miayogini

In March of 2011, as I was getting ready for work, my back began to spasm and I could not stand up straight. I was in excruciating pain. This was the first time this ever happened, although I had back pain on and off for years prior. I work as a massage therapist and thought this was just due to the physical nature of my job. Knowing so many massage therapists I began to see them first for treatments, and later chiropractors and acupuncturists.

I also visited my PCP who told me there was nothing wrong with me and to go back to work. At this point, I was limping, I could not put pressure on my left leg due to the severe pain in my hip. I left her office upset at her response. How the hell did she think I could work? In retrospect, I realize she was right! Perhaps she knew about TMS but didn't take the time to explain it to me.

I began to do some research online about back pain and found Dr. Sarno's book Healing Back Pain and ordered it. I was already a big believer in the mind body connection and after reading it, I felt like the profile fit me well. I began to see a psychotherapist but unfortunately the therapy did not work, probably because it was not geared toward TMS. I continued to be in pain, walking with a limp due to my "sciatica". I was not in full acceptance of my TMS self diagnosis for I saw more doctors, had an MRI and did physical therapy for a month. During this time I also developed symptoms in my left arm and neck which a chiropractor told me was due to a pinched nerve after having done an X-ray.

After two months of being out of work, I finally returned to my demanding job as a massage therapist at a busy spa. I was afraid I could not do it, and was still in a lot of pain around my SI joint but I had no choice needing to support myself. I managed to work for the next year and a half still in pain but it was tolerable.

Then in December of 2012 I came down with the flu that became progressively worse. It morphed into bronchitis then asthma. I again became too sick to work, was put on various steroid medications, and eventually had to quit my job and take 6 months off to recover. I feel the respiratory infection could have been a version of the symptom imperative. I am now back to work doing massage but in a medical clinic where it is not as strenuous on my body. I continue to have symptoms which are mainly numbness in both feet at this point. I joined this forum a year ago but never did the program. I'm now ready to finally commit to my full healing and recovery. The hell with my resistance!!