmetic based question, my TMS affects the trigeminal nerve in my face and has manifested in some quite alarming ways over the years. At one point I became phobic about looking in a mirror, most especially the small hand mirrors we pop in our handbags. I used the wisdom of Claire Weekes to overcome all of that. Are you familiar with her?

The other thing that really helped is something Louise Hay recommended as a core part of her recovery. Each time you look into a mirror, look deeply into your own eyes and say I love you.

It sounds cheesy and stupid but it is very powerful, very challenging and profoundly healing because it strikes at the heart of our low self-esteem.

Plum x

 

Just know that you are more than your looks or your body and you are loved more than you know no matter what you look like. Look with love, forgiveness, and acceptance. Forgiveness is what finally healed me. Once you forgive love is left.

 

Bless you x

 

Your husband is very wise. this is pretty much what it take to heal.

 

YOU GUYS. Thank you sooo much for all the feedback I am V V appreciative!!!

Bingo- WOW. To think of my acne as cleansing toxic mental thoughts is REALLY cool. Really resonated me with you said it considering that is exactly what I have been trying to do on many different levels in my life since its onset. My mom told me a while ago that she didn't know why but had this feeling that my acne was actually a sign of my body healing- which makes perfect sense when connecting it to what you said. I have been having a difficult time with trying to envision my skin as clear (I have read five million times visualization is key for healing so needless to say, the fact that I have been struggling to do so has created some anxiety lol real helpful right)- but visualizing mental toxins leaving my body through my skin is something I feel I could get on board with- so thank you for that! And thank you for the macdaddy of reminders I need- that I am more than my looks and my body and loved more than I know despite the physical. I have been working through forgiveness of various persons this past year, including myself. On my worst days I can feel I am angry at myself for "giving myself" acne. I need to keep coming back to forgiveness..

plum- Thank you for the encouragement! I laughed at what you wrote about people being "stupidly intense" at first because that has absolutely been me.....for the entire last year and I'm finally reaching burn-out with that, which I think may be exactly where I need to be.. A new "level of surrender" as it were vs. trying to control the healing process. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for reminding me about Claire! Too funny because I was listening to her around this time last year when I was wrestling with agoraphobia over the whole thing and found everything about her- from what she said all the way down to her soothing voice- to be extremely helpful. Honestly you mentioning her is affirmation to me to look her up again and start utilizing her ASAP because she popped back into my mind just days before you wrote that! Crazy. I did what you (Louise Haye) suggested when looking in a mirror for the first time today. It did feel slightly awkward and also sad- honestly sadness is the feeling that comes up for me the most when I look at my reflection- because I "used to be so pretty and now I am not"...Clearly this symptom speaks to my necessity to continually learn to love myself on a deeper level. I will continue doing that as I can feel the power in doing so; thank you for the suggestion Also I adore the D.H. Lawrence quote you have under your profile name!

Balto- Thank you for the affirmation! Funny how hard "not trying" can feel.. so what about when it comes to feelings? Of course we cannot control our feelings- we can't make them not happen- but I guess they can also lessen with time as we refuse to appease them over and over; thereby breaking that fear cycle? What did "not trying" look like for you?

Thank you again guys. I really value this community. Also, I feel like I have to say- my profile picture is one of me without acne in case anyone was wondering lol. Thinking I should maybe switch that- you know, help to break that fear

 

Hi HollDoll,
I am encouraged by your positivity. I am also a female struggling with adult acne. Just wondering what ended up happening with your skin? Any tips you could give me on seeing it as tms? I’m struggling. I’ve had it for almost 15 years now.

 

Hello, I am looking for information about tms and acne, I am already free of the symptoms of tms in my body and lower back, but I have not been able to get rid of acne, and what question to ask if you were finally able to get rid of acne?