Anxious and defeated

Thanks BloodMoon! Your consultant was actually very caring. My doctor also, I just didn’t listen. Now I have this home made problem. However, if it turns out that it is cancer, they find it early and it can be treated with no problem. But I hope this will not be the case.

 

At the time I just thought the breast specialist was being obstructive...but it turned out that he was right to leave things as the discharge eventually went away on its own (and that was about 8 years ago). I never got to know the actual cause.
I still think you did the best thing to get yourself checked out.

 

Thanks BloodMoon. I will have an appointment with my GP on Friday. Let’s see what he says. I still feel nauseous sometimes, a bit uncomfortable in the stomach and backpain between the shoulders. Not at night. And this tells me that it probably is TMS. I still sometimes get anxious that I have a very rare type of cancer in the intestines that could not be detected in the CT (actually you can easily miss small cancers in the intestines with a CT, it’s not the best method for that). And then this little lung thing, it has probably be checked during the next years. I need to accept that there are always processes going on in the body that can be felt and that could be an illness. It’s also about decay ... and getting older.

 

I hope your appointment with your GP yesterday went okay and they were helpful and supportive.

I don't know whether this applies to you, but I've recently discovered regarding my own rumination about things that worry/concern me that - although I do feel my emotions - I hate feeling them so much (because they are uncomfortable and sometimes quite scary) I don't actually allow myself feel them fully...And it's apparently feeling emotions fully that can stop (or at least lessen) the tendency to ruminate. Also, with feeling emotions fully - although it might cause you to feel unpleasant sensations in the body - the unpleasant sensations will be liable to be only temporary, which can stop the vicious circle of: worry/concern causing bodily 'symptoms' and in turn those bodily 'symptoms' causing us worry/concern/anxiety that there's something structurally 'sinister' going wrong with our body. (I believe that research has shown that we have cells in our stomachs/guts that act like a sort of 'mini brain', so I guess it's not surprising that we get stomach and gut disturbance when we worry - and it does make me wonder whether our 'mini brains' also play some part in causing TMS.) I'm still working my way through it, but this book called "Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them' https://www.amazon.co.uk/Constructi...coding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=799820FQEYD4VS8C01PE is really helping me with all of this...Anyway, I just thought I'd mention/share this with you in case it might be of interest/possible help.

 

Dear BloodMoon, that sounds like a very instructive book! My GP told me that nothing is structurally wrong with me. It’s my anxiety that makes the symptoms. He didn’t ordered further diagnostics. Just that this little spot in the lungs and the cyst in the kidney is controlled in 6 to 12 months. And he told me that I need to address this anxiety, otherwise I will go from diagnostics to diagnostics. He is right. And now I accept it. Right now I fine, although in the morning my bladder acted up. But I take it calmy. Amazing how symptoms change! I think I have a deap-seated anxiety, something very basic that stems from my upbringing. And then there is what I would call existential anxiety. Mortality and life’s uncertainties have to be accepted. Otherwise the symptoms continue, they are just ways this anxiety is expressed. As long as I don’t tackle the root of all this, I will create symptoms. The unpleasant feelings need to be felt, yes. But in a way that they don’t lead to rumination. I always thought that being lonely is the reason for my symptoms. That is totally naive and I really wonder how I could have believed this. Because, when I was married, I had the same problems. Loneliness is not nice and I need to do something about it. But it is not the reason for my symptoms.
That the stomach reacts is not so surprising, you are right. It seems that there are brain cells in the stomach.
Right now I am having a positive feeling that I will ‘get whole’ - being able to cope with this fundamental and existential anxiety in a much better way.

 

That's great! Hang on to that positive feeling - and savour it .

Do you do qigong at all? I'm finding the qigong movements in this book fantastic for lowering my anxiety: 'The Qigong Workbook for Anxiety: Powerful Energy Practices to Rebalance Your Nervous System and Free Yourself from Fear' by Kam Cheun Lam https://www.amazon.co.uk/Qigong-Wor...qid=1535819638&sr=8-1&keywords=qigong+anxiety - The movements seem like nothing much at all and far too simple to do anything special, but I've found them to be quite the opposite. Anyway, enough of my book recommendations...

