Day 1 A brief history

Hi everyone! I am ready to dive into the full TMS treatment, so here is my day 1 journalling.

A little background: I am a 22 year old Canadian. My primary pain issue is my lower back, specifically my right SI joint (currently). I am not sure when my TMS induced pain first began, but I have a suspicion it was either my wrist pain (started in early 2014 and magically disappeared in 2017) or my patellar tendonitis (started in early 2014 and magically disappeared in 2016/2017). Those two issues bothered me heavily for a few years, but didnt really interfere with my daily life. In late 2016, my lumbar spine started to hurt, which quickly spread to my sciatic nerves in my legs. I attributed it to the heavy deadlifting/weightlifting id been doing. The pain didnt fade, and eventually my back "gave out" in mid 2017 while lifting weights. This ramped up the pain significantly. I tried physio, chiro, massage, acupuncture and my own rehab methods, none of which worked. In mid 2018, I read Sarno's book, which definitely opened my eyes up. Not long after, I developed SI joint pain as my usual symptom of back pain faded, and again I went to the physio. I recently saw the copy of Sarno's book on my dresser (I actually have 2 copies since Amazon accidentally shipped me 2), and I have been re reading it.

My pain has been lessened the past week or so since picking it up again, but it came back today while weightlifting. I have been trying my best to remind myself that the pain isnt due to anything structurally wrong with me. I find my faith in the diagnosis lessens with each setback - which frustrates the hell out of me. I get very optimistic when it works, and very disheartened when it doesn't.

As of now, my faith in the TMS diagnosis is not what it should be. Everything makes so much sense when I read it from Sarno, but I have trouble convincing myself of it. I have known for a long time that the mechanical model of pain is a crock of shit, but I have trouble believing that my pain is strictly emotionally based. I still try to make connections between my pain and different triggers/therapies - a few months ago I noticed that performing myofacial release on my psoas helps with my SI pain, so today I felt that I needed to try it when my pain acted up.

I'll be back tomorrow for day 2. Going to read some of the book and then get a good night sleep.

 

Hi TheWeeLad, and Welcome!

The SEP you're doing will be very helpful, and I hope you stick with it. It takes many "interventions" in the belief that it is physical over time in order to really have the change you want. The fact you're on board to this degree ---studying, seeing your doubts, watching your mind ---all of this puts you very far ahead of most people who know nothing of this work.

Just figure that sometimes you'll get relief, and sometimes you won't until the knowledge goes deeper. Reassure yourself as best you can. You're not doing anything wrong, and this is typical. Each person who succeeds finds their own personal way through the barriers you're dealing with.

Andy B

 

Thanks for the response Andy!

I am feeling very confident and optimistic about the program. I know that it will always be a work in progress, and that there will be good days and bad days.