Sadness

I reeeeeeally feel like I have been making progress.. I know I have TMS with every cell in my body. No problem there.. I have done so much work with re-directing my thoughts.... Showing NO FEAR! Not counting the days. I have been working on releasing anger, forgiving myself and others, positive affirmations, visualizations, etc. Putting attention into how I react to TMS vs. the severity of the symptom.

Last night was awesome. Really good sleep No pain or anxiety. I had so much peace woke up this morning, feeling almost euphoric. Like ME. The way that I should FEEL ALLLL THE TIME! I could feel the light in me, and see the light in others. (If that makes any sense)... Great drive into work, felt soooo connected and whole to everything. Just felt pure unconditional love.

Then BAAAAAAAM! The anxiety kicked in after I started working. No, not due to thoughts running through my head that were "what if" or "fear based"... But just the overwhelming feeeeling of anxiety, pulsating through my body to my core. Like I feel sometimes for no reason whatsoever. Not logical. Just a feeling I get and I recognize what it is.. And just have to say... This ISN'T ME feeling this feeling... This is just TMS.

When I would have to work with a patient (for my job).. The anxiety would disappear, then go into my calf muscle. An old trigger point that I thought I got from jogging years ago that acts up. (But yeah.. I know for a fact it's TMS and always was). It went away when I realized it. But just all of the sudden came back to that area.

I was trying to figure out what my anxiety was wanting me to know. What my subconscious was trying to tell me I needed to deal with.

I didn't feel anger or fear at alllll. What I felt was SADNESS. I cried floods and floods of tears. For all sorts of different reasons. For this crazy situation I am in right now... For just wanting to be better. For trying to figure out what I need to do. Also..... For some things in the past. Just that emotion.

I feel like I'm Neo from The Matrix who took the RED PILL! I've been sucked into some type of rabbit hole and I see the reality of how our mind body's really are and am just trying to get a grasp on all of it. It's a lot to take in.

No one is really as lucky as we are.. I hope you guys realize this. Lots of people go through this stuff and just accept that pain and sickness are due to things beyond their control.

I'm just waiting to finally be Neo at the end of the movie where he realizes his true power!!! But shit. I just broke down today and had a pity party for myself. It felt good to get it out. I even got angry as well and broke a glass in my kitchen. I'm not afraid of TMS and I'm just overwhelmed by all of this. Because it is crazy stuff... but it's TRUE.

So my question is... What are all ya'lls viewpoints on Sadness in this? Do you think this was just emotion that I was holding in that needed to be released? I don't feel sorry for myself all of the time. I just felt like I wanted to be a baby for a minute and throw a tantrum about it all. It's frustrating to go through this. It's hard to be positive and happy and keep your emotions and check all of the time.

What do you guys think about sadness and TMS? As well as releasing emotions about the entire process that we have to go through?

 

Like I said.. Sometimes I feel like Neo... Other times I feel like the wife of Robin Williams on "What Dreams May Come"... Where she is just trapped and confused and SAD. Ugh. I am learning so much about psychology and the power of the mind it's crazy. I feel at times like I am bipolar or something, but I know that isn't the case. Because as soooooon as I accepted that this was all TMS. Down the rabbit hole my emotions went! (Though there was some stress building up to that)... Still NOTHING LIKE THIS! WOW.

 

Oh Anne! I loved reading your message! We're gonna make it I KNOW that we will! I think the more questions and the more we try and figure this out... The more upset we get... haha. I wish that this was a quick fix situation.. But I feel like I am growing in so many ways as well and learning so much about myself. I have no appetite EITHER... LOL. So funny. But I still have unwaivering faith. Our subconcious can be really tricky to figure out. Our anxiety isn't US. But it is TMS getting figured out. It knows we're getting close and it's trying to "protect us" from those burried emotions.

I had a weird dream last night... I dreamt that I lost my ID (purse... but most concerned about my ID in it).. At the movie theatre. During the movie I went around bugging people to look under their feet for my purse. It was really strange. Also, this guy popped in it that kinda screwed me over big time in a lot of ways, I haven't thought about him in years. I'm not sure if that means something or not.. But I think I'm gonna have to process those emotions from that incident.

I think that I'm figuring out I'm not who I thought I was... And the way I am viewing myself is changing... So I've lost my "identity"... So intersting.

Anyways yeah.. Please feel free to message me or even skype me if you need to talk or need support. It's hard for my family to understand this... Most people aren't open or ready to understand this... It can be very difficult..

Also.. In my frantic quest that I go into to figure out the brain, quantum physics, and all of that cool stuff that I'm into.. I ran into this video. Even though this is kind of WAAAAAY out there stuff. The message is profound. A lot of his stuff is really cool and makes sense. Please let me know what you think of this message. This has helped me a lot when I feel like I'm falling off the deep end. Because I know that I'm that much closer to the light!

 

Sadness often arise naturally after releasing the anger and individuals will often break into tears. This is a healthy response and what anyone would feel given the difficult situations you have lived through. Allow yourself to feel sadness fully, to experience the grief and regret, and to release anger and sometimes guilt. These are the steps: anger/resentment > guilt/shame > sadness/grief > Let go with love to yourself and others. Thus, sadness need to come out naturally, which is a good indication that you released and expressed your anger prior to expressing your sadness.

 

Stock Trader.. You are definitely right... It is crazy how all of these emotions are surfacing. I had no idea how severe these repressed emotions were. But WOAH.... Boy oh boy are they a comin out now... It's a really good thing. It's been an emotional roller coaster with this entire thing. Dealing with pain, anxiety, repressed emotions, and emotions that I have just dealing with the whole process as well. The time is just blurring together. But I feel like healing and balance are taking place. I feel like I'm grow from this experience in so many ways.... So I'm thankful that I'm going through it I just wish other people could accept this as well and deal with their repressed emotions.. It's unfortunate that our society isn't more accepting of this..