Please HELP! Back pain and having trouble recovering.

Hi guys,

I am a 24 year old male. In September 2017 I injured myself at the gym by doing heavy core work. It slowly got worse over time and in March 2018 the pain was so severe in my lower back that I had to quit my job. I was bedridden and depressed. I had an MRI which showed a fairly normal spine (small bulging disc L5/S1, some mild stenosis and facet degeneration). I saw 3 neurosurgeons and they all said that my spine is fine and that my problem is most likely muscular. It really frustrated me at the time because I was in so much pain and couldn't accept the fact that my disc was not necessarily causing the pain.

After months of physio and other therapies without much success (slow improvement), I came across Sarno's book Healing Back Pain. This was in November 2018. I remember that I had a complete epiphany and that the week following this discovery, my pain went away about 80%. However it slowly came back and since then its been a roller coaster. Some weeks I am almost pain free (never completely pain free), but some others like this week I am agonizing in bed. I am trying so hard to think psychologically and apply the TMS techniques but it is really frustrating that the pain always comes back.

I am trying to push through the pain, I started doing cardio work again so at least I have that going on. I am generally a naturally anxious individual and a perfectionist. I always put so much pressure on myself and I realize that. I realize that a lot of flare ups are immediately following stressful events. A month ago I was offered a business opportunity. I was so happy but at the same time subconsciously stressed because of all the responsibilities that it will involve. 30 min after the offer I was waiting for the subway and my back completely locked up all of the sudden, with terrible sciatica in my left leg. 3 days after the pain almost vanished suddenly.

It's always like this, ups and downs and I am getting really frustrated that I can't make this go away for good. Any tips on how to get out of this vicious cycle?

Thank you all,

Mihai

 

Dear Mihai,

Perfectionism can often block our true life purpose...or telling ourselves the truth about what would make us feel the most fulfilled.

You are a young person. Please let go of the fear. Get a piece of paper and write this at the top: "If I weren't so afraid, I would....." Then, start writing whatever comes to you.
write what your "heart" would like to do, in every category: Career, Place to Live, Relationship, Hobby, etc. Don't censor yourself.
Your heart knows the answer. Your back is locking up because you have fear.

24 is very young. Ask your heart....Why do I feel locked up? What do I wish could be different in my life?
Then, start to take some baby steps in that direction every day. Make a phone call. Research it online. Whatever it REALLY is.

You are not injured. You can be well. Treat yourself like your own younger brother...someone you wouldn't criticize, but only encourage to live his dream.
The answer is not, "I just want to be rid of this pain." The question is, "What do I really want, but am too afraid to admit or try."

Your pain comes and goes right now because it isn't structural, it's emotional or psychologically based. So figure out what your true desire is.

best to you,
Marcia

 

Thank you for the inspiring words! When I reflect on what you are saying, I see myself clearly in these words. I am afraid to go to school; I often skip courses to stay in bed. I am afraid to wash dishes, or to vacuum around the house, because I am expecting pain afterwards. But I noticed that when I force myself to go to school and actively engage in the class and pay full attention, I forget about my pain and it temporarily goes away. Until my subconscious starts screaming again and I start feeling it. In my head it often goes like this: "HEY!! You just sat down for 3hours. You just made your back worse, it should definitely start hurting now." And then it actually starts hurting. It is crazy how the brain works.
I will definitely start journaling more and start searching for what is wrong within myself and what I am really afraid of!
Thank you!

 

Hi Mihai,

I suggest you do the Structured Education Program at the Wiki, or do Dr. Howard Schubiner's "Unlearn Your Pain" program. Regular, paced, confident engagement with a program will support you.

Andy B