Day 11 Pain on the move- upper back to lower back

Hi all,

First off thank you all so much for your support. You are all so kind! I had a couple good weeks of no pain (even though I'm trying to re-shape my thinking to not be focused on the pain but the pscyche) but I was doing well, I believe and had little pain. I was doing PT at the time too. I still had tension and knots - is that normal to have no pain but still the tension and knots?

but anyway, the normal pain was gone. A few days ago, I started having low back pain though. It's happened before and the muscles just feels SO tight. I tried stretching them out last night, but currently so frustrated that this is happening. It's made me start doubting and want me to book a PT appointment. I've been also really stressed out- I know this is true. I wrote a one act play with so many repressed memories and tomorrow only 15 get selected to be performed, and we are a group of 46. I'm anxious to be selected.

I'm also the only minority person where I am and constantly feel left out/unable to relate. This school finishes in 3 weeks but we have to create a piece together, all together, and I am already starting to worry whether I will have a voice in the larger group of people. I started carrying a bag, so that;s good. And it's done nothing to advance or make worse my pain. I also sleep fine. Recently though I'm just so sad and can't understand why this low back pain is there and when it wiill go away.

 

Hi, Cookie. It is common for TMS pain to move around, as we tell the subconscious what our repressed emotions are. In your case, it sounds like you are being bullied at school because you are a minority there. Try not to let that trouble you.

I was bullied in high school but survived. So will you.

 

One of the things in life that frustrates me so much is how many brick walls we humans build between ourselves and others. Racial differences is one of the worst. The thing is, I happen to know, from being in the theater world when I was a student (BA in Dramatic Art, 1973!) that liberal arts students are very open and progressive, but in today's politically correct world, I think it's harder than ever for us white liberals to approach minorities with open arms, because we are afraid of being rejected for being "knee jerk" liberals, or of pretending that we "know" what the minority experience is like - the thing is, we know we don't know, but we are too afraid of rejection, we don't know what to do, and we end up frozen in indecision.

To put all this into practical words: I would be astonished if there aren't a number of people in your class who would be happy to include you, but they may need encouragement from you - in other words, sadly, it's going to be up to you to make the first move. I know, because I've been there. I also know that when I was your age, I was pretty wrapped up in my own insecurities, so I might not have noticed the little signs of someone extending a small courtesy, or a smile, or a willingness to engage in a conversation. It's those little things that can be the start of a meaningful friendship.

Good luck, Cookie - you've already come such a long way!