Thirty years of severe back pain gone, using mock violence

The back pain I endured for three decades seemed to be a natural result of my profession as a geologist working summers in the most remote and rugged parts of the Arctic wilderness. Carrying 100-pound-plus backpacks of rocks up and down steep, unstable talus slopes, in freezing rain, with high winds batting me around, or bent over for hours extracting fossil specimens from solid rock with a sledge hammer and chisels in freezing weather, or helping load a 400-pound fuel drum into a small bush plane, seemed like a guaranteed way to wreck my back. Turns out it wasn't.


However, once I read Healing Back Pain and thought about my situation, I realized that my back never hurt in the Arctic when I was using it to the maximum. My back "went out" when I was back home doing ordinary things that did not approach in intensity the way I used my back in the Far North. Sarno's ideas about childhood rage struck a chord with me. Up to then I had mentally put my mother on a pedestal. However, after reading and rereading Sarno's book, I took my mother off of the pedestal; then I took the pedestal and mentally beat the hell out of dear old mom (and dad too). They were then long-deceased, so no parents were harmed in healing myself of childhood trauma and bidding goodbye to back pain.


I have read many TMS Success Stories, and none employed the physicality that I did, but it worked like a charm to heal me. When I got tired of pounding mom into mush with the pedestal, I imagined my parents' heads as speed bags/punching bags at the gym and gleefully punched them to simthereens, usually together. You can think of all kinds of creative ways to deal with parent-inflicted trauma once you get going. Example: I imagined myself piloting a P-51 Mustang fighter and strafing my childhood home, with them in it, with .50-caliber bullets and rockets until it was a smoking pile of ruins. Knives and baseball bats also made for colorful parental thrashings.


I dedicated myself to this necessary task of daily venting anger that my inner self had accumulated since boyhood. As time went on, my lower back pain faded away, followed by that ice pick-like stabbing pain beside my shoulder blades, then other misc. aches and pains. The whole process of shedding TMS pain took 2-3 months, which included daily mental savaging of my parents, and reading and underlining and rereading Sarno's book and frequently looking at his DVD showing him lecturing. The whole while I kept firmly in mind that my current bodily pain derived from my raging inner child producing it as a distraction, so that I would focus on the pain and ignore its childhood source. Not a trick I fall for anymore.


I came to realize that several episodes of BS medical crisis in my life, including a lucrative (for the predatory MDs) abdominal operation and long, painful hospital stay for "irritable bowel syndrome") were TMS reactions to stressful events in my life. Sarno got me to stop enriching chiropractors and masseurs. If ever a bodily pain begins to form these days, I instantly make fun of it, including roundly cursing it, and sometimes punching out my parents. At the gym, if my right knee starts being painful I say, "Nice try, stupid, but last time you made my left knee hurt. Can't you even remember which knee you want to hurt?" The pain then vanishes that instant or a few minutes later.


I began my career with an institution I loved, but around twenty years on it changed management and became an unpleasant, stressful place to work. I was forever having gut problems during those later years. Since I was knowledgeable about TMS at this stage of my life, I moved to another institution, where the stress was less, and the gut problems went away; a good tradeoff.


Fighting (literally!) against TMS pain was central to defeating it, for me. I'm very sensitive to what stress does to my body these days, and always watchful of what my inner child is upset about. The events I describe here happened a few years ago and back pain has not reappeared. I haven't read about anyone else resolving back pain with mock violence, but it worked like a charm for me and I'm writing about it because it may be a useful tool for others.

 

What a great post! And timely for me, as I’m going through another layer of my childhood abuse onion. Listened to some good angry songs today. That helped. Had to smile, laugh and even gleefully giggle at the thought of borrowing some of your mock violence examples. (Then I’ll make up my own new ones. Yours are so much more creative than I’ve ever been.) I think Howard Schubiner uses mock violence in his book, Unlearn Your Pain. This is inspiring what you’ve written. Thank you so much for sharing it. And I’m glad to know you’re no longer under the thumb of TMS.

