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Communication issues and anger

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by JoshG, Nov 2, 2013.

  1. JoshG

    JoshG New Member

    I started into this a little over a month ago, started a journal and something started to take shape. I noticed a pattern about not speaking up. I'll know something is wrong and I wont say anything about it until I can't take it any more, snap and chew someone out. Last week I kinda freaked out on my roommate and this week I let loose on a co-worker. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really know how to express myself upfront. I just realized a deeper layer of how much I keep my mouth shut and don't say any thing until I blow-up or get paralyzing sciatica.
    It gets old dealing with certain people. Reading about Non violent communication has not really helped either.
     
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Josh, that can be a tough one to deal with. If we hold ourselves in check when someone bugs us, we build up frustration and anger in ourselves. Roommates can be a problem. I could write a book about the good and bad roommates I've had. One guy had a friend who kept coming over to our apartment and drank our beer and tossed the empty cans on the floor. I got mad at him and told him if he didn't leave and stop coming back, I'd throw him down the stairs. We lived on the fourth floor. He got the message.

    I guess if someone needs telling off, we need to take a walk, go into the bathroom, take some deep breaths, and then come back and ask if you can talk things out. If you keep quiet too much and things build up, no wonder you get sciatica.

    Sometimes we get tired of trying to get on the same wavelength as others. It may wind up deciding if maybe it's best to end the relationship. If you have to keep giving in to satisfy the other person, is it worth the friendship or romance?
     
  3. Gigalos

    Gigalos Well known member

    ah, roommates, having lived in several student homes I can write a book about it. There were two categories, the ones who you could reason with and the ones that were plain a-holes that only took care of their own needs without any regard to others. To deal with that last category of people you needed either aggression or retaliation. Did you know that 1 in 20 people is a true asshole?? I guess they have their place in evolution, we have to deal with them however.
    There is a difference between outing your emotions against the ones who are really responsible for them and outing them against the people who just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time or are simply easy subjects to project anger on.
    The thing to find out is which of the two is applicable to you. When you are annoyed by someone, try to out that emotion right away. It will be less intense and it is healthier. You can always apologize later if you feel you went a bit too far.
    Thanks for bringing this up, I sensed tension when I thought about certain people from the past.
    Dumping your wet laundry on the dirty floor because an a-hole felt like doing his, sometimes even when the cycle wasn't even finished. - I forgive and let go easily.
    Not doing the washing up so the next day there was nothing available to cook with. - I forgive and let go easily
    Turning the stereo to 11 and then leaving the house - I forgive and let go easily
    Noticing your pizza, the only thing left in the house to eat for you that night, had been eaten by your lazy roommate who didn't feel like going to the shop - I forgive and let go easily.
    Co-students during a project that were doing the least possible amount of work and getting the highest grade. - I forgive and let go easily.
    C0-students not showing up during a project whenever they felt like it and not even apologizing for it. - I forgive and let go easily.
    Noticing stuff you were missing and that you asked several times for was lying around in their room - I forgive and let go easily.
    Coming back home after two weeks of summer holiday, in a house that reeks of garbage because your roommate, who never did anything anyway, felt it wasn't his responsibility to bring out the trash. - I forgive and let go easily.
    I can go on and on... :) One of those assholes is still a friend, great guy, you just don't want to live with him in one house. Others I have never seen again, not to my regret.
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    You forgive and let go easily most of the time. That's very healthy.
    The roommates I didn't like or get along with were few. And I forgot them quickly.

    Helen Hayes and the playwright Charles MacArthur were married but kept separate apartments
    in New York. They ate and talked and slept together when they both felt like it. It made for
    a happy marriage.
     
    beachygirl likes this.

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