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Inner Child

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Susan1111, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Hi All

    Can anyone recommend some good books regarding this topic. I believe in the theory of the inner child and would like to learn more. Thank you.
     
  2. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    That's a fabulous question. It's something I wanted to learn about too and asked @Andy B the very same question.

    He recommends "Soul without Shame" by "Byron Brown".

    I know both @Ellen and @Forest are very well read and may have suggestions too.

    P.s thanks Forest and Ellen.
     
  3. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Thank you so much. I will look into this book. I'm editing my reply to say that this book appears to be about an inner critic vs an inner child. The inner child I'm thinking of needs love and care.
    However the book does look interesting.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
  4. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Susan,

    For that type of work, my suggestion would be to work with a compassionate and caring psychotherapist. Inner child work is all about relationships (so much of our persistent psychological trauma is about relationships), and having a relationship with a compassionate therapist can be a powerful form of medicine. Finding a supportive and compassionate therapist to do the work with may be exactly the sort of caring action that an inner child needs.

    As a word of warning, though, I had a friend who went deep into inner child sort of work and I don't think that it helped her. She became more and more introspective and "tied up in knots." While it can be helpful to be aware of what internal "parts" such as internal child or internal parent are doing, too much attention can end up feeding these unhealthy parts. True health comes from turning outside of ourselves and finding positive things to enjoy in our lives. Over time her anxiety grew larger and larger to the point that she ended up withdrawing from this community and becoming obsessed with her anxiety about current events. I suspect she didn't take care of herself adequately and was dead within a couple of years. It makes me sad just to remember her.

    The experience with this friend informs my suggestion to work with a caring therapist who is invested in your success (and is invested in you eventually graduating from therapy). Because it is a professional relationship, therapists work hard to portray themselves as professionally as possible. I've known enough to know that a large majority are actually a bit of a mess themselves underneath. Further, one of the courses I've taught is health economics, and I'm quite convinced that some therapists can get lazy and draw out therapy far beyond what is cost effective or even healthy for the patient, who might do better if they are encouraged to verify that they are strong enough to solve their problems on their own (game theory, my specialty, models this conflict of interest quite beautifully). Yet, despite this, having an experienced and trained professional "in the room" can provide a very helpful balancing influence. Certainly, it is better than what happened to my friend.
     
  5. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Hi Forest thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I'm so very sorry about your friend.
    I recently started working with a therapist that I trust. I believe his intentions for me to be pure... live happily, pain free and independent of sessions with him.
    I am happy that I found this community with a group of people who give so generously with care and warmth.
     
  6. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi Susan,

    I find inner child work and parts therapy to be a great complement to tms work. For example, when I get a pain flare-up, I can get in touch with the part of me that is scared, worried and preoccupied with the pain. I can show that part empathy, which helps me calm down and feel more receptive to tms knowledge (e.g. the pain is not dangerous, it's only tms, etc.).

    But I second what Forest is saying. I learned how to do this type of work with a psychotherapist way back when. And more recently, since learning about tms, I found it necessary to get the support of a tms coach because I was getting stuck when working on my own.

    Soul without shame is indeed a great read. It deals with the part of us that judges and the child part that reacts to this judgement. I find it very soothing.
     
  7. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Hi Blake I'm currently working with a psychotherapist who is very caring. I'm very comfortable with him. When we speak of the child we have been speaking of me as a little girl and me as an adult making her feel safe. Are we speaking of the same thing? Although he believes whole heartily in the body mind connection he is unfamiliar with TMS. He is going to do research on order to get a better understanding.

    I see you mentioned a TMS coach that sounds interesting to me. How does it differ from therapy. I'm new to all of this. I have so many questions.
    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
     
  8. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Beloved Grand Eagle

    i find it a waste of useful energy....but a good therpist can help you explore but there is not much there that is helpful...
     
  9. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Hi Boston what is a waste of useful energy? A coach?
     
  10. blake

    blake Well known member

    Yes, that's what I'm talking about too - the adult part comforting the child. Even though it's just an image, I find it really helpful. There's something about the whole notion of a child within that needs to be loved and cared for that always fills me with so much hope. I know it's not for everyone, but it has been very useful for me in combination with Dr. Sarno's theory.

    It's great that you're comfortable with your psychotherapist and that he is willing to learn about mind-body theory. That's wonderful! It's really good to have support on this journey. The main difference for me in working with a TMS coach is that I can talk to him specificially about TMS stuff; for instance when I know I am preoccupied with the pain, we can talk about that as an issue in itself. But for the rest of the work, it's whatever comes up in any given session. I don't think it's all that different. I think what matters most is feeling that the person cares about your wellness; and it sounds like that's how you feel about your person.
     
  11. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Thank you Blake, I know he cares. I feel fortunate that I was introduced to him.

    I also find caring for the child very powerful. I want her to know she is safe and loved.
    I need to take a breath and know that I'm on the right path to recovery.
     
    blake likes this.
  12. blake

    blake Well known member

    Best of luck on your journey. You've come to the right place
     
    Susan1111 likes this.
  13. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Thank you so much I wish you the same.
    What a special place this is!
     
    blake likes this.
  14. Andy B

    Andy B Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Susan,
    I did think of this book, which I studied in depth years ago.... It explores how the child reacts to parenting, and how we live with that now. Very specific in its descriptions of various "responses" to parenting. I wish I had a book that addresses your inner work with more precision, and this might be great for you.

    http://www.amazon.com/Your-Inner-Child-Past-Missildine/dp/0671211471

    Andy B.
     
  15. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Andy thank you I will most certainly look at this book. I strongly believe that many times it's indeed our inner child that reacts not our adult selves. When people speak of hitting their button perhaps the button is the child?
     
  16. Andy B

    Andy B Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yep, the button is probably some aspect/age of the Inner Child. I have friends who, when they are reactive about something, feel they can name the age of their child inside, and what the issues in their life were at the time. It can become very fine-tuned, and helpful. And this precision/awareness can call up more empathy for the child, rather than rejection. Missildine's book does something similar in its ability to help you connect the reactivity you are having in the present moment, to specific parenting you received.
     
    Forest and Susan1111 like this.
  17. Susan1111

    Susan1111 Well known member

    Very interesting Andy how fine tuned it can become. This is a book that I will enjoy reading. If I'm seeing the link correctly it was written in 1963, I hope I don't have trouble getting a copy. I'm on vacation and will actively search once I'm home. Again much thanks.

    As for my inner child I definitely feel empathy and much love.. Perhaps she just needs to know that.
     
  18. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Beloved Grand Eagle

    Both
     
  19. Andy B

    Andy B Beloved Grand Eagle

    Beyond all the specifics, this is the most satisfying aim and experience. How wonderful to feel this, and want this, and attend...I feel good just reading these words. Thank you.
     
    Susan1111 likes this.
  20. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sometime the inner child.... Shits on us and need to know who's boss!
     

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