 

Yes, I have used this strategy quite a bit. The Penultimate scene in "Casino" come to mind. (Beaten to death with Baseball bats, after being forced to watch your Brother beaten to death ; then buried alive)

I grew up in a lot of violence. I had a lot of other problems, but no TMS until I stopped being violent.

When I read Sarno it was easy to see how an abruptly checked "ID of a 5 year old", being replaced by "Moses the Rule maker" necessitated the need of a distraction.

It is also very therapeutic to go and blow stuff up with firearms. We used to leave the county with a lot of furniture in the truck. Then we'd line it up against a mountainside and open up a fusillade into old couches, chairs and Pet furniture. It only takes one box of 12 gauge magnum ammo to reduce a 'Cat tower' into a heap of shredded fabric. My Imagination ran vivid movies of people and their possessions that I'd love to annihilate.
I learned how to operate a lot of different vintage and modern guns, learned safety and bruised the Snot out of my shoulder from all the recoil...and my pain was less and less every time we went.

Beating the snot out of bags and stuff while enumerating the alleged offenders violations of your self is very therapeutic. I have always said, getting over TMS requires a lot of imagination and Chutzpa. So very natural, and miles away from the cold, diagnostic 'scientific' crap that we dumped money into for years to only get worse.

The whole world is advertising to you...You need to advertise in your own head to fight it off

 

When I was a wild and very angry divorced mother with a violent ex, I was very in touch with my anger. Painted my nails a color of red that was almost black. It’s the only color I wore. And I always wore it. Then years and years later, I became Aunt B from Andy of Mayberry and problems dumped on in layers, heavier and heavier—and my body blew up in pain. It’s terrible to think that being very into your peace loving religion can make you sick. But I Know God doesn’t want me debilitated and miserable. I’m going to have to light this fuse.

 

Oh, how I wish this mock violence tactic would work for me! I'd love to know why it doesn't.

When I was working in a toxic work environment (the toxicity came from the people and the general culture of the place) I was angry all the time and well aware of that anger and I'd come home and express and release my rage, but that made not one iota of difference, my TMS symptoms got increasingly worse until eventually they were so utterly debilitating that I had to leave my job. After I left my job my symptoms didn't improve and I continued to be housebound and intermittently bedridden for months on end (with head to toe severe muscle pain, severely painful muscle spasms that contorted my body, and overwhelming undue fatigue, plus other symptoms too).

In recent years I am a hell of a lot better by comparison. Expression of anger has never noticeably helped me though, instead that improvement has been due to a very gradual process of dogged determination to get back to normal life despite the symptoms (also a la Sarno) but I am not fully recovered from TMS.

I do though look back and realise that I didn't like feeling angry... So, is the secret to learn to like and perhaps even enjoy expressing one's anger and rage in a violent manner (without actually harming anyone, of course)?

Sounds like you'd do well to start painting your nails that colour again because it seems evident that expressing your anger worked for you at one time — when you were like a fierce mother bear with cubs to protect and nurture. You were badly wronged and abused by people in the past and, from what you've said elsewhere, also to a certain extent over the years and in the present too, so I would imagine that safe expression of the associated rage and anger would count as a righteous anger (wouldn't it?) especially as you won't actually be harming anyone.

 

I think you’re right. It also automatically dissipates victimhood, which I personally think is a breeding ground for TMS and also hopelessness.

Me too. Is that because we were trained not to? Because it is a normal and common feeling. (Not common for me. I think of it as pointless or bad usually.)

It looks like @Baseball65 @acharax and Sarno would say so. David Hanscom says to forgive almost immediately. But maybe you can do both? I’m honestly not opposed to the anger. It’s just so elusive! It seems like you have to believe you deserve to own it for it to come. You also have to not be afraid of it. It feels powerful.

 

I think you're right about that. I can only actually remember a couple of times feeling angry when I was a kid and that definitely wasn't normal. On one of those occasions I wrote down exactly what I thought of my mother and hid it in a book that I knew she would be very unlikely to ever open. Years later when clearing out stuff from my childhood room, I came across that book with my hand written diatribe still in it... I guess it was my first journal entry!

