So Much Fear

Just having some 'flashbacks' recently. I had remembered running away a couple of times in my teenage years. First time was a Saturday when I was away for a few hours.

Second time I was away from Friday morning to Saturday lunchtime. I hadn't gone far, and went back on my own voluntarily. I have recently recalled going to my room and have my parents follow me. My mum then slapped me, and said something along the lines of 'How dare you do that to us/me?'

I think there was one or more 'experience' before that which made me scared of her, but is it any wonder why I am still fearful of her.

She still says she loves me, but I don't feel any love from her.

The thing that I believe started my chronic pains was when she confronted me three or four times and told me I was two stone (28lbs) overweight and to go Weightwatchers to make some new friends.

 

I'm sorry you feel that your mother doesn't love you. Slapping you doesn't help. But I'm sure she does love you. About your weight, she is just giving you some "tough love." You're probably putting on some pounds because you're not happy. Even celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Barbra Streisand and lots of others male and female put on weight when they're not happy or under emotional stress. Try to slow down on the amount you eat, eat more fruits and veggies, and drink a lot of water.

If you haven't started the Structured Educational Program, free in the subforum of this web site, I urge you do begin. It has lots of helpful suggestions on how to heal any pain caused by our emotions. It asks you to journal about present and past emotional stressors. When you discover them and tell your subconscious about them, the pain will go away and you will be happier and healthier than you ever imagined possible. It worked for me and it will for you.

 

The point is that I wasn't overweight .... it certainly wasn't the biggest issue at the time. I was suffering from chronic dizziness at the time and didn't feel able to go out and enjoy myself.

She doesn't see how I could feel that she doesn't love me.

I actually think the pain is caused by something more generic - something to do with being angry at myself for helping people who have bullied me in the past.

I am currently doing EFT Tapping, which isn't helping the pain, but it is helping me figure out what ** IS ** causing the pain.