Day 15 the pain that changes

The pain in these two weeks has changed, my approach has changed with regard to the consideration of pain.
I explain myself better: the pain of sciatica that has oppressed me in the last eight months has ceased to have a centrality in my life, not that it has disappeared, it's just that I decided that I want to do all those things that were precluded to me during this period , like going to work on foot, putting dishes in the dishwasher, sitting down to write, doing physical activity and, above all, picking up my three month old son.
I started running for two weeks, three / four times a week. After the last run (15 minutes) in the night I had a terrible backache that I have been carrying for five days and this brought me back to despair, I was immediately assailed by negative thoughts such as "maybe I exaggerated" "my paraverrebral musculature is hypotonic " maybe I have a dorsal hernia. In short, this new pain was enough to have more than one doubt about my healing process.
But if I stop to think about what I feel, if I try to live my emotional moments to the maximum, the pain decreases until it disappears, and this gives me hope. my certainties with respect to the diagnosis at this point I think they are strong, but not so much to totally condition my unconscious, which clings to the uncertainty to build new pains and bring me back to the usual logic, habit and the pattern of fears that it has been built in the last years of life.
How can you be so convinced? How do we keep in touch with ourselves 24 hours after all this time? I believe these are the challenges I am called to face and I believe that the pain will remain with me until there is an effective step forward in this sense

 

Nice description of the process, Pietro!

Might I suggest that if you expect be in control (control over your symptoms) 24 hours a day, are you not expecting perfectionism? And isn't perfectionism a big reason why you (and all of us) are here?

Give yourself a break, forgive yourself if you are not in control all the time, and instead accept that this different way of thinking will get easier over time, until it becomes second nature. None of us is ever going to be 100% symptom-free 100% of the time - but we can be very close to 100% most of the time, or mostly symptom-free 100% of the time (take your pick!) Seriously, though, the real goal and the reward will be that the severity of your symptoms when they reappear will be less as you get better at this, the time you take to recover from them will get shorter and shorter, and in the end they will just be an annoyance that you have to deal with every once in a while, but they won't run or ruin your life anymore.

 

Dear JanAtheCPA,
thanks for letting me consider this aspect of the question, actually, as you say, it seems really my habit to reason by setting goals that I haven't always managed to pursue in my life to have led me in this state of perennial unease and illness.
And it is precisely the excessive control that involves a neglect of the emotions; now I begin to understand how much this is a limit of my personality that depends, I believe, on my inner insecurity, the lack of self-esteem and the excessive appreciation of the opinion of others (which, moreover, leads me to live in a state of constant condemnation to myself and in the relative sense of guilt for never having been up to the tasks, always difficult, that I had planned).
What I am learning most of all these days thanks to you and this forum is to start to treat myself and my body with the utmost kindness and avoid being always so quoted towards me.
Thanks again for listening, you do not know how useful this is for me at this very delicate moment.
A warm hug Pietro