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Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by cherrybomb, Apr 3, 2013.

  1. cherrybomb

    cherrybomb Peer Supporter

    Hello folks, Claire aka cherrybomb here. 33 years old, from england, mother, wife, dog lover, music lover and recovering perfectionist!

    I eventually became severely disabled by pain at 27yrs old (i thought due to a viral infection) and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 29yrs old. I was 'happy' wth the diagnosis as it fit but absolutely distraught at my predicted future and continuing excrutiating pain and disability. It is only now in desperation that i was able to entertain the idea of my pain having a psychological basis. It was 'the great pain deception' that first introduced me to TMS and I experienced what to me were amazing small breakthoughs during the reading of it . For eg. i began regularly affirming to myself that i was ready to feel all emotions, that i was ok , that i could handle feelings of sadness and anger that all these feelings the intensity of them would eventually pass, that i loved myself.

    I ended up having some very cathartic dreams about my mum and dad, i managed to shout stuff at them in my dreams that i could never do in reality. One day i broke down in tears and anger at my dad never being there for me emotionally when i was teenager, stuff that i wouldn't want to see to his face now for fear of hurting him, he was going through a tough time too you see. And after about 20 min after i'd said all this stuff - shouted all this stuff i'd love to say to him all the pain in my neck and shoulders and jaw disappeared, i literally felt a weight disappearing!

    I also observed during the reading of the book that i began to have muscle twitches in my legs, i 'd never had them before - aha i thought you are panicking now dear brain i can feel it! So i ignored them and they went away within a few minutes!

    But then it stopped the progress stopped. I admit i stopped doing my affirmations, i stopped doing the self work, i didnt begin any excersise for fear of any pain being increased (it has been so bad i wanted to end my life just to make it stop). Will i end up there again? im starting to see i will if thats what i fear. But even if it does im beginning to see i need not panic as its the right thing to do , its a process and im on the right path. So im now working myself up to going on a run, i normally use a walking stick or wheelchair or just dont go out, i even have a carer who has helped me in the home for over 4 years and with childcare.

    Is it a matter of me just facing the pain off as steve did in the pain deception? I do have one worry about the pain drugs im on. I tried to reduce them last year to see how i was, it was hell, the pain shot right up off the scale so i went back on them. Should i come off my pain meds and when? im terrified of the that level of pain! how can i overcome this fear?

    Lots of love
    Claire
     
  2. Forest

    Forest Forum Administrator

    Hi Claire,

    I know I just responded to one of your other posts, but there were a lot of things you mentioned here that really reminded me of myself. I was actually diagnosed with Fibromyalgia by one of the doctors who came up with it. I went to every expert I could find to help me, and nothing worked, until I learned about TMS. I have now been pain free for the past four years. I can also relate to the need to yell at your parents. A few months ago, while visiting my father, I yelled at him for how, and sure enough the pain in my jaw went away. For me, recognizing and releasing these emotions that I have built up for so long was a huge part of recovering.

    Getting off pain meds can be difficult, so having a doctor guide you through it may be a good idea. There are actually two great Q&A with an Expert articles about pain meds. They are:
    Like so many things with TMS recovery, it all depends on the person. Different things will resonate with different people. Recovering if all about finding out what areas you need to address, and what resonates most with you.
     
    cherrybomb likes this.
  3. cherrybomb

    cherrybomb Peer Supporter

    thanks so much x
     

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