I have TMS only when I run. I love running. I have been a runner my whole life. I've been working through the structured recovery program and I'm on day 6 - 7 now. I've also been reading and working through Alan's pain recovery program. I know that I can do it and I know that it will work. There are a few things that are not working in my favour. I'm registered for the Boston marathon that's in April of this year. So of course I want to do well. I qualified for it last year but could not train - too much TMS pain kept me from running. Unfortunately I could not go. I know now that it was TMS pain, I didn't know it then. I'm putting pressure on myself to "fix" the pain that I have now so I can run Boston. Also my husband isn't entirely supportive of the fact that I have TMS, he doesn't want me to hurt myself while I'm running so I'm not in the same boat again and have to cancel my trip to Boston. When we talk about it he says that we will just go and if I have to walk it so be it, but whenever I do run and it hurts he always wants to know why I'm running anyway if it hurts. So I have pressure from him not to run. In the past month or so I have had PF, achilles tendonitis and some strange knee pain all at the same time. None of it is real. It comes and goes, is there for some of the times that I run and then not others. The PF was the worst followed by the achilles pain, then the knee pain. When I told myself my feet were fine, the achilles pain stopped altogether. The PF pain subsided when I stopped caring about it. Now this pain in my knee is so excruciating when I run. It comes and goes and moves around. I know that it is TMS pain because I had exactly the same thing happen at the same time last year, when I didn't know I had TMS. MRI showed nothing, physios could find nothing, chiropractor found nothing. They said I had tendonitis, tight muscles, some imbalances and gave me some stretches, exercises, and did some therapy. It went away finally on its own after several months, probably because I just got frustrated and tired of it hurting and I really wanted to run again. I did 10k yesterday morning and it hurt so much that I wanted to stop but I kept going. Eventually it subsided later on in the run but it was very hard for me to keep going and tell myself that there is nothing wrong with me. I was so tense trying to run and trying to feel the pain objectively and without fear. I will try again in the next few days but the fact that I'm afraid will probably bring it on again. It's so hard to tell myself there's nothing wrong when I'm in so much pain. The only thing I have is that it doesn't hurt me when I'm sitting here, and it didn't hurt when I was jumping up and down and dancing earlier this evening with my daughter. I have done some journalling and that was very difficult also. I wrote about a very difficult time in my life when I was 14-18 years old. I had an older abusive boyfriend who physically and verbally abused me. I know that there was physical abuse but I can not remember any specific details. All that I can recall was some of the mental abuse. After I journaled about this time I cried for a long time, remembering the feeling of being a small scared, cowering girl that was trying to hide. It was something that I never wanted to write about or even think about again. This is going to be a rough ride. I know that I will come out of it better at the end but at this point I feel like there are so many things stacked up against me.