I am reading through posts on the wiki this morning about anxiety and how to get through it since for me it is an underlying cause of TMS and I am realizing how attached I am to my sickness and symptoms. Don't get me wrong, I would do anything to get out of this diseased state of mind, a state of mind which has me fear sick, worry sick and symptom sick. At the same time, however I also see how attached I am to sickness and symptoms on some level. Being sick, whether it is sick with anxiety or sick with worry or sick with symptoms occupies my every waking moment - whether it is suffering my symptoms or being in an all out pursuit to find a cure, to read the next book, the next post, google the next thing- whatever it is- the quest for the cure can occupy my mind and life as much as the symptoms can. I really hate how much this, being sick in one way or another has encompassed my entire life. It has made my life very small, after all how much time and space is there to live a life when you are living in a life that revolves around sickness,symptoms and trying to get better. I want to break free and have a life beyond sickness but somehow I think this is where my mind stays because it is where it feels safe. It is the only world I know, a natural default to live in a very small world, revolved sadly around a disease and a diseased state of mind, I hear people say they are addicted it seems to worry thoughts, anxiety thoughts and fear thoughts and I can really relate. My mind in its disease distorts things and blows everything up out of proportion to increase the worry, fear and sickness. Worry and fear and anxiety are my constant companions and I want to break free, free from my attachment from sick thinking, symptom thinking and disease thinking. If only I could just shake it all off and live a calm and happy life.