Taking stock

Like the conscientious little TMSer that I am, I'm looking at my progress with an end-of-the-year review.

I have made progress with arm, neck, shoulder pain. Some symptoms linger (foot numbness) and new ones have cropped up (bitter taste in mouth, nausea, dizziness). I'm less anxious about these things than I used to be -- I used to have panic attacks 24/7. I also got confirmation of TMS over the holidays: the days when I wasn't nauseous were the days when I was most relaxed.

I've come a long way in recognizing my rage. Today, and often, I'm enraged at the medical system. I thought it would be due diligence to go to an ENT about the dizziness and nausea, even though they seem TMS-y. He recommended a head MRI, which I'm just about brave enough now to have, and if all goes well it could be a great step in overcoming my fear. However, he also wanted to put me on Zantac, a protein pump inhibitor, because he says reflux might be part of the bad taste in my mouth. I agreed to try it, but reading about those medications here and elsewhere, there is no way I'm going to take it -- they are linked to all sorts of serious conditions with longterm use and seem to have a rebound effect when you stop them. Oh, and also have side effects of dizziness and nausea! Just what I need. So I left the doctor feeling worse than when I went in, and I'm appalled at how often a doctor will nocebo me with something I hadn't even complained about.

Yet I still feel the responsible thing to do is to get each new symptom checked out. Sigh.

On a more positive note, I stumbled across two wonderful meditations on the website of a medical herbalist from New Zealand.

https://www.rjwhelan.co.nz/music.html (Richard Whelan ~ Medical Herbalist ~ Music)

Scroll down to "Relaxing when there is anxiety" and "Relaxing when there is pain." They are relatively short, he has a very soothing voice, and though he doesn't mention TMS his approach is perfect for mind-body philosophy. I've been doing at least one of these a day.

I'm grateful for this community and wish for all of us peace, breathing space, and connection in 2020!

 

Hi LaughingKat,

Nice to read your check-in. It seems you're skillfully sorting out the physical from the non physical, keeping your wits about you!!

Yes, they are often experts at "finding something wrong!!" On the other hand, some good advice a friend was given by a doctor recently (after lots of real medical challenges) was "I don't want to see you again in this office for a long time. I hope to see you out walking in the park, enjoying your life!"

Good to see LK how you're working with fear and symptoms!

Andy

 

Thanks for responding, Andy! I wish I could find a doctor like your friend's. I just saw a neurologist yesterday who was one big walking nocebo. She said she was recommending more tests BECAUSE I'm so anxious. She thought more tests would help.

Someday I want to be confident enough about my body and about TMS to laugh at suggestions like that.