Something I also realised is that in adult life (after suffering TMS symptoms and reading Sarno) I'd get angry about something and would express that anger multiple times and yet when I thought of it again the anger was still there... Perhaps I needed to revisit it a hundred times to get rid of it, but it is hardly practical to do that with every single annoyance one has experienced in life and with all the irritations and annoyances in daily life too. Or maybe I just wasn't violent enough in response to and in expressing my anger.

 

When I came on this forum is when I learned that emotions are actually physical feelings. That was a mind blowing concept for me— And still is. Almost all of my emotions are in my head, only. And I know now this is a lot of my problem. So while journaling over the past year, I’ve been trying to welcome my emotions into my body and then feel where the emotion is. Is it trembling? Is it in my chest? Is it in my stomach? Things like that. And then I’ve been trying to tell myself not to be afraid of the feeling— Because obviously my TMS brain thinks I’ll blow up if I have emotions. So last night, when I was thinking about these recent incidents that pulled up a lot of anger for me I felt like a roaring furnace of anger, and it was in my chest. But it didn’t feel bad. It felt great, like I Was Superman. I felt like I could pick up the house and throw it. That’s so the opposite of feeling depressed and abused. To answer your question, I’m guessing maybe you haven’t felt enough anger yet? Enough intensity. And neither have I. Especially if we have a backlog that’s due. Lol I would give anything to blow up some furniture to smithereens, like @Baseball65 does.

 

I'm so pleased to hear that you are no longer fearful of feeling anger/rage - such a gargantuan break through! I've definitely felt rage and anger a lot in my teenage and adult life (I'm not fearful of it, I just find it unpleasant) but I guess I would feel it more comprehensively, enough to perhaps dissipate it, if I felt it and expressed it mock violently... which I think ties in with you feeling like you had the strength and power of superman and could throw your house as that's pretty violent, I would say. So, nice one! I'm going to journal, starting with a 'baby steps' around 15 minutes or so in the evenings, writing about doing all sorts of violent and forceful things to those who have 'done me wrong' in the past and about anything that angers or irritates me during the day.

 

I like this! Great idea! And don’t forget to let yourself feel it in your body. Not just write about it.

 

I couldn't think of worse advice to someone who is a TMS personality. That's the way I was when I got into pain.

Denying the anger, that I harbor conscious anger and unconscious anger is like trying to corral a Tiger. It's gonna get out one way or another so pollyanna-ing away stuff is a certainteed way to Pack more anger down there.

 

Hanscom's method isn't about denying the anger. He doesn't say to ignore it at all, but it is true to say that he doesn't advocate for just "venting" anger. His recommendation is to express it through writing it down, which he calls "expressive writing" and then almost immediately forgive as long as it's not forced. Here's a summary of his method courtesy of perplexity.ai:

1. Processing Anger, Not Just Venting

• Acknowledge and Process: Hanscom highlights the importance of acknowledging anger, understanding its impact, and processing it in healthy ways—rather than suppressing or ignoring it. He uses techniques such as expressive writing, where you write down your thoughts and then destroy the paper. This helps separate yourself from problematic thoughts without ruminating on them.
  
  
• Venting Not Encouraged as a Solution: Hanscom does not advocate for just “venting” anger (such as ranting or acting out). Instead, he suggests processing anger through self-regulation methods, mindfulness, and learning skills to calm the nervous system and reduce reactivity.

2. On Forgiveness

• Forgiveness: Hanscom sees forgiveness as a powerful step. Forgiveness, in his view, is part of the process and can immediately follow after addressing and reducing anger as long as it is not a forced act. He says it requires effort and skill, and is often reached after learning methods for calming the body and mind.

• Letting Go and Moving Forward: Holding on to anger is described as a block to healing. Hanscom challenges people to let go of resentment, embrace emotional healing, and eventually strive toward forgiveness—not as a forced act, but as the outcome of effective anger processing.

