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My symptoms are getting worse and I am panicking and feel like giving up

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by beachgirl, Nov 8, 2013.

  1. beachgirl

    beachgirl Peer Supporter

    Not a very positive thought I am afraid, but this is where I am. Panicked, so sick of it, despaired and want to give up! I thought I was getting so much better too. These past few days I thought I had this thing licked. I was sure my problem - hair loss- was TMS and that I was on my way to healing and getting better. The Dr said its stress related after all which says to me a mind induced problem, a mind induced cure. Phew. I can beat this I thought. Finally.

    Today, not so much. I have every doubt it that I will be able to get better anytime soon. I am pretty sure it's TMS, but I don't believe I am going to getting better. I feel powerless over what is happening with my body and symptoms and so scared and panicked that its gonna keep on going on going until I am a frightful looking wreck and all of my hair falls out.

    Not only had I felt better about the whole thing earlier this week, but I started to look better too. Even though my hair was thinner these past few weeks, it looked much better. But today and yesterday it has just gotten so much thinner- soooo much thinner- I am in a total panic, instead of getting better its getting worse. I feel worse because my symptoms are worse. Just as I started to finally feel better my symptoms got worse! That tells me it's not working and it's not going to work, using these TMS ideas for my healing.

    I am doing everything I can, but nothing seems to work. I know the stress of my financial and life situation is also at an all time high. I have no money for health insurance or rent both due soon- and no quick job coming anytime soon. That is about as bad as it has ever been and losing my hair on top of it makes my whole life miserable. I feel like giving up.

    I am enjoying all of your support and comments, it helps so much! I read them often and god knows I need thoughts other than my own to help me through this. Your support is a small ray of hope in a very dark and scary place.
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  2. Pandagirl

    Pandagirl Peer Supporter

    Beachgirl, I'm praying for your peace. You've got to find something within you to help you calm down. Can you imagine yourself as a little girl who is scared and talk to her?Would you tell that little girl that she will never get better? I'm sure you wouldn't. You would comfort her and tell her she is going to be okay.

    When you start imagining your hair loss and growth, think about the hair on your legs. Does it grow leaps and bound overnight? Of course not!

    I think you should think beyond TMS. It seems you may be dealing with panic disorder. I've been there and I know how desperate and scary it can feel. I can tell you that I had some very, very dark days. I even imagined having to say goodbye to my precious baby because I didn't think I would live. Two years later and I can now see how irrational those thoughts were, but I was so very scared at the time. My rationale thinking was nowhere to be found. It is a state that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

    Your mind and body feels threatened. You are in a constant fight/flight/freeze mode. Your body is reacting to fearful thoughts.

    When I was going through this there wasn't much anyone could say or do to help me. It took many, many months to calm my system down. Even now when my thoughts are better, my body is symptomatic to some degree. I just try each and every day to not give the symptoms power over me. I work on containing my fears and soothing myself. I hope you can find it within to do this. I wish I had a magic wand to help you, but I will send many prayers your way.

    Mandi
     
  3. beachgirl

    beachgirl Peer Supporter

    Thanks so much Mandi. This is so helpful and believe me I'd take that magic wand if you had it!

    I definitely have panic disorder and I look for ways to calm down, that is a good reminder. Really though, there is nothing that has given me more anxiety than this hair loss. It is a living nightmare and makes me more anxious than anything I know, even the money stuff. I am living in my own private hell with it, I really am.

    It's ALWAYS with me, just like the pain you can feel your hair all the time - so it's hard to escape. It is so scary. At least when things were bad before I could always take solace and some joy in the fact that I was pretty. It was like the only thing I had since the finances have taken everything from me and I've lost everything from having no jobs or money. And now the worse is I've also lost my looks and losing my hair. There's only so much loss a person can take.

    Your words are really comforting and I will take the prayers for sure. That is very nice of you and helps a lot. Since we can't have a magic wand I knew if I believed in a god that was going to get me through id feel better and be better. Not so easy lately so I will gladly take the prayers. I'll send some your way too.

    Again, it's harder because instead of my symptoms getting better they are suddenly getting worse. Even after all the TMS work I am doing, I thought I was getting better, so scary.
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  4. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Beachgirl Quote)- Not only had I felt better about the whole thing earlier this week, but I started to look better too.
    Even though my hair was thinner these past few weeks, it looked much better.

    Eric)-
    The above quote from you will return , the emotions
    the joy of feeling good.The Tms is trying to get you to stop fighting so as you know its upped the anti
    Its seen that you might find a way to get away from its protection so it will try to make the path harder
    You will win this battle, you just have to get back up dust those emotional scares to the side
    and say im going to give it another shot, and this time whatever you bring- im going to win this battle.

    Even when it seems at its worst you are still winning, this is when you hold on dear.
    You are about to make a big break through, hold on.


    Don't force it, just let it happen. But you have to get that smile back ok , think on these things.
    ....

    I saw my sister this morning beachgirl and it ripped at my heart cause she looked beaten and hurt, like as if shed given-up.
    I said you have to think happiness again sister and you have to on purpose - do this with your will.

    I knew she didn't correspond so I said (I love you) and I hate it that life has done this to you.
    She's been waiting on surgery ( Gall bladder) for 3 weeks now and has 3 more weeks to go-
    and its almost killed her. I said sis what are you thinking of ? Is it the pain in your stomach? and I
    pointed at my stomach to get her vision going. She stared for a moment and said no its not-
    The pain, I just hate what im going through in life in general.

    I said sis are you ready to go home ( heaven) and she said no - not now.
    Then I noticed she began to listen to me- and my heart gained its hope back.

    I said sis I love you and I want you to get better but no matter how many surgeries you have-
    until you start to just be happy on purpose and watch funny movies all day and laugh on purpose
    and go for walks thanking life for just being great and seeing the beauty in that-
    then you know nothings going to change - right.

    It almost crippled my spirit to see her laying there. I said you have to be happy.
    And then this weird sound went off in the room, full of kitties playing and such.

    I said sis did you just poot, and after that she started laughing.
    I said that's the spirit sis, and I knew to stay on this thought line cause its all I had to go by.
    Then after laughing it was like her whole demeanor changed, she sat up and looked 5 yrs. younger instantly.

    I didn't say anything about how she looked cause it was her spirit that brought that hope back to her heart and mine.
    We went on to talk about positive thoughts and I told her some things that had been bothering me.

    She instantly went into big sister mode and even talked with more pep ,
    then she started telling me what to do to get over this thought line I had.
    Instantly she told me what I needed and I was even happier.

    We love you here beachgirl- When you hurt we tend to feel it too cause we have a connection that's only through words
    but those words bring life and you are very much a part of our enthusiasm as we are yours.

    I wanted to tell you that story cause that's how I look at you, your a great friend and we want to help you.
    I want to tell you to keep holding on cause giving up isn't the option for you.
    You want to live and be happy that's why you came here to let us know what you are experiencing
    and we want you to know if you find anything- 1 thing to be happy about, do it-
    and then think of at least 1 more thing and think on these thoughts-
    after 5 minutes it should help give you enough strength to put in a comedy or call up an old friend and laugh with them.
    Tell jokes and don't think about anything bad just for today, and then tomorrow- start all over again.

    You have to wake up to good thoughts and memories to get you through the day, everyday.
    Then you have to fill yourself with good thoughts all day, this will help your conditioning phase.

    You have to fight this for yourself first and all of us that have grown to care for you -
    since you've became a member here. You mean a lot to us and we know you can become a winner
    cause you already are a winner- just cause you can't see it with your eyes doesn't mean you cant see it in your spirit.

    In Philippians 4:6-11 in the Bible it tells us to think on these things
    love, peace, joy , happiness, gentleness, kindness, love, patience, self control and faith.
    Then the peace that passes all men's understanding will come and be with you.

    Its proven scientifically if you can hold a good memory for 5 minutes then the emotions from that good memory will
    come awake and alive in your body and mind, in the now- right now, in the present think on these thoughts and when you do
    like think of peace, imagine the feeling of the emotion of peace to come and be with you, it will happen, I promise, I do it all the time.

    Then think on joy and remember a time when you were so full of joy that you couldn't forget it, then this emotional feeling will rest on you
    Then so on, you have the magic wand, its your choice and were rooting for you.
    You can have some down time but make sure to get back up every time ok.

    I hope this helps. Its not magic, its a free gift you were born with.
    Bless you
     
    Celtic Lady likes this.
  5. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Beachgirl. I know what anxiety and panic feels like.
    I was so depressed about 40 years ago, after leaving a high-stress job to no job,
    and having a roommate who kept coming up with more new reasons I felt anxious and
    couldn't sleep at night. It led to a full-fledged panic attack.

    I thought I was having a heart attack or dying. I went to the hospital emergency room
    and said I thought i had had a heart attack. An intern checked me out and said my heart
    and everything else was fine, and said I had an anxiety attack and that he had them "all the time."

    My family doctor told me to see a psychiatrist and I did. He gave me some Librium to relax and it helped.
    It helped more when I got a new job, even though I hated the job.

    If I had known about TMS back then, I could have lifted my spirits way up.

    Here's something that could help you, about your anger and low self-esteem from hair loss:

    Someone else posted about something similar and it reminded me of great movie "Kings Row," 1942.
    Ronald Reagan played a young man who had trifled with the affections (not seriously) with a young
    woman, and her father, a surgeon, amputated both of Reagan's legs, just to get back at him.
    Learning that the operations were on purpose could have sent him into deep depression and anger,
    but Reagan told his girlfriend: "Hey, where did he think I lived, in my legs?"

    Beachgirl, believe me, you do not live in your hair. Awful as hair loss is, many other women
    have gone through it, including my sister and also a real close friend. Their hair grew back.
    The amputated legs won't, but even Middle East veterans who have lost those and more
    are determined not to let that beat them.

    I know we can't really feel each other's pain, but I feel as much a I can about yours,
    and so do Pandagirl and others. Maybe... just put on a cap or wig and say it's not that important.
    Hair won't grow back on a bowling ball, but will on your head.

    Some movie actresses have been in roles that required them to have all their head hair shaved off.
    They may have played wartime prisoners ofwar.Their hair all grew back.

    Maybe pretend you're Angelina Joli and have signed to do a movie requiring all your hair to be cut off.

    I hope this helps. If not, yell at me.

    Love, Walt
     
    G.R. likes this.
  6. Pandagirl

    Pandagirl Peer Supporter

    Beachgirl, have you ever listened to Claire Weekes? I think you might find it helpful!

    Here's a post from Eric that has links to her audio recordings. Give it a try!
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.

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