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Day 25 How I'm doing/apprehensions

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by hecate105, Jul 18, 2013.

  1. hecate105

    hecate105 Well known member

    I am doing well overall. My pain is consistently and mostly lowered or gone. Each time it flares I am mostly able to banish it, sometimes it can take longer - but I found even with a persistent back pain that came (echoing a bad back I had years ago) once I found the emotional cause it went!
    My apprehensions are that I cannot quite see how I can deal with all the negative emotions without repressing. How do I deal with family members that create resentment/anger/anxiety without actually shouting/dumping anger on them. It just is not possible with the present dynamics of the family (My mother is elderly/my father is dead) I need to rid myself of the toxicity of the emotions without confronting those I love? My husband is great - I can confront him about anything, and he's happy to have me vent about others. Journalling is great but I cannot just sit and write ALL the time - any suggestions??
     
  2. Anne Walker

    Anne Walker Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hecate - I have some of the same questions about about how to deal with the present day relationship stresses and the emotions they generate without repressing them. I also live next door to my 77 year old mother(who is manic depressive). I spoke with my TMS therapist about this just last week because in my attempt to really feel my emotions I have been feeling a lot more anger and if I just let it go on my husband it can really escalate into even more tension and conflict. My TMS therapist suggested in one example that I brought up with him, that I could really sit with the emotion(in this case anger at something that my husband said) and then I could play the scenario out in my head. In this sort of visualization, I could let my anger scenario play out in any way I wanted to. I could scream, get violent, it doesn't matter. I can feel it, contemplate why it makes me angry, be aware, come up with some kind of game plan or resolution for myself. I may then decide to talk to my husband about it or just having allowed myself to really feel it may be enough to let it go. I often discover that I feel more depressed and negative after talking to my mother. Now rather than just feeling hopeless and sad about it, I am beginning to go a little deeper as I sit with how I am feeling after talking to her. I realize that I want more than anything for her to be happy. This is what I have always wanted. But I cannot cure her depression, only she can. Somehow I have always felt responsible for her and this responsibility is only increasing as she gets older. I feel great sadness and I am sure buried deep down intense anger that I haven't been able to make her happy. I can't change this situation and it may be a long time before I can have a lengthy conversation with her without feeling a little down afterward, but I think developing awareness of why I feel the way I do, being forgiving toward myself and most importantly accepting and allowing myself to feel the emotion fully, is helping. Hope this helps.
     
    Maribel and Lilibet like this.
  3. Lilibet

    Lilibet Peer Supporter

    Thank your TMS therapist for me Anne. This is really helpful! Thank you for posting. :)
     
  4. hecate105

    hecate105 Well known member

    Thank you Anne, this is really helpful. I too have issues with my Mother, but also just want her to be happy. Its very hard to be helpful and supportive when I am so angry at her for past stuff as well as sad that she cannot allow herself to be happy now. I try and remember that she will have lots of 'stuff' from her life too, which I have probably added to over the years! I will try your suggestion...
     
  5. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    I thought I would post Monte Hueftle's "Sitting with Emotions," which he posted on tmshelp.com, as it seems appropriate here. I have found it very useful during my own recovery.

    How do we sit with and be with our emotions? First, understand, most of us don’t know how to be with our emotions because we don’t want to experience any discomfort. Yet our emotional pain, anger and fear are the most transformational opportunities that are presented to us!

    Sitting With Emotions
    First, we choose to be with whatever we are feeling emotionally (forget the physical TMS pain or symptom) and we shut-off our voices. This means we don't question, investigate or justify why we feel this way. Instead we make the choice to genuinely be with our anxiousness, boredom, sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, resentment, worry, etc. There is no need to identify a feeling or emotion. This requires we think and question and gives us a way to avoid just being with the feeling. One of the powerful subtleties to this practice is that you just have to sit and be with your emotion and be nowhere else. No mind, no voices. You don’t have to analyze or comprehend anything. In the beginning, this will most likely be uncomfortable, so our work here is to be with the feeling and the uncomfortable-ness. Most of our life we try to make ourselves comfortable and if life’s not comfortable we try and fix it. We are not going to do that here. We are simply being present with an emotion. We don't have to name it or identify it. We use our breath to keep us present, we stop the voices trying to distract us, if they come we dismiss them, if we feel uncomfortable we stay there with that feeling.

    How long do I do this? Stay with the feeling and be with the uncomfortable-ness until you experience or feel a shift in your body.You will notice the tension or intensity of the emotion has dissipated and theuncomfortable-ness has lessened significantly. You will also notice that the compulsion or the intensity to revert back into your dominant Type A pattern, which is causing most of your TMS problems, has also dissipated. This is a significant side benefit to this practice. You not only dissipate the stored emotional energy that has been creating inner tension but you also dissipate the cause of all of this!

    When do I do this? Ideally it is a spontaneous choice that you make when you check in with yourself as a part of Think Psychological. You may recognize that you are in one of your Type A Patterns and you ask yourself what/how am I feeling. If there is a feeling present: anxiousness, sadness, frustration, anger, guilt, resentment, worry, anxiety. Or maybe something is there but you can't name it, which is fine. You call time-out and choose to be with the emotion. This is the challenging part. Making the choice to be with the emotion and nowhere else. No email or phone call is more important right now, no household chore, errand or other personal agenda item is as important as right now in the moment to make the choice and be with your emotion. Your mind, the repressing or distraction agent will be very creative and persuasive in coming up with ideas to help you avoid being with your emotion! Dismiss these ideas, quiet these voices and choose to remain with your emotion.
    If it really is impossible because of your surroundings then the next best option is to journal about it later and when the feeling comes back as you are journaling about it, call time-out and be with the emotion.

    1. Have it your intention to be mindful of your emotions. Be genuinely interested in how you are feeling.
    2. Acknowledge to yourself how you are feeling. I feel and state how you feel. It could be angry, sad, lonely, depressed, bored, frustrated, anxious, scattered, or guilty. Do not allow yourself off the hook by saying I don't know what I feel. This isn’t about naming or identifying an emotion it is about being with what you feel. It is about allowing your emotional energy to be experienced!
    3. Be present with whatever you are feeling. Take a few deep mindful breaths and stay out of thinking and be with whatever feeling is present within you.
    4. As you are being with your feeling, resist the urge to avoid or deny it. It is going to come as a thought like: I don'thave time do this right now, I need to get back to work, or I think I will search on the internet, or I think I will call a friend or I think I will get something to eat, or I think I will read about this again and then try it tonight. These voices are trying to sabotage you so recognize this and dismiss them. This is the uncomfortable part of this practice. Be with the feeling and be with the uncomfortable-ness and do not allow yourself to slip away into thought.
    5. As you stay with the emotion, whatever feeling is there, keep breathing into it and being present with it. Avoid the need to analyze it, judge it, find blame or negotiate with it. Stop any of the reasoning stuff and be with your feeling.
    6. That's it. When the uncomfortable-ness is gone you are done. A final suggestion to help make this effective and efficient. Don't look for the payoff or reward. No agenda and no timeframe. When you let go of any expectation and incorporate this practice as a genuine way of being open and allowing with your emotions you will experience positive progress and the transformation has begun!

    Repressed emotional energy is the main ingredient causing inner tension in TMS. Sitting with Emotions is one of the most transformative practices in effectively releasing repressed emotional energy. This mindful practice requires we be in the present moment.

    Your healing power is in the Now and your ability to heal from and reverse TMS is greatly enhanced in the present moment.

    Stay the Course,

    Monte Hueftle
     
  6. Maribel

    Maribel New Member

    My mum has parkinson - we barely talk - actually now I realize that through out my life we barely talked about life issues!
     

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