3. Practical Steps Highlighted by Hanscom

• Expressive Writing: Regularly writing down negative thoughts and then discarding them to clear mental “clutter.”
  
  
• Mindfulness and Breathing: Techniques for self-regulation and calming your physiological response to stress and anger.
  
  
• Shifting Focus: Redirecting thoughts from rumination to positive experiences or “nurturing joy” over time.

 

Yes. You write an unsent letter to x or y (and express your anger or sadness or other emotion there in the letter) and then forgive them. They did what they could, really. That was them rolling at 100% brain/emotions capacities. That's just what they could do, nothing else. It is what it is. And that's it.

 

There..rather than write my own sentence I just Borrowed Jan's.

There is such A thing as truth. The whole moral relativism of our age is so alien to the DNA strands we belong to....if you're reading this, the fact that you exist means your antecedents fought, killed ,dominated, outbred their rivals, who have no off spring. You are the descendant of winners...a lot of them.

People had to die so you could live. It's part of Nature. It was a thousands of Generational selection process ...and now after living in a relatively peaceful world for 2 generations 'Suicidal empathy' ala "Forgive everybody unchecked" is cleaning out the bottom of the Gene pool. Maybe it was necessary....but You don't want to be that person because the cognitive dissonance is gonna give you TMS. And you are probably passing on a lot of Red Herrings w/o knowing it.

My son got arrested at School for fighting. On the Fully visible video tape, He did everything he could to NOT fight, but the other kid demanded it.... The Kid swung at his head and missed....so my son finally punched him back and Broke his top and bottom tooth/jawline which the foolish young man needed surgically repaired. Caved his face in.
The assistant principal even told me "If EVER a kid had it coming, it was that kid!"
But they arrested my son anyways.
"We have a 'Zero tolerance violence rule"...
"so if a victim tries to defend themselves, they get arrested?"
"Yep"

To make sure my son didn't get TMS or other emotional problems, I told him "You did nothing wrong, in fact I was proud of your restraint and If that kid ever does it again? Hit him harder !....but meanwhile, we are gonna PRETEND to be sorry."
We even scripted an apology speech for his court hearing. My son was basically being punished for being a better fighter who doesn't fight. This is so antithetical to sanity and evolution it defies my ability to explain. That Apology was the LIE... the social imperative to play along with the stupid PC narrative is the rage maker, not the actual violence which was over in 3 seconds.

As our society fills up with more and more social imperatives that have nothing to do with what is right and fair, more and more people are going to have TMS and other MBS symptoms. Violence isn't always bad....and you wouldn't be here w/o it... it's part of who we are. Too much of it has been made to be shameful and we need a major correction.

 

Still...I don't want to remember shit. People or their actions. It's an attack on my mental peaceful clean state. That's how I feel. I want to keep it clean. Why would I want to throw dirt at my mind over and over again? No.

Moral values are twisted in our times. I would rather keep my conscious mind clean and have nothing to be ashamed of...than to lie and twist the truth for any reason. Call me extreme. (I would have punched that moron too).

 

Yes it is. That’s too bad that happened to your son. In the 1950s the other kid would have been in trouble. But you’ve got to be proud at least that your son’s nobody’s fool. And he can certainly take care of himself.

 

I really like Dr. Hanscom. And I really like his expressive writing. I’ve noodled out a lot of things with it. But I haven’t ever really FELT anything while doing it. That’s probably why I like it! lol Hanscom healed with his method. And parts of his methods have helped me greatly. But it’s clear to me I really haven’t come close to addressing the anger. Years ago, while in therapy, I was unleashing a lot of anger. I drew horrid pictures. I listened to angry music and mused over my anger. But it wasn’t physical. I think I need to recognized my animal instinct. I need to get in touch with my natural genetic reaction to rage. (My ancestors were Vikings. And I guess by virtue of being here, I’m descended from those that were the best at being angry Viking-style.)

Touché