RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AND TMS

I notice from posts in the subforums that a lot of people’s TMS pain may be caused by relationship problems… a difficult marriage, separation, divorce. Here are some words of advice for women from Mandy Hale, from her best-selling book The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

I think a lot of it is good advice for men, too. If just one quote helps you, they were all worth posting.


Blogger turned New York Timesbest-selling author and speaker Mandy Hale is affectionately known around the world as “The Single Woman.” With a heart to inspire single women to live their best lives and to never, ever settle, Mandy cuts to the heart of the matter with her inspirational, straight-talking, witty, and often wildly humorous take on life and love. Mandy’s message reaches literally millions of women across the world every day through her blog, books, and social media platforms.

In The Single Woman, she shared the importance of keeping Christ at the center ofherlife and how He has enabledherto find strength when she needs it most.


Quotes from her book The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass


“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”


“One of the best times for figuring out who you are & what you really want out of life? Right after a break-up.”


“Realize that if a door closed, it’s because what was behind it wasn’t meant for you.”


“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we're settling for.”

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”


“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”


“You don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life.”


“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”


“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”


“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is…an opportunity to get to know YOU, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but YOU for your happiness…you will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful YOU.”


“There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.”


“Two things you will never have to chase: True friends & true love.”


“Sometimes when you lose your way, you find YOURSELF.”


“Celebrate the people in your life who are there because they love you for no other reason than because you are YOU.”


“So you're a little weird? Work it! A little different? OWN it! Better to be a nerd than one of the herd!”


“Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them.”


“You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them…but still move on without them.”

“Single” is an opportunity to live life on your own terms and not apologize.”


“It makes no sense to try to extend a friendship that was only meant to be a season into a lifetime.”


“Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate.”


“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It can hurt you no more.”


“Better to put your heart on the line, risk everything, and walk away with nothing than play it safe. Love is a lot of things, but “safe” isn’t one of them.”


“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”


“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”


“Outer beauty pleases the EYE. Inner beauty captivates the HEART.”


“Some steps need to be taken alone. It's the only way to really figure out where you need to go and who you need to be.”


“You will never gain anyone's approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows.”


“Not everyone has to ride off into the sunset with a man. Some of us just want a tan.”


“You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.”


“If there is a particular person in your life that is repeatedly choosing not to honor you and is causing you more sadness or pain than they are joy - it might be time to release that friendship back to God and trust that it is not where you belong.”


An interview with Mandy Hale:
Style & Wisdom: When & why did you start The Single Woman?


Mandy Hale: I started The Single Woman in January of 2010, following the demise of a bad relationship in October of ‘09. The relationship was very toxic and abusive – emotionally and physically – and I found myself in a situation I never imagined would happen to me, feeling trapped in the relationship with nowhere else to turn, because of the fact that I had alienated so many of my friends who didn’t want me to be with this guy. I made the mistake that so many women make, which was allowing the relationship to become my ENTIRE life, so even though I knew I had to leave him, it scared me to think of being completely on my own.


About two months before the relationship ended, I started praying that God would give me the strength to leave. Ultimately the answer to my prayer came in the most unexpected way – through a wedding! I traveled across the country with my dad to be in a friend’s wedding in Arizona, which gave me miles and miles of time and beautiful scenery to help me clear my head and gain some distance from the relationship.


I ended up catching the bouquet at the wedding, which was ironic…since it actually empowered me not to be the next to get married, but to come home and end the relationship and never look back. It was after I became single again that I started looking around for strong, sassy, independent women to look up to; and unfortunately, the pop culture landscape is sorely lacking in those these days. It was then that I decided that since I couldn’t FIND it, I would BECOME it…and The Single Woman was born!

S & W: You inspire women on Twitter and on your website every day, who inspires you?


MH: Everyone from Oprah to Marilyn Monroe to Carrie Bradshaw to Elizabeth Gilbert. I love quotes…from real people, from movies, from fictional characters, from books…I own at least 100 quote books and I am constantly scanning them for inspiration and new writing material. I even have quotes hung all around my house. I think the power that one little nugget of truth can have to meet you right where you’re at and heal your heart or motivate you or make you laugh or make you cry is incredible. I’ve loved quotes my entire life…which is why it seems so fortuitous that I would now be doing what I’m doing. It’s kind of like Life figures out who we are before we even realize it…ya know?

S & W: Let's talk about a question everyone seems to ask about relationships: why is it SO hard to get over that ex & how do we move on?


MH: I think as women, we tend to cling more to the idea of someone than the reality of someone. Especially once you get into your late 20’s and beyond – society teaches us that we need to grab on to the first guy that comes along and march down the aisle because it might be our last shot at love. I think we are so afraid that nothing better will come along, we hang onto a relationship long after we should have let it go because we are terrified to lose what might have been our one shot at love. That’s the unfortunate stigma attached to being single that I hope to change. We don’t have to hold onto someone that’s not God’s best for us just because we’re afraid nothing better will come along…because WE are someone better. I’m actually working on an e-book right now that will address this very issue, so stay tuned!


S & W: Thoughts on online dating?
MH:I’ve never tried it, but I’m not opposed to it. I applaud people who have found their mate in that arena. For me, I tend to be really idealistic and old-fashioned…so my hope is that I will meet my Prince Charming a little more organically…but who knows? I might try it one of these days.

S & W: What is one message that you really want single women (to all women) to take from you? (If you can sum it up into one message!)


MH:That you are valuable. That you have worth. That your relationship status on Facebook says nothing about your status in life. That just because you’re still single doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you – it actually means there’s something really RIGHT with you. You boldly made the decision to hold out for the best and didn’t allow peer pressure and stigmas and the expectations of others to cause you to settle for less. Keep your head held high…keep doing your Single Woman rock…and fly high, with or without a co-pilot. Wish for love, hope for love, pray for love…but until love arrives…THRIVE!