Goodist , Grudes, and Repressions

We can be grateful and do things for other people, not that the goodist isn't a plus for your personality. Its who you are so hold onto that love feeling, it has your energy there.
I remember I just didn't know how to say no , it takes breaking the habit by first doing it for once, then saying no again and again on purpose. I know easier said than done.

Till you break the guilty feeling that always sinks in after you say no, in other words we've made a habit of saying yes with an emotion attacked to it. Keep all your promises, just don't make promises that you know you shouldnt .

How to break the old habit? I said I wasn't going to do something's a thousand times. id usually pay the price by getting mad at myself. This sentence again was my repression at the time.
I didn't know it cause I love to give but theres a difference in being took advantage of ya know. Then I learned easier styles to control the habit and turn the condition around. Its in our nature to be goodist and going against this grain was one of the hardest things I had to do
I loved to give, still do and always will give.

In family situations it was always hard not to give too much, that's the jig ... we cant see ourselves saying no. If ya want to know where most your repressions are, Go to a family reunion. This was one of my repression thoughts... it also made me a good friend to people, so help, help , help.

Giving now that I learned how to give of my time is a special energy from all around me.
In the past I thought it was ok to kick myself when I made subconscious mistakes because I was programmed with habit....this was a repression.

I cant hold a grudge cause that's repression and if I let it out I have to sooth with meditation
and now this is cool cause I meditate daily but the rage can get so strong that at times the meditation might not help. I know theres hope there cause I do it , meditation; but sometimes things get to hard and over whelming if the meditation isn't done daily, which often as humans we might skip a day or two of any soothing experience. I think we can benefit from mindfulness and other styles of meditation.

We need be grateful and do things for other people, again that's where our energy lies. Want to know whats bothering you and you don't know? Go give something away to someone who really needs it, youll feel that loving feeling, but sometimes we give into the bad part of the goodist side.

Just didn't know how to say no, till you break the guilty feeling that always sinks in after you say no, in other words weve made a habit of saying yes and now we have to make a new habit
to break the old habit. Its the only way I really know. Id wondered how and said I wasn't going to do it a thousand times. Then id give in and pay the price for it by getting mad at myself....this sentence again was my repression at the time. I didn't know it cause I love give....then I learned easier styles to control the habit and turn the condition around.

I had to learn to quit thinking the walls were going to fall down if I said no and others were going to hate me for it but I had help from my faith, some neuro linguistic programming, and TMS healing.

I really started to feel a lot better about this new found power to say no. Now go and on purpose just say no about favors about ten or twenty times in a month or two and youll get the hang of it, but only to the situations you feel a burning need to say no to, hope this helps.

This is not about hurting others, its about not hurting yourself any longer.
What is good is after you just do it on purpose a dozen times , youll start to feel better about yourself for standing up to yourself and others. Then when you give youll be more truly grateful and feel stronger with new energy to say Yes to life.
Each repression we break brings us closer to healing.

 

This is such an essential post and I completely relate to all you say my dear. Around 2 or 3 years ago, I realised I simply couldn't juggle all the emotional demands made of me, which I took on and endlessly renewed. I had poor boundaries and a terrible time asserting myself. Many times it overwhelmed me, leading to much anger and resentment. I dread to think what bubbled below the surface.

Then, one day while sorting through some old books I found 'A Woman in Your Own Right' by Anne Dickson. I read it again with fresh eyes and this time I was ready to learn about clear and honest communication.

As you say Eric, it is so hard at first and the guilt left me feeling like such a meanie but gradually it got much easier. I was also able to broach difficult subjects with people and resolve long standing issues. I don't know if challenging situations ever get easier and maybe it is a good thing that they don't. A deeply empathic heart will always guard against causing unnecessary pain, however sometimes you need to protect your own heart first. Once you realise that there is no malicious intent behind saying 'No', and that it is a skill and mark of maturity, your self-respect grows, and I think people respect your strength too.

Eric, I'm hooked on your words. For people like us who give, who care, who love lavishly, it is so important to recover our instincts, to take time and space when needed so that we may replenish, and to complement our evolution with mindful practice. I'm not quite as disciplined as you in that my practice is not yet daily but it is regular and is increasingly becoming a ritual I favour after working out. I just love the balance of healthy physical exhaustion and spiritual replenishment. Meditation is a weave of gold through the fabric of my life.

Love to you and prayers that you are well.

 

you heard my words perfect they painted pictures
you know the meaning in words I cant color
your chi and energy flow will carry you through to completion
so know that these feelings touch us and we prevail by the law of habit
just hold on and feel the excitement when it is accomplished
then youll have the rest of your
life to cherish always
youre style is for you- your already a star, just open your eyes and smile

 

I think this is the heart of what drives goodism, or rather, the "bad side" of goodism. This is the hurdle that is so difficult to go over. It is terrifying to start saying no, to start breaking the habit, to start asserting yourself when nearly all your life you haven't. I'm still struggling to overcome this hurdle. There are certainly moments I can say no, and stand up for myself, but there are still moments I simply cannot because I am too scared. I think the reason for that is that there's a larger perceived consequence of not giving into the goodism. In certain situations, saying no doesn't just create the possibility that there will be some terrible argument, or make me feel guilty for days, or ruin a relationship. Sometimes, I fear that saying no creates the possibility that I will become unlovable. I think that the fear of not doing a goodist behavior has an incredibly strong pull on us. It seems to me, you have to overcome, or at least address, the fear of not doing that goodist behavior first in order to overcome the goodism.

 

Yes, I completely agree, that's why I say do it like 10 or 20 times.
Not to hurt others, just in those situations that you feel you need to,
but just seem not able to cause of preconceived thoughts; as you said.
Im an all around Goodist and I love to help and say yes.
Some of my yeses have turned into burdens,
those burdens turned into stress and you know the rest of the story.

When the time is upon any given individual goodist they know when the time is ripe to say no.
Its almost like public speaking or even worse to say no for some people, it was for me.
I remember when I got up and spoke in front of that crowd of 200 people for 1 hour.
I felt liberated, a new found power as I said on the radio show Tuesday night.

A new found power, to empower ourselves to get to the next level in truly loving ourselves.
If we really love ourselves we will give our selves some time off to relax and heal from our insecurities.
Us goodist are almost like Jim Carrie in liar- liar, he just couldn't tell a lie, that's not the part-
The part im talking about is he couldn't say no or that might be another film.

Anyhow the struggle he went through after saying yes so many times was killing him.
That's how we show ourselves no compassion- when we would any other time but were already
booked and then were confronted with a friend that needs this big favor and were torn between who are we going to let down.
Its still hard for me even though I've surpassed so much I still have a burden when I have to say no
but it turns into a smile when I think of all the torture id went through with the inner bully after wards.
Were good people - we help and we don't give up- thats why people trust us and ask for our help.
Its a blessing to be a goodist that has to be balanced in order for us to have true self compassion
so we can learn to love others and ourselves more.

I have to admit, ill go out of my way to help a fly in distress if I have too.
Its our power - our essence as stated above. Don't change who we are.
We were born to be Peacemakers and helpers of people, we just have to work on that balance ya know