I'm so glad you're in better, positive spirits .

 

Bloodmoon@ thanks for all the very instructive references to books. I will also check this out. I am very bad in following a daily routine with exercises. For 2 years I managed to do yoga for 20 minutes every day. And then I stopped. My problem is that work occupies a lot of my time. After a day with 10 to 12 hours work I simply crash on the sofa after doing some house cleaning and eating. I need to change that!! That would also give me the possibility to be more social. And I need to do it now - no excuses ...

 

I greatly sympathise - It was like that for me too when I used to have to work...And the last thing you want is to put more pressure on yourself to follow a strict exercise regimen! With the movements in the qigong book that I mentioned, it's still beneficial just to do a few repetitions of one of the movements each day (or even not every day, but just when one has the opportunity and thinks of it); it takes only 2 to 3 minutes and can be done while standing waiting for food to cook or even in the privacy of a toilet cubicle at work! . Someone (called 'Madeline B') who reviewed the book on the amazon wrote: "Easy to do exercises and even one a day makes a difference." Anyway, it's just a thought.

 

Time went by, I just want to give you an update: nausea clearly connected to the hormones, after I stopped it took two weeks until the nausea fully disappeared. And the sensations in the urethra and bladder started again (argh). First I thought it could be candida infection (also one of the side effects of the hormones). Tried antifungal cream and a pill against candida. No effect. Ok, it’s what is always is and the symptom imperative is really strong. I think I know the reason for the unpleasant sensations (feeling trapped in the hamster wheel, and being alone) and I really need to do s9mething about it. But first of all, I need to relax this weekend.
Thank you BloodMoon for the link to the natural hormone creams. I think I will try.
And I want to thank all of you for helping me through two difficult months!

 

Here I am again, I am in such an anxious state and just can continue with this thread! I had been absent from the forum for a year or so. Bladderwise I am doing good, however, the reason is a long term-antibiotics which seem to solve my problem. (Notice: I neither say that this therapy would help others nor that the psyche doesn’t play a role!)
Since two and a half months I have again stomach pain, combined with back pain. The same symptoms as two years ago. A full feeling in my stomach, mild heartburn, pressure up to the rips, mostly left. I had a gastroscope and they found two small ulcers in the antrum area (which is close to the duodenum). This means that I have a sort of chronic gastritis, but he couldn’t see any inflammation. Often people have these ulcers without having any pain. The place of the ulcers doesn’t correspond with where the symptoms are. I then had an ultrasound, he didn’t find anything. He could see all organs quite well and he is an very experienced radiologist. However, ultrasound dosen’t catch small tumors and some structural changes are hidden.
And I still don’t believe that everything is ok, besides the small ulcers. I am so afraid - again!- to have pancreas cancer. This most horrible disease that you don’t survive.
I also have to say that I had a CT for these symptoms two years ago and then a control CT half a year later. Anything fine both times. That is one and a half year ago. My doctor is not concerned, the one who did the gastroscope thinks I am just anxious. They see no reason to check this further. And I don’t know how to make it through the days. Some days are better, with less symptoms, sometimes I have this bad pressure and pain in my stomach. Especially in these occasions I go into panic mode.
Rationally I know that I cannot have a CT every time I have pain and am afraid of some horrible disease. My rationality also tells me that this is TMS, that has a real inflammation as a starting point, but now it is the pain circle that is reigns. It’s not the actual ulcers that are causing this kind of pain.
So, anxious and defeated for a second time. And I thought I made progress. I was rather cool about most bodily symptoms the last two years. Being sure that I can tackle bladder pain - one way or the other - helped me. I was in good spirit. And now this ... I read the thread again, it is amazing how history repeats itself. Your advice? I guess I know ..