Day 8 Day 08

Day 08

I am superexcited for the journey. The course is very intersting, and I am just sucking in all of the information that is presented. Unfortunately my pain has increased significantly. I guess this is my bodies way of trying to make me think more of the pain and for my fears to rise. Probably it's my body fighting the suppressed emotions that I am digging in to. It's hard to not feel doubt when the pain increases, but I am trying to not let myself get carried away. Would be interesting to hear if other people have had the same experience and if so, have did you cope?

 

Hi Adde, I didn't follow any particular course so I can't speak to that. But on my second day of writing (journaling) I tried to do what some of the materials suggest about writing, "I am angry about _____." I didn't really think I was angry about anything but after I wrote down three things my heart started pounding fiercely and was beating all weird and irregularly. It was so bad that I threw my notebook down and said out loud (even though I was the only person in the room), "I rather have my symptoms than this!"
The next day I decided to just write free form and get to my deep emotions in my own way. I think I started the next day's writing with, "That was weird!" (about the heart racing) and I explored a little about that. In just a few days my pain symptoms went away, my urge to check myself (physically) went away, my need to "research" or "symptom search" went away.

It makes sense that at the outset your brain (the part that is trying to keep you down to "protect" you) would give one last ditch effort to keep you down. But here's the thing --- YOU have the power to not stay down. You are in control of your legs and your arms and your decisions and choices. That lower part of brain is scared right now that you are going to get up and live your life. It wants to stay and hide. It's exacerbating your symptoms. Once it realizes that you understand what's going on and that you are not going back it loses all its power, quiets down and goes away.

 

I did experience a significant rise in pain and anxiety. For myself, I slowed the process down, doing the reading or video watching one day, writing the next day and on the third day I used the bottom section that asks you to think about something as another written assignment. I added in either meditation or somatic tracking daily, a slow walk for as long as I could manage and s lot of mindfulness and self awareness. I think when you are in such s heightened state you need to figure out your own best way to calm your nervous system and really let your brain know you are safe and fine. It took quite some time for me to see a reduction in many symptoms, and only recently a reduction in pain. I had to learn to stop the timelines snd frustrations and just be ok with where I am at snd not to worry if my healing does not meet the expectations of others.

 

Thanks for your comment. This was actually really helpful and gave me some ideas. The tasks and deadlines can sometimes be very stressful itself and create new anxiety. So dividing it like you seems interesting. Still balance is important, and I want this to be my first priority no matter how full the day is. As you say, reminding myself of being ok here and now is the key.

 

Interesting indeed. The writing is so fulfilling but in the same time so overwhelming. Thank you for your input.