That Last 1%

Hi All:

It's been a while since I've posted anything, however, I've been watching the threads and it's awesome to see so many folks recovering.

So..... I would consider myself 95 - 99% symptom free. I've been heading to the gym, having some great work outs, running again and just loving life. I've stopped keeping track but I think I am somewhere in the 3rd month of recovery.

The challenge I am seeing now is that some of my symptoms returned yesterday. It was a super stressful week last week. I have two teenage kids and of course they are doing what teenage kids do to drive their parents crazy. I am particularly worried about my son and feel a bit helpless.

All that said, my brain is taking over and worrying about getting the pain back. I have no idea where it came from because honestly I am sitting here pain free. Went to the gym, had a great work out, so it's very strange how that fear just popped in there. Symptoms seem to come around 7PM. Don't ask why....

So how does one get past those moments of doubt and fear that come out of nowhere and start us worrying about a tragic relapse. I know my thoughts aren't real and a reaction to stress.

Thanks for any inputs....

Susan

 

I would write about the fears and where they're coming from.

As far as kids, we do the best we can and then they make their own decisions. Is it frustrating sometimes? Of course. I try my best not to let my son totally unbalance me. Not always easy!

Where is your mind going around 7pm? What are your expectations at that time?

I think one good expectation is you've been mostly pain-free before and you can surely do that again!

 

Hi Lori:

Thanks for replying. I did do some journaling yesterday and all really goes back to childhood fears and those neuropathways that take so much time to change. I think we all long to feel connected and that we belong to a bigger cause. Teens have a way of unbalancing us, as you said.

I am not sure what's going on at 7. We usually are all together and have just finished dinner and are beginning to relax. Maybe it's then that my mind is free to roam. A good time for journaling.

Today I am going to practice gratitude. I have so much to be thankful for.

Susan

 

susan im glad you have come so far-your really on the right rd
just some tickers here and there-thats all
dont worry at this point-if you have a small set-back
take it in stride-dont fear it-its just part of the recovery
your at your 3 month turn-thats awesome-
as you know the mechanism isnt ready just yet to give up-
stay the course and keep doing the studys and the work
do you have a happy journal-are you still doing the affirmations and are they all about calmness
have you ever heard of re-framing-maybe from me or someone else
have you practiced re-framing-
let me know-id like to help you pass that 100% mark-
god bless

 

If I might throw my two cents in....
Most of us (TMS sufferers) tend to overthink, overanalyze and worry about things in life and that includes any pains that we get. It's unfortunate that this personality trait plays right into TMS.
What I have found out, and what is so difficult for the TMS personality to do, is that you need to IGNORE most pain. Being a hypochondriac, as most of us are, plays into this.
I am not saying just go out and fight through the pain. What I am saying is to just acknowledge the pain, then forget it. Ease up for a while if you have to and it will go away of it's own accord. It always has for me.

 

Hi Susan
I'm on day 30 of the SEP and I'm very encouraged that you are 95-99% pain free after only 3 months. That gives me hope for my own recovery. Day 29 of the program contains a link for-- http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/MonteH:_Focus_on_the_Present --that really hit home for me yesterday. If the "what if" thoughts are popping up in your mind, they're pretty good road signs that your focus is on the future - that's where the anxiety hides. Thought it may help you also.
Best Wishes
Leslie

 

I might also add that I wouldn't worry about the day to day stressors. As Dr. Sarno expounds upon, these are not the types of stressors that cause TMS. TMS is caused by deep psychological conflicts that you carry. These are more personality traits (do gooder, perfectionist, caregiver etc.) that conflict with your natural egocentric and narcissitic human character. These are the traits that cause such subconcious anger.....yes, rage. These are the traits that are difficult to accept (what me narcissistic?!). Of course these traits lead to significant day to day stressors (handling the kids, work etc.), but remember to think and concentrate on the former. These are the ones that cause TMS. Also as Sarno says, no need to come to resolution, more important to acknowledge them, know that they are lurking there and accept them.

 

Eric - thanks for all the wonderful advice and for consistently helping others.. you are wonderful.

Ragis45 - Ignoring and accepting is a huge part of my recovery. With the lows comes higher highs through every cycle. Coming from someone who thought she would never heal, I see this as a big part of the process.

Leslie - yes, be hopeful. Presence is the key! Anxiety is worry about controlling the future. I realize that only God has control of my future and the plan is already in place for me, for us all.

Feeling much better today. The sun is shining and I continue to ask myself - who would I be without these throughts? Little to no pain today, so thanks for all your support.

Susan

 

Explorer you go girl
really your the best

 

Hi Susan,
I've read all of your posts above and see a common theme that seems to hone in on the issue of "doubt". I read something just the other day about how God's divine energy is free of 'doubt' so one cannot know the oneness of divine energy until one is free of all doubt. Doubt divides. Now that I think of it, perhaps Dr. Sarno's book, The Divided Mind is the best title for this syndrome. (It might've been Eckhart Tolle's book, The Good Earth, that described this concept of doubt - not sure though). And as you said, you question the doubt and FEAR that come out of nowhere and cause us to think of relapse. Just the fact that you're thinking of relapse could bring it on.
As Lori asked, what is it about 7 p.m. that causes you to feel symptoms then? What happened at 7 p.m. when you were a child or teen? Perhaps nothing significant that you can recall, but it is worth exploring. Perhaps you're just angry internally that your teen children expect you to take care of dinner responsibilities. Once you sit down to relax your internal child feels resentful that you have to always be the parent. You don't get to begin to relax until 7 p.m. while your teen children begin to relax when they arrive home from school or work. Just a theory.

Peace.

 

Hey Susan,

I was just wondering the other day how you were getting on. You have done such an amazing job in the last three months. If you have come so far so fast I think you can do anything!