It's been a challenging week in my home. And then some stupid minor incident set me off on a thermal nuclear event. The next day I joked with my friend about the ole straw that broke the camel's back. (In this case, it was my teen rolling her eyes at me, for those of you wondering.) I told her how I let little things accumulate and then I throw my hissy fit. (It's especially becoming on a woman nearing 50.) "I have anger issues," I said. She said she did too. And then we laughed. This morning though it occurred to me, I DO have anger issues. Serious. Deep. Anger. I had TMS symptoms early on in my childhood but the one that really set in motion pain issue was when I saw my sister, who was dying of leukemia. My brother's schizophrenia was hugely flared. And of course, dad was drinking. I knew I needed to be strong. I was prepared. I entered her hospital room. "Your sister's here," mom said. I had taken a bus ride across the country to see her. There she was. My big sister. Mom had place a clumsy scarf over her head to hide her baldness. A "no blood draws" sign hung over her bed. Must they have written that in RED marker? My sister struggled to open her eyes but it was just too much. I recognized her only because of her one crooked tooth - a family thing- I glimpsed in her grimace to open her eyes. I was strong. I kissed her and said something stupid. The stupid stuff you say when you don't know what you say. But at least I was strong. The following day, I returned to my job, halfway across the country. It was two days later mom called. "She's dead." I was still strong. It fell to me to inform my other sister, who was working at the same place I was. I'm not sure of the exact time line but it was approximately then I experienced my first attack of sciatica. It was horrendous. And devastating because I enjoyed jogging distance. The doctor said it was no doubt do to the car accident I had had the prior September - 9 months previous(?!). I had broken vertebrae among other injuries from the accident so it was a low-hanging-fruit diagnosis for him, I'm sure. And hence started my journey into chronic pain over 30 years ago. Yeah, I have anger issues. Thanks for listening!