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calling all perfectionists

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Leslie, Apr 3, 2013.

  1. Leslie

    Leslie Well known member

    This interview link is part of the Self-Acceptance project being done by Sounds True. I found it to be very helpful and powerful for my own shame prone personality. Before I watched it and learned the difference between shame and guilt, I thought it was consumed by guilt - turns out it's been shame all along. Around minute 29 Brene Brown makes some correlations between perfectionism and shame that really opened my eyes.

     
    JanAtheCPA, gailnyc and cherrybomb like this.
  2. cherrybomb

    cherrybomb Peer Supporter

    heard lots of good stuff about this
     
  3. cherrybomb

    cherrybomb Peer Supporter

    do you have a link so i can share this pls?
     
  4. Karen

    Karen Peer Supporter

    Leslie, I think I may watch this about 100 more times until I get this totally in my head and heart. I am blown way. I am in great pain again tonight and I am sooooooo glad I sat here and listened to this. I can relate so much. She explains the difference between shame and guilt like I've never heard it before. I am definitely seeing a 'flicker' of light again tonight and also know where this huge 'flare-up' came from again today because of listening to this wonderful video... Thank you so much for posting this.

    Tomorrow, I will phone a friend and say, ''I am sorry that I can't do that for you on Friday because I am not well right now''....and I DON"T have to feel 'shame' or guilt because there is NO NEED to feel guilty when you are sick!!!!! Damn that was good. I stressed about that phone call allllll day!! I wanna take care of me right now without feeling all the freakin' guilt!! It is time to be able to say a loving 'no' again!!

    P.S. Boy, did I EVER hear what she said about perfectionism!! I may not even comb my hair tomorrow on my vacation!! I may even stay in my housecoat allllllll day!!! Lol
    Maybe, I won't even do any cleaning tomorrow!!!!:eek::p:D
    Hug!
    Karen
     
    Shabda-girl and JanAtheCPA like this.
  5. Leslie

    Leslie Well known member

    Each time I try to paste the actual link it automatically updates to the video screen. The link for website itself is http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/, if you scroll to the bottom you can register to view all the interviews for free. I've only gotten 2 emails (in 3 weeks) from them so far advertising things that are for sale so they don't abuse your email address. The videos have been wonderful. The one I added here is one of my favorites so far. I really learned a lot from this one, and also from the 4th one in the series. There was also one in the series that talked about emotions in ways I've never considered them. I believe the interviewee referred to things like anger and fear as wonderful, fabulous, lovely emotions and when she went on to actually define them, the adjectives fit.
     
    cherrybomb likes this.
  6. gailnyc

    gailnyc Well known member

    You know how she says that if her daughter did something like that (sending an errant email) she would never say, "You're an idiot! What a stupid thing to do!" but she says it to herself?

    My mother DID say that sort of thing to me. All the time.
     
  7. Leslie

    Leslie Well known member

    Mine too, and we wonder why we're so very good at beating ourselves - we've had incredible training!
     
    gailnyc likes this.
  8. Sheree

    Sheree Well known member

    Thanks Leslie for the link. It also helped me a lot. Brene has a couple of videos covering the same topics on the TED talks you might like.
     
  9. Dear Lianne

    Dear Lianne Peer Supporter

    Hi Leslie,

    I watched this video, and like Karen, had never considered the significant difference between guilt and shame as described by Dr. Brene - her presentation about "shame" really made an impact. Shame is much more of a "divider" in the sense that one feels self-blame and puts down their own person, while guilt is more about questioning the behavior participated in, rather than blaming oneself as an individual. I never viewed guilt as a positive way for coping but now the good professor stoked the fire within me - her "new" insights made me think about the negative impact shame could have on us all as human beings. Thanks for sharing this Acceptance Project video. As I watched her I thought she must be an excellent social worker and professor :) Her statements are so simple and straightforward sprinkled with metaphors and examples that clearly drive her point. The interviewer did an excellent job as well, asking the exact question needed at the right interval - obviously an experienced interviewer :) Good post!
     
    gailnyc and veronica73 like this.
  10. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree, but in fact I explored their products when I received one of their emails and ended up purchasing "Change Your Brain" with Rick Hanson & Dr. Mendius, which I am finding very encouraging for my current issues with anxiety and stress. They publish Peter Levine (Waking the Tiger, etc.) among many other wonderful authors and practitioners.
     
  11. Maggie

    Maggie New Member

    I only recently discovered this project and all the videos thanks to you all. They have made such a difference to me and I recommend them wherever I can. I especially loved Session 6 with Karla McLaren who talks about the problems with empathy. I have always considered myself empathetic but never saw it as anything potentially negative before.
     
  12. cherrybomb

    cherrybomb Peer Supporter

    thanks x
     
  13. cherrybomb

    cherrybomb Peer Supporter

    the shame it is what struck me ive been trying to share little things this week that i felt super embarassed by but would never have shared before and its getting easier :)
     
    Leslie likes this.

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