Day 8 Bit behind but still journaling

The talk about my failures with women has been quite upsetting. The deep-rooted emotions I have to keep bottling up to get over people are still in there and writing about them fills me with sadness. There is hope that all these experiences have been learning ones and a successful relationship is waiting for me around the corner.

 

@hamstermad101, what I'm getting from your post is a negative self-image. You're subtly beating yourself up by concentrating on "failures", and you are allowing sadness to cover up the fact that there's undoubtedly something deeper going on, something closer to rage, perhaps related to isolation, perhaps even related to abandonment.

I believe that our ability to have successful adult relationships is 100% connected to our childhood relationships. If your writing is focused on current frustrations and disappointments, you are just paddling in the shallows: you aren't taking the risks necessary to go deep enough or back far enough.

You are also counting on "learning experiences" to change your future. To be successful in adult relationships, you must know in your heart that you are a desirable companion - and I'm not sure you're there.

In order to recover from TMS symptoms, I've always felt that it's essential to know, in our hearts, that we deserve to recover. Self-compassion and self-love are vital to doing this work.

The title of this post is about journaling, and I do have some specific advice about that. The SEP asks often that we make lists on a certain topic or from a period of our lives. As you make your list in each exercise, really pay attention to your inner critical voice, and notice how often you think of something, and your brain immediately shuts it down and prevents you from putting it down on the paper.

The excuses I could literally sense from my brain were "Oh, no, that's too embarrassing, (shameful, guilt-inducing, painful) and it's probably not all that important, so it's okay to skip it."

Nuh-uh!

I had to force myself (literally - it was not easy) to write those things down anyway, and then I had to make sure that I chose those things to examine more closely. They weren't earth-shattering (they were typical of the many ways in which childhood interactions can leave us feeling isolated due to shame or other emotions) but they were very revealing - and ultimately freeing to have them out in the open and examined from an adult point of view, with self-acceptance and compassion. NOTE: they call it journaling, but you don't have to keep a formal journal. I have always used crappy old notebook paper and scribbled illegibly - and tossed it when the paper was full.

Take the risk, and go deep. It's the only way.

~Jan

Caveat: there are individuals who suffer greatly as a result of dysfunctional and damaging childhoods, and their brains typically do a really skillful job, very early on, of repressing the associated emotions behind extremely resistant barriers. Severe anxiety, OCD, and depression are often the result, in addition to physical symptoms. This level of adult dysfunction is often more than the individual can process with simple TMS techniques, and therapeutic intervention is ultimately required to achieve relief.