Banged My Head And Relapsed

I've had TMS my whole life, since childhood. In 2014, I had a chronic headache on and off (mostly ON) for a year following an emotionally traumatic trip with triggering family members and all hell breaking loose in my subconscious mind. The trip basically unearthed years of repressed rage, but since I am a classic Superego/Superman/Perfectionist/Goodist, my body created pain instead of me feeling emotions or expressing my anger. From 2014-2015, I saw every kind of doc imaginable and had CT scans and all kinds of other tests that ruled out anything physical, and I finally discovered Sarno's work, and saw a TMS doc (Dr. Schechter) who confirmed TMS, 100%. The headache vanished and became chronic shoulder and neck pain which FINALLY got much better after I insisted on an MRI of my neck, which was perfectly normal. It returned a few months later and comes and goes now. For the last few months, my physical symptoms have lessened. I have felt a LOT of depression and anxiety, but far fewer physical symptoms. About a week ago, I banged my head into the corner of an open cabinet. Didn't black out, but had a bit of a bump on my head for a day or so, and a headache. Right after I banged my head, a MOUNTAIN of anger came up. I screamed and cussed and broke a paper towel holder and felt SO angry. I told myself to calm down and relax and called my doc and he said I was probably fine, but watch out for signs of concussion...things like severe nausea or vomiting, cognition problems, sudden sleepiness, etc. I was ok, but a little queasy the next day or two. I then went to "Dr. Google" and convinced myself that I had a concussion, and probably internal brain bleeding. I am a SEVERE hypochondriac, to say the least. To go back to 2014, I had a misdiagnosis (later rectified) that I had hydrocephalus, which turned out to be all wrong, and ruled out by neurologist. Since my banging my head, I went to see my doc, and he gave me a full neurological exam (normal), told me that yes, I might have a mild concussion, and just to take it easy and not worry, my body will heal. I have had even more nausea and headache since my doc told me I might have a concussion, despite it passing for a day or so, it has now returned. I am terribly, terribly anxious, and I feel like I have a TON of emotion under the surface. I cried a bit today, and the headache and nausea IMMEDIATELY disappeared.

Is this TMS again? My head feels EXACTLY the same headache, in EXACTLY the same spot where I had my YEAR long headache in 2014. It doesn't even hurt exactly where I banged it, but where it hurt in 2014? Like somehow my body remembers the TMS pain I had before, and it is repeating itself to frighten me. It's working. I am frightened.

WHY, even though I know that I have TMS, do I keep scaring myself and telling myself that I am dying? I am Catastrophizing. I know this, yet I persist in doing it, like a habit.

I sound like a crazy person, has anyone else with TMS every felt like they were LOSING their mind? Is Catastrophizing a frequent TMS trait?

Also, my head DOES hurt, and I may very well have a mild concussion. But why, even after having my doctor tell me that I am going to be fine, do I think I am dying? My doctor told me that because my neuro exam was normal, and that I had no black out or vomiting, even if I have a concussion, it is very mild, and will heal. Yet I fear the worst! Any help is appreciated. I feel like a nut job.

 

Hey Donavan, long time no "talk". I'm sorry you're going through this after your successes earlier this year.

One thing that struck me right away was this:

which means that your brain was more than ready to find a new way to distract you with physical symptoms again...et voila - a bang on the head, perfect!

You already know the answer:

...and now you are exactly where your primitive fearful brain wants you to be - frightened, worried, and constantly watching out for danger. Your physical survival is the only thing your brain cares about, and being worried and frightened is the only thing it thinks will guarantee that survival. Your primitive brain is, after all, still living in a very primitive world - one that bears no relationship at all to today's modern world, and its survival mechanisms don't make sense in today's world.

Oh my, someone on today's chat asked exactly the same questions! The answers are Yes! and Yes! Especially the catastrophizing - although I have to say that this particular trait mostly belongs to those of us who are anxiety hogs.

I hope this helps a bit,

~Jan

 

It must have been bang your head week. I banged mine on the partially open hatch door of my car. I instantly felt scared and angry, as well.
Our noggin's are pretty tough, however.
I did some deeper breathing and then asked myself "Why am I so out of the present moment that I would bang my head so hard." It's one of my challenges, and...as you also mentioned catastrophizing...which is my tendency, as well; thinking of future horrors.

I think injury jolts our systems and stirs the long-held sad emotions.
I let myself cry the other day and it does seem to wash some of the pent up stuff out.
I think there is a lot to feeling "unprotected" as a child, too. Hurting myself and injury, now as an adult, brings that up for me. Injury was looked upon with huge impatience by both my parents. I don't know if that applies to your life at all.
I feel very vulnerable and weak if I hurt myself.

Try going back to the emotions instead of looking up symptoms. I would trust the doctor on this one. They can tell by your eyes if you have a brain injury.
Look at what emotional memories were jarred loose from the injury.
Wishing you well, Donavan. Peace.

 

Expression of the day. Love it.