Day 3 - Past traumatic events/experiences

I'm half laughing because it's suggested we list two or three events from our childhood which causes us fear, pain, anger. Well, without any strain at all, I could fill all 15 slots on that TMI list. Really, what an f-ed up childhood I had. Not when you looked at it from the outside, but behind the closed doors - where all the bad things happened.

I used to live in such fear that friends would discover how flawed I was, and the reason I believed I was flawed is because I was a magnet for pedophiles. Great uncles, second cousins, step-father. Most every man who had contact with me also used me for his perverted pleasures.

Have I known that those experiences have influenced every bit of my life? Sure. Did I really think they could affect my health? Nah, I really didn't.

There are so many connections being made so rapidly since beginning this program - I'm amazed at how open I am to the realities and how accepting I am of the truths.

All those defenses I built up; all the fear, pain, rejection, confusion; all the doomed relationships; the surgeries for pain, the narcotics, the NSAIDS, the creams and ointments. It's not about anything physical. It's about my heart and my soul, and how they were stolen from me. Recovery is about honoring my triumphs and internalizing the reality that I can't be hurt anymore.

This is monumental. This is coming at just the right time. This is my cure.

 

You might want to take a look at the story of Helen that Dr Sarno recounts in Healing Back Pain. Dr Sarno says he has found that the most intractable cases of TMS occur in patients who were sexually molested in childhood; they have the largest reservoirs of repressed anger (i.e. rage), making TMS pain that much more necessary as a diversion from emotions they'd rather not confronted directly.

You mention "beginning this program". Do you mean the SEP available on the TMS Wiki? You might also want to take a look at Alan Gordon's recovery program. Alan is very good at identifying the point in a patient's narrative where repressed emotions start to bubble up to the surface.

I'm sure you'll make it and get better. It sounds as though you've already begun to solve the puzzle on your own.

BruceMC

 

You are a very brave and courageous woman. I wish you nothing but great peace and grace as you walk through this journey to wholeness. Hugs!

 

You are so right, dear Cherylie. It all feels like truth because it is. TMS healing is the real thing--the real cure. It's such a relief to those of us who have tried everything else and been disappointed. But it is still hard and sometimes two steps forward, one step back.

Good luck with your journey.

 

Wow. You brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

 

I.... think I'm doing the multi-day online "workbook" of reading and journaling. Is that the SEP? I must admit, it's easy to lose my way in the interlinked (no complaint about that - it's great) pages.

I have on order three books, all of which I expect to arrive this week, one of which is Healing Back Pain. I will go directly to your reference as it likely will be spot on for me. Thank you.

 

Yes, the SEP is the 37-day structured education program available on the left hand side of the first page of the TMS Wiki. A lot of different techniques for getting in touch with your buried emotions. Dr Sarno's Healing Back Pain, in the opinion of many, is the best single-source introduction to TMS and TMS theory. It bears many re-readings as your level of knowledge about TMS expands and deepens. Many things that you gloss over when you first pour through HBP become more obvious as your recovery continues. I think it goes part-and-parcel with the TMS personality to try to work your way out of your condition by reading all the books and doing all the recovery programs. It takes a while though before you slow up enough to start doing the real "Work" of calming your emotions down enough to start really healing your brain's neurochemistry. All the new information you're trying to assimilate is a bit overwhelming at first, but the actual healing process itself is surprisingly simple once you "get it". When you first start confronting your buried emotions, you may find that you become anxious. That was the first thing I noticed on about Day-3 of the SEP: a strange new feeling that I later realized was anxiety, which is another replacement for emotions that you might not want to feel directly. But we're all here to help you with that, individually and collectively.

Glad to be of service and help with your TMS recovery!

BruceMC

 

Bruce, that's some great wisdom. And yeah, like you, Cherylie, I've been tearing through books left and write....just like any good TMS'er. And I am learning the truth of what Bruce is saying as well as other things that Herbie said to me in another post. The pieces are falling into place and I have growing anticipation of a happy pain free life. Oh, overall I'm of a happy disposition (ha, another TMS thing, eh? Smile even when you're bleeding inside) but there's a change taking place that I'm loving. (Not so sure my hubby's loving it as much as I'm a lot more quick to air my grievances. But he's a good guy and very supportive.)

I didn't mean to make you cry Cherylie but I know they were good tears. You are loved!

 

"When you first start confronting your buried emotions, you may find that you become anxious. That was the first thing I noticed on about Day-3 of the SEP: a strange new feeling that I later realized was anxiety, which is another replacement for emotions that you might not want to feel directly."

Do you have some sort of mind reading thingy in the back of your closet, BruceMC? My GOD! I've had increased hot flashes (ah, it's grand to be a woman of that certain age), heart palpitations, indigestion (I've got a cast iron gut), and Sweetie has been asking if everything is all right.


Cha-cha-cha-changes...

 

Cheylie, I too have been enjoying the final hormone hurrahs. What a trip. I strongly dislike the long and cold winters here but the silver lining of late is I can step outside and have immediate relief from hot flashes.