Day 13 Intense

Yesterday was Day 13, and my journaling ended up being very intense. I've been pretty depressed, despite summer sunshine, and it all crashed in on me as I journaled. It was a horrible meltdown with a lot of anger at myself. But even in the midst of the worst of it, I thought, "This is just more TMS. It's coming out as depression and it's trying to scare me and derail me from looking at deep stuff." So I turned to some comforting reading that calmed me and helped me feel compassion for myself.

Today, I feel much better emotionally. Even though I had some bad pain this morning, I gently kept going, it passed, and I had a good day. This evening I actually wanted to take a walk! It's still 90 degrees at 8:30, so I guess I'll just walk around my air conditioned house.

Today, day 14, was supposed to be a day off "me day", but I didn't get to do that, so I will give myself tomorrow instead.

 

Oooh, a rebel. I like it!
Glad to hear you're doing well!

 

LOL. Thanks, AngK. It was a nice, lazy, restful day. Felt good.

 

I've had moments like this too - where the stress and anger all come out and leave you feeling so debilitated. I was also then getting more angry/angsty at myself for putting myself in this position in the first place! But I think you are right in just feel it, let it go and then do something soothing and positive. Its like rewarding yourself for good behaviour! Keep with it...

 

ooh - and I was sent a link to the TMS Help forum on which Ace1 had put a great post. I printed it out and it has helped a lot with the anger etc at self.
the link is http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7765
it is in the form of 29 ways to help deal with the TMS - really helpful stuff.

 

Thanks for both of your replies, Jo (is that right?). I like that rather alien concept of "rewarding yourself for good behavior." I think I have spent a lot of my life depriving myself or even punishing myself. It's time to be nurturing.

I love Ace's list and printed it a couple of weeks ago when I discovered it on TMS Help. It's good to keep mentioning it so newcomers will see it. I wish it could be permanent part of the Wiki (Forest?).