It seems that one of my fears is asking for help, or maybe it's admitting to myself, recognizing, that I need it. Either way, the pattern with that fear is that somehow I miss all the signals and just keep pushing on (guess this is where the repressing comes in) until I'm deep in a hole. Any time it happens I can always identify tons of signals in hindsight but I don't see them as they flash initially. So, here I am again, in a hole. The physical symptoms are flaring complete with some sort of respiratory/sinus thing and a hormonal rollercoaster, the Depression is strong, the anxiety is high, and I can't see out. More accurately I guess would be to say that I can't see in...I cannot see what is going on inside me that is requiring all these "protective measures" from my brain. Fortunately I can see them as protective measures (to an extent), but this is a pattern that I feel must change if I'm going to heal. So, this is me facing my fear big time and attempting to change this pattern. Not only do I very rarely ever ask for help, I'm not sure I've ever done it when I didn't actually know what I was wanting help with. I desperately want help, support, encouragement, any thoughts anyone might have as to what I'm not